Sex was a major part of our friendship...

Just out of curiosity, why didn't you ever go out with him? Did you meet his friends?

Reply 5

Anonymous

Just out of curiosity, why didn't you ever go out with him? Did you meet his friends?

Thats what i was thinking, he sees you as a **** buddie not a friend i dont think the feeling is mutual tho

Reply 6

lifeispeachy

OP

Yeh i met a load of his friends. He's made it obvious he really likes me and has stayed faithful, but he just really doesn't want all the serious, lovey-dovey stuff that comes with a relationship. Partly because he's going away and i think partly because of past bad experiences with commitment. I'm happy with and have accepted that.

Reply 7

lifeispeachy

Yeh i met a load of his friends. He's made it obvious he really likes me and has stayed faithful, but he just really doesn't want all the serious, lovey-dovey stuff that comes with a relationship.

Thats a classic excuse for just having a girl as a **** buddie using her and avoiding a proper relationship but still looking genuine and innocent.
Your good enough for a few random ***s even when your apart but your not good enough for a relationship now how does that make him a nice guy really???? as being in a relationship wouldn't make it all lovey dovey.
May sound harsh sorry if i am but im just being honest, cruel to be kind ect x

Reply 8

lifeispeachy

Yeh i met a load of his friends. He's made it obvious he really likes me and has stayed faithful, but he just really doesn't want all the serious, lovey-dovey stuff that comes with a relationship. Partly because he's going away and i think partly because of past bad experiences with commitment. I'm happy with and have accepted that.

See, the use of the word "faithful" is not part of the vocabulary of friendship or even close friendship. It sounds like you settled for whatever he was ready to give to you... He says it's a friendship but you use words that would are applicable in a relationship.

It sounds like he just used it to keep you at a arm's distance so if he changed his mind, he could just turn around and say "We're not even going out". I find that a bit dangerous but at the time, if you were aware of all this and were happy... then why not.

Reply 9

lifeispeachy

OP

Well fair shout, but is it really impossible that he's telling the truth? I mean to say i'm not good enough for him is a bit presumtuous and a bit of an insult really. The reason i use the word faithful is because there isnt really another word for 'he didnt sleep with anyone else while we were seeing eachother'. Anyway all i'm asking is do u think it would be damaging to carry on having fun until he goes away.

Reply 10

lifeispeachy

Well fair shout, but is it really impossible that he's telling the truth? I mean to say i'm not good enough for him is a bit presumtuous and a bit of an insult really. The reason i use the word faithful is because there isnt really another word for 'he didnt sleep with anyone else while we were seeing eachother'. Anyway all i'm asking is do u think it would be damaging to carry on having fun until he goes away.

No you get me wrong im not personally saying your not good enough im sure your a lovely person im telling you how he sees it because it seems to be a fact.
I think its likely to be impossible ive not known a genuine guy to not want a relationship with a girl he likes but will still use her for a **** here and there.
i feel it could be damaging as it seems your feelings are more genuine than his and do you wana risk being stuck with these feelings knowing you can't have him especially as its not what hes after
Anon i would rep you if i knew who you was by the way

Reply 11

lifeispeachy

Well fair shout, but is it really impossible that he's telling the truth? I mean to say i'm not good enough for him is a bit presumtuous and a bit of an insult really.

Well, I believe that the "not ready for a relationship" excuse might not even be an excuse but people are complicated and I don't believe that people just have an on/off button to decide whether they're ready. Maybe he doesn't feel ready for a relationship but even for such a person, there's someone out there who can make them want to have a relationship. You're not that person.

To be honest, when someone says "I'm not ready for a relationship", it's sometimes true and is a very important reason why they don't want to go out with you but I honestly believe it's used more often as an excuse.

lifeispeachy

The reason i use the word faithful is because there isnt really another word for 'he didnt sleep with anyone else while we were seeing eachother'.

If it was a friendship then you could have slept with different people and who knows, maybe he did.

lifeispeachy

Anyway all i'm asking is do u think it would be damaging to carry on having fun until he goes away.

Who can tell you that on this thread? Yes/No... whatever. Do as you feel. As long as you don't have any feelings for him. Otherwise, if you do, then it's up to you, if you're willing to hurt. Ask yourself if this guy, who doesn't want you for a relationship, is really worth the pain.

Reply 12

MNBStyle

ive not known a genuine guy to not want a relationship with a girl he likes

SO TRUE! I reckon the same goes for girls. Although I'd go a bit further than simply "likes" and maybe say "really likes and is very attracted to".
This is something that should be engrained in everyone's heads. It would avoid being messed around and getting hurt.

Reply 13

Unregistered

Have not read whole thread - Friendship? No, this is a sexual relationship no matter how you try to define it. If you want casual sex stick around if not go find a normal friend and a boyfriend!

Reply 14

lifeispeachy

OP

What are you basing your opinions on?

Never have i mentioned my actual feelings for him, nor have i said i want a relationship with him. Is it because i'm a girl that you assume i do? What i don't understand is that we acted as if we were in a relationship (because i'm not really a clingy, lovey-dovey type). He texted me just before he went to bed most nights, always phoned me and even said i was more special than his best friend at one point. He just assumed it would change if we decided to make it official. How would you explain that? Maybe the title - sex was a major part, is confusing.

Reply 15

lifeispeachy

What are you basing your opinions on?

Never have i mentioned my actual feelings for him, nor have i said i want a relationship with him. Is it because i'm a girl that you assume i do?

Actually youll find i said there would be a risk of you wanting more as i felt you might be heading in that direction.

lifeispeachy

He texted me just before he went to bed most nights, always phoned me and even said i was more special than his best friend at one point. He just assumed it would change if we decided to make it official. How would you explain that?

So he texts you and phones you at night or did??? hardly a way of proving your genuine feelings for someone is it??? if it was i would be in love with alot of people.
And him thinking it would change if it was official is still not a excuse, if you genuinally like someone in that way its worth the risk and giving it ago, yet the risk of you maybe getting awkward feelings for him while hes having no strings fun with you is ok with him.
He said you was more special than his best friend at ONE point??? maybe he was just saying that to keep you sweet so you wouldn't go off him as otherwise he wouldn't get his fun. Because dont you find it odd he makes out he don't want all the lovey dovey stuff yet he said you was more special than his best friend then stopped saying it abit odd dont you think.
No matter what is said you will find most people coming back to the same opinion as before that deep down he only wanted one thing to be honest

Reply 16

Drogue

19

MNBStyle

Thats a classic excuse for just having a girl as a **** buddie using her and avoiding a proper relationship but still looking genuine and innocent.
Your good enough for a few random ***s even when your apart but your not good enough for a relationship now how does that make him a nice guy really???? as being in a relationship wouldn't make it all lovey dovey.
May sound harsh sorry if i am but im just being honest, cruel to be kind ect x

Or just off target. It is entirely possible that he is being honest, and just doesn't want a relationship. I've seen it *many* times, basically just a reasonably extreme fear of commitment. From the faithfulness and general demeanour, I'd imagine it's more of a casual relationship, which can and have worked for many people.

He could be after sex, but you've never met him, have no idea, and it's quite likely he's after a casual relationship instead, as the OP seems to suggest.

lifeispeachy

Well fair shout, but is it really impossible that he's telling the truth?

Not at all. It's possible either way, and you know better than us which it is.

Reply 17