Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Right, let me explain my predicament to some random strangers on the internet. I am in a long term relationship with someone who is very special and important to me.

    Long story short, we have both cheated on each other with different people. I found out about him cheating on me, (with another guy at a party, he's bisexual) accidentally and it did tear me apart at the time. At the same time I'd had feelings for a guy at work for some time and then stupidly acted on them after a couple of drinks, after thinking 'well what the hell he's done the same to me, does it make any difference'

    Now I can't stop thinking about things, making it difficult to forget this other guy (we're not in touch any more) I think he doesn't want to know as I'm in a relationship with someone else which is fair enough . Thing is we were really good friends at the time seeing him everyday at work and all that so seeing as I don't see him anymore (new job) I actually feel like I miss him a lot which makes me feel bad .

    My current boyfriend was my first love, first sex, first pretty much everything and occasionally i get that awful feeling (it is awful!) when I feel like I want to have experimented a bit more.

    I live with my boyfriend, which somehow makes the feelings a whole lot worse because you don't escape the feeling too easily. I'm looking for some advice off anyone who's been in a similar situation...

    I don't really want to talk about it with friends because some of our friends are mutual friends and the others I feel awful telling too many people that Ive cheated on him.

    So any advice is welcome thank you TSR
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    So does he also know you cheated on him?

    I think you need to be open about your feelings to him and see how he feels.

    However, don't throw something away that means so much to you. Regret is an awful thing

    Good luck
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    You are no longer in love with your boyfriend. Break up before you cheat again or he does to you because the relationship is clearly over.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Right, let me explain my predicament to some random strangers on the internet. I am in a long term relationship with someone who is very special and important to me.

    Long story short, we have both cheated on each other with different people. I found out about him cheating on me, (with another guy at a party, he's bisexual) accidentally and it did tear me apart at the time. At the same time I'd had feelings for a guy at work for some time and then stupidly acted on them after a couple of drinks, after thinking 'well what the hell he's done the same to me, does it make any difference'

    Now I can't stop thinking about things, making it difficult to forget this other guy (we're not in touch any more) I think he doesn't want to know as I'm in a relationship with someone else which is fair enough . Thing is we were really good friends at the time seeing him everyday at work and all that so seeing as I don't see him anymore (new job) I actually feel like I miss him a lot which makes me feel bad .

    My current boyfriend was my first love, first sex, first pretty much everything and occasionally i get that awful feeling (it is awful!) when I feel like I want to have experimented a bit more.

    I live with my boyfriend, which somehow makes the feelings a whole lot worse because you don't escape the feeling too easily. I'm looking for some advice off anyone who's been in a similar situation...

    I don't really want to talk about it with friends because some of our friends are mutual friends and the others I feel awful telling too many people that Ive cheated on him.

    So any advice is welcome thank you TSR
    I think you need to think about whether you see a happy future ahead with your current boyfriend. Besides for the cheating bit my relationship status is pretty much same as yours ie living together and he was my first bf etc and sometimes I do think I would have liked to experiment a bit more. Also there was a guy at work who I flirted with tho never took it further and I've moved jobs and haven't seen him but sometimes I think what could been etc and that's normal but my bf and I have a future together and I can't imagine a life without him tbh and while other guys or cheating could satisfy me temporarily I don't think anyone else could make me as happy as he does. Essentially what I'm saying is that you have to evaluate what is more important to you, your relationship with him or having some excitement and also whether long term you will be happy with him. If you think he is the one for you then stick with it tho you will have to learn to trust each other and not cheat obviously. Hope that makes sense


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by professortobe)
    I think you need to think about whether you see a happy future ahead with your current boyfriend. Besides for the cheating bit my relationship status is pretty much same as yours ie living together and he was my first bf etc and sometimes I do think I would have liked to experiment a bit more. Also there was a guy at work who I flirted with tho never took it further and I've moved jobs and haven't seen him but sometimes I think what could been etc and that's normal but my bf and I have a future together and I can't imagine a life without him tbh and while other guys or cheating could satisfy me temporarily I don't think anyone else could make me as happy as he does. Essentially what I'm saying is that you have to evaluate what is more important to you, your relationship with him or having some excitement and also whether long term you will be happy with him. If you think he is the one for you then stick with it tho you will have to learn to trust each other and not cheat obviously. Hope that makes sense


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Thank you for the reply

    I think that is my problem, I feel like I need a little more excitement but on the other hand, I don't like feeling 'cheap' and it's quite out of character for me to do something like that, then again I felt like I could trust this other guy because we were good friends. Obv there is no way we could go back to friends now as it would be a little awkward.
    And when my boyf cheated I stopped myself from holding back being tempted by somebody else.
    The thing is I know he is still in contact with the person he cheated on me with as they work together.
    I don't know whether in the future one of us would do it again or not which saddens me somewhat
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by maskofsanity)
    You are no longer in love with your boyfriend. Break up before you cheat again or he does to you because the relationship is clearly over.
    I don't know whether things are that black and white - that is the problem. Have you been in a similar situation? x
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by saraw26)
    So does he also know you cheated on him?

    I think you need to be open about your feelings to him and see how he feels.

    However, don't throw something away that means so much to you. Regret is an awful thing

    Good luck
    Thanks for the reply.

    We have had some long chats together, mainly we both feel quite jealous about other people being involved. I think if it wasn't for the distrust, we could try an open relationship. I don't know how he would feel about that though - probably would hate it.

    Yes he knows, but he doesn't know 'everything' if you get me.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I can't imagine how difficult it would be to disentangle yourself in this situation but you know deep down that you must, and immediately
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't know whether things are that black and white - that is the problem. Have you been in a similar situation? x
    You have feelings for another person, you want an open relationship, and you have both cheated on each other - it's pretty clear that there is no real relationship here. Stay with him by all means, but I think it's a safe bet that you two are not going to last a long time.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 17, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Did TEF Bronze Award affect your UCAS choices?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.