Fancying bf's best friend

I'm not really looking for an answer to my problem but more advice or just general feedback on something that has been happening to me for the past 6 months or so.

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and I have also known his best friend for that length of time. My bf's best friend spents a lot of time with me and my bf because we all get on very well. The problem is that my bf's best friend started to like me, my bf kept saying how much he would talk about me while I wasn't there and even say that if he could find someone he would want them to be like me. This didn't seem to bother my bf, he seemed to see it as a compliment and at first I thought nothing much of it. However, over the past 6 months I have started to really like my bf's best friend, I get excited when I think he is going to be at my bf's house and even hope that I will get to see him. Nothing has happened between us but things have sometimes gotten a bit 'cosy' between us.

I really don't know what to do, does this mean I no longer have strong feelings for my bf? Or does it just mean that I'm enjoying the attention of someone new? I'm starting to get worried because I have no idea what I would do if my bf's best friend tried to kiss me, and this makes me feel really awful about myself.

We are all 20, my bf is the first person I have ever been with and we have been together since we were 16 - do you think this has something to do with it, like wanting to see what else is out there?

Thanks i advance for any advice.

Reply 1

username47781

20

Why are you even considering looking at his best friend when you say you are in love with your boyfriend of 4 years do you really want to throw that away, there must be something not right in your current relationship for you to do that, maybe the fact you went out so young and your feelings have changed which they do at your age.

Reply 2

username39618

1

I don't wish to sound too negative, but it does sound as if the spark has gone from the relationship, especially if you get 'excited' about the thought of seeing your boyfriend's best friend. Perhaps it would help if you think about all the great moments you've shared with your bf, and whether he really is the one you want to be dating. Hope that helps

Reply 3

username47781

20

I think also if she did have an affair with his best friend and say she did dump her current boyfriend the chances are the same problems will happen again

Reply 4

username39618

1

Carl1982

I think also if she did have an affair with his best friend and say she did dump her current boyfriend the chances are the same problems will happen again

Im not suggesting an affair, im just saying that it would be a good idea for her to remind herself why she has been with her bf for so long (must be for a good reason surely!?)

Reply 5

username47781

20

oh yeah true i mean 4 years is a long time it would be a shame to end it like that, obviously as you say shes gotta back off and course think of the good things between her and her boyfriend and decide also what she really wants.

Reply 6

Big Fat Mel

Carl1982

oh yeah true i mean 4 years is a long time it would be a shame to end it like that, obviously as you say shes gotta back off and course think of the good things between her and her boyfriend and decide also what she really wants.

I think it is OK, I mean it's his best friend - its basically him. It's like cheating on twins i.e. it doesn't matter.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

I think you all hit the nail on the head when you say that it's worrying that I'm getting excited about seeing his best friend, it does seem that I'm no longer excited about seeing my bf, sometimes it even feels like a chore :frown:

I think maybe I need to address what I really need and what's wrong with my relationship.

Reply 8

Atomik

9

Big Fat Mel

I think it is OK, I mean it's his best friend - its basically him. It's like cheating on twins i.e. it doesn't matter.

You're joking, right?

Damn commie. Do you think that people should share partners too? Hah.

Reply 9

username39618

1

Anonymous

I think you all hit the nail on the head when you say that it's worrying that I'm getting excited about seeing his best friend, it does seem that I'm no longer excited about seeing my bf, sometimes it even feels like a chore :frown:

I think maybe I need to address what I really need and what's wrong with my relationship.

I think that is the best course of action to take, perhaps discussing with your partner may also help?

Reply 10

Big Fat Mel

Atomik

You're joking, right?

Damn commie. Do you think that people should share partners too? Hah.

Twins are the same person, just like the bf and his best friend. therefore cheating doesn't count. Simple as that.

Reply 11

Nuheen

12

^

Reply 12

aurion

it may be that because you have spent so much time with him and got to know him that its sparked off a sudden interest. just keep reminding yourself that you are just good friends and thats all you ever need to be because you already have a boyfriend

Reply 13

Anonymous #2

I'm in a similar situation. Its not one specific person, but when i get attention from other people it does excite me. I think it is mainly the fact that i got with my boyfriend when i was 16 and i feel like ive misssed all the flirting etc. I dont think it is necessarily a bad thing to be excited by the attention, thats natural i think, But i would think about whether you aould act upon your feelings, thats the indicator that your relationship might not be quite right.

Reply 14

Anemos

1

two words for you: Three-some

Reply 15

Alewhey

Anemos

two words for you: Three-some

One and a half words?

To OP:

I have only one bit of advice for you, for god's sake don't cheat on your boyfriend, it is a massive betrayal of trust and you owe him better than that. If you decide that you don't want to be with him any longer, that is fair enough - break up with him. But you can't have this both ways.

Boredom is probably the issue here. I rather suspect that if you did break up with your boyfriend, suddenly his best mate wouldn't seem so attractive. Forbidden fruit syndrome - its relationship poison.

Reply 16

zav

14

Go for it feel bad and then you might end up liking your bf more.

Have fun your only young and have plenty of time to settle down.

Reply 17

hanhan88

6

Just bear in mind that you could potentially wreck your boyfiends relationship with his best friend, as well as your relationship with one or both of them. Make sure you know exactly what you wan before you do or say anything to either of them.

Fancying bf's best friend

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