This is just a rant really, although if anyone has thoughts on how I can improve or similar feelings then by all means I'd love to hear.
I think it is just due to boredom during the uni holidays now but I;m getting ever increasingly upset, frustrated and depressed tbh.
I never seem to improve and nothing changes for me. I'm really ugly, few people have said that's not the case but I just know they are being kind. Like honestly, every photo I'm an absolute state. I've continually tried to accept that and be more confident but I just cant at all. The fact I'm 24 and still a virgin and actually never been in a relationship ever does not help matters. I have issues with my weight as well. I used to be so thin and fit and now cant accept that I've put on a bit and cant do the exercise that I want due to a condition. My few friends say I'm slim however, that's not the case. I'd maybe stretch to skinnyfat but I'm not slim.
As a result I'm a socially awkward, terribly shy person. I can be a bit confident though, like around my friends and work colleagues although I'm still quite quiet and awkward. Most work colleagues are friends, I'm just someone they talk to. I have a best friend although I feel we are slowly drifting apart. She has a boyfriend now and everything but she's been really great. Few uni friends as well but that's it. I've been sitting here in the holidays completely bored. No one catching up with me, I just wish I had more friends and was generally easier to get along with. Like I could actually let loose.
I overthink and stress out easily so I know that isnt great fun to be around but I cant help it. It's helped me so far in uni and I'm onto my last year which I'm totally nervous about as I dont feel I can do well but I am looking forward to going back.
I cant suffer my job any longer. They are good to me and Im thankful to have a job but Ive just put my chin up for so long that I just cant now. Im working tomorrow and cant describe how I feel about it.
Im not good at anything, like I'd love to be good at a sport or play an instrument even make friends there but Ive accepted that I couldnt keep that up at uni and will hopefully get there after uni is finished. Still I'm good at nothing.
I just feel like a constant failure. I'm ugly, fat, hardly any friends, never had a relationship and have no skills. It sounds like Im moaning and no wonder I have no relationships really! But Ive tried to be positive and overcome all this but I cant manage it. Ive been feeling this way ever since my early teens.
I know my problems, I just cant overcome them. Its so hard feeling like this all the time although when at uni Im more focused. I think its just because its the holidays and Im sitting here on my own doing nothing as usual.
Anyone had this many issues? Or overcome them? I just cant think clearly anymore.
I just feel a mess Watch
- Thread Starter
- 15-08-2013 22:27
- 16-08-2013 00:43
I'm also bored. Though the relationships aspect I can't associate with, being 14 and going to an only girls school, but most of your other issues I can. I see myself as...not skinny...and over time have gotten to a stage where I tell myself over and over that I need to stop eating or throw it up. Luckily I don't have the self discipline and therefore have no eating disorder. Listen to your friends. I doubt you're ugly even though you may see yourself in that way.
And being good at things...I play the violin, viola and piano all to a high level. It doesn't really help with anything. As long as you enjoy what you're doing you'll be great at it and will want to do more of it. That'll be what makes you happy.
I say do what you enjoy while you still can. Don't throw in the towel and spend the next part of your life stuck somewhere you never wanted to be. My dad's getting trumpet lessons because that's what he enjoys doing. It just proves that you can always start something new.
You only have one life, so live it like you would want to, doing what makes you happy.
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- Thread Starter
- 18-08-2013 07:40
Thank you I think it is boredom.
That's very true and I try to think that way as much as possible, just so hard.
- 18-08-2013 20:31
That sounds surprisingly like me!
I'd love to be able to help you more, but I can say that moving away helped me a lot, fresh start and all that.
- 27-08-2013 01:44
I know exactly how you feel and can completely sympathise. First the weight thing... I use to be really slim and look good in all my clothes. I have gained a stone in the past year and whilst I am still not fat I feel very on the curvy side. All my old cool clothes don't fit me anymore... I have found it hard adapting and no matter how much I diet and exercise I struggle to lose any weight due to a medical condition I have developed called PCOS. It really doesn't help that m family are all super thin including my mum who is a size 6. Then they call me the curvy well set one I have spent a great deal of my summer in the house by myself.
I had a very bad first year at uni. My grandma whom I was very close to died in the first month and then to make matters worse I got put with a group that bullied me. They use to kick my door in and wee in my milk. They took a disliking from day one. I made friends with a group on my course... However they turned out to be *****es when they told me and another girl in the group we were no longer welcome to house share with them and that they thought we weren't part of the group. Sadly my other friend has dropped out of uni so I have no one to live with next year, I will have to commute 1 3/4 hours each way a day. I cant go back into halls as I start a placement in january. I subsequently ended up bulimic, anxious and very depressed. It was all pretty much a downward spiral.
What I can't understand is that I made loads of good friends at school and sixth form then at the art college. I had such a good social life but then I went to uni and it all changed All my mates back at home have gone travelling or are doing summer internships so i only see them once in a blue moon. They have all moved on with uni friends. So now im feeling down and lonely over summer and scared about the prospect of having another friendless year at uni. I have transferred courses so I am hoping I meet some new people next term. I am also going to join some societies. I am just praying I have a better year. In the mean time I have been to see a counsellor and cbt worker for my anxiety, I went on medication in June time for my anxiety which helped temporarily. I was okay for 3 months now I am having a bit of a relapse again. Throughout all this i am however lucky to have had a very good relationship with a very understanding young man. he has been like a rock to me through out. I don't know where I would be without him. Until I met him I hadn't had a real relationship before. There is still hope you will meet a nice young man I can say it definitely helps things and makes me feel more positive. Sometimes I worry I have put too much on him with all my struggles this year but he doesn't seem to mind.