Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hello! As a pre-warning this is a very long post! :P So it's been about 1 and a half months since my girlfriend left me. She broke up with me because she didn't feel the same way about me as I did about her and she felt bad hurting me by "dragging me along" whilst she was unsure of her feelings towards me. She said that she really wanted to like me but just didn't quite see me that way, even though she liked me for quite a while before we got together. I do understand this and do see it as a legitimate and fair reason for her to leave me, but I can't shake the feeling that we could still work things out...like she'll learn to like me again. I didn't really get the chance to be much of a boyfriend to her as we were only together for 3 months and we only met up around once a fortnight on average, so I feel we didn't really get the chance to connect properly. She said a lot of the reasoning for her not seeing me was because she suffers from anxiety and was very nervous about it. It's also worth noting that this was her first relationship and she said she didn't really know how to be a girlfriend and how she should be feeling, and I messed things up by basically telling her I loved her (without using those exact words) and maybe she thought that she was supposed to feel the same way which made her even more unsure about her feelings? She says she hates herself for not liking me and I don't think that she truly wanted to break up with me, it only happened when it became apparent to her that she was hurting me. She also says that she really wants to stay friends as she does really like me as a person, but we have been in only semi-regular contact since and it's usually me that initiates conversation.

    Anyhow everyone has been telling me to "give up" or "move on" but that's just something that I'm not prepared to do. I'm absolutely crazy about this girl and she is like no one that I've ever met before, I don't want to simply watch her drift away and walk out of my life without knowing for sure that there is absolutely no chance of us working things out. At the moment I'm playing the waiting game and hoping that she misses me and wants to try again but I highly doubt that this will happen...even if that was how she felt it would be unlikely as she is a little shy and she might also think that I've moved on which would put her off. I want to try and win her back and tell her that she's worth the wait for her to perhaps figure out how she feels. There's just so much that I want to tell her and at this rate I don't think I'll ever get to.

    I was just wondering whether going for broke and telling her that I still have feelings for her and asking her if any part of her wants me too would be a good idea or ill advised? considering that I don't think I'll ever be able to move on unless I know that her stated feelings for me are definite and she says that there would be no chance of us working things out, and I feel that I'll only accept this truly if it's actually her that says it. But at the same time I don't want to make things even more awkward between us and jeopardise our friendship as I would never want her to be out of my life completely, and this action could potentially threaten that. But I want her back more than anything in the world, and I feel that the only way that would ever be possible would be to tell her how I feel.

    Again I apologise for the length but any help would be MUCH, MUCH appreciated as this is pretty much all I can think about :P

    Thanks very much in advance
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    the only thing to do here is to go and talk to her!!! it's obvious you have a lot on your mind, and it's just best to tell her everything that's on your mind. you care about her and want her back, so go and fight for her. I find it so lovely that you just can't get over her, that tells me and her hopefully how much you feel about her. just meet her up with her, and just tell her your feelings but don't make it too dramatic or anything cos you said a nervous chick. just make sure you touch her heart!!! good luck! and please do try and talk to her, it's definitely worth a chance.
    and even if it doesn't work out, honestly their are so many girls out there, don't ever lose hope
    • #2
    #2

    Hey Anonymous,

    Firstly this is very painful. I know. I've read your post and feel almost morally obliged to reply because I've been in an almost identical situation . I'm a guy and the only difference between us is that my relationship was 3-4 times as long.

    First the worst thing you are doing right now is over thinking things. You haven't spoken to her in ages yet she's the first thing in your mind when you go to sleep and wake up in the morning. And you're contemplating on how to do things. Should I play it cool (the waiting game) or chase after her? Should I befriend her friends and win her back by being the center of her social attention or treat her like **** and hope she comes crawling?

    Honestly man, the truth hurts and truth is you're digging yourself a much much deeper hole to get out of. This girl posting above ^ sounds sweet and would love to see a happy ending like something out of Bridget Jone's Diary but it isn't very likely to happen by what you've said. A rule I've learnt is to never take girl advice from girls (especially girls in family). It never really works. Having said all this, I'm not you and things might be different but this does remind me of my situation a lot. It's painful to see that all too familiar false hope that I was clung on to.

    The easiest way to understand is that this the course of human nature. She has said she doesn't feel the same way about you anymore. It's biological and there's nothing you can do about it. This situation will happen to everybody and YOU ARE NO EXCEPTION. You will have numerous more girls in the future and many more break ups to go along with it. The easiest way man and I mean the easiest way is to cease all communication and literally block her on social media. Otherwise you'll taunt yourself every time you see a new profile picture or tagged photo. It'll become an ugly habit, you'll be obsessed to find out what's going on in her life and why she isn't with you. Who she might be getting with in your place? what makes them better than you?!

    I've wasted too much of my own god damn life over this one girl and I'm only 19. It's been 3 years and I still haven't found all the closure I need because I keep letting her back in in some way or another. Whether it be a couple of texts from her, updates, gossip.. Get rid of it all now dude and do yourself a massive favor. But please please, do not let this affect your confidence in anyway because it's nature's course and you most likely did nothing wrong.

    If you want any more advice from me i'll be happy to respond.

    Jonny
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    I don't think things will work out here. The words 'dont feel the same' strike chill in my heart. Dating is one area where the amount you want something, and are prepared to work for it, bear little relation to probability of success. There is scope for years of angst here and my advice is to move on, or promptly ask her out again and she what happens. The only solution for your pain is new love I think. Good luck.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I was stuck in pretty much the same situation about a year ago. My advice based on that would be just to try and move on. I was stuck at the point where she left with seemingly no reason, I tried to talk to her but she gave no response. Probably spent months moping about it until I found out why she had left only a few months ago (From a mutual friend, which didn't help matters at the start, but it's given me some sort of closure)

    It's hard to give advice on this sort of subject, because it's never been one that's gone well with me. But my advice would be to try and move on. It'll be tough, but worth it in the long run..
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Have a look at this.

    Had a very similar experience - my girlfriend had an anxiety disorder too - just suddenly lost all emotion, felt "neutral" towards me and couldn't tell me why she wanted to end it because she "didn't know" herself.

    Left me heartbroken and clueless, but the best is to try and move on, as hard as it may be :/ (and for me, it's still hard)
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by KeeleyObsessed)
    I was stuck in pretty much the same situation about a year ago. My advice based on that would be just to try and move on. I was stuck at the point where she left with seemingly no reason, I tried to talk to her but she gave no response. Probably spent months moping about it until I found out why she had left only a few months ago (From a mutual friend, which didn't help matters at the start, but it's given me some sort of closure)

    It's hard to give advice on this sort of subject, because it's never been one that's gone well with me. But my advice would be to try and move on. It'll be tough, but worth it in the long run..
    If you don't mind saying - why did she leave? Feel free to ignore the question if you don't want to answer.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by dschiefer)
    If you don't mind saying - why did she leave? Feel free to ignore the question if you don't want to answer.
    The story goes (And this is from the aforementioned 'Mutual Friend', I've considered it might just be a story, but it's all I've got to go on) is that she caught me saying "I wish you'd tell me you love me.." As I'd always say I love her without getting the response. And despite her being the one initiating most of the phases in the relationship, she didn't feel like she loved me (Go figure, huh?) so broke it off. I made a few mistakes after that which I don't want to go into, but from that experience I'd advise that you just take a step back and walk away. It's very difficult in those circumstances to ever get back what you had.

    Man, I wish love was easy!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by KeeleyObsessed)
    The story goes (And this is from the aforementioned 'Mutual Friend', I've considered it might just be a story, but it's all I've got to go on) is that she caught me saying "I wish you'd tell me you love me.." As I'd always say I love her without getting the response. And despite her being the one initiating most of the phases in the relationship, she didn't feel like she loved me (Go figure, huh?) so broke it off. I made a few mistakes after that which I don't want to go into, but from that experience I'd advise that you just take a step back and walk away. It's very difficult in those circumstances to ever get back what you had.

    Man, I wish love was easy!
    My situation was identical. Even though my ex was saying she loved me, she started to look for reasons why she didn't think she loves me, couldn't come up with anything, but still broke it off. To me, that was textbook ROCD.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    The most concise and politically correct way of phrasing the advice I give in a situation such as this (read between the lines):

    Become a man of action
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Hey I'm the original poster! Thanks very much for all of the advice guys, I am trying my best to move on at the moment and I know that, in time, it surely has to happen, or at least I hope. But I also know at some point that I will cave in and tell her how I really feel, it's pretty much inevitable. In this case I was wondering what in particular I could say without jeopardising our friendship, as I don't want to lose here as a friend and watch her walk out of my life completely, that would hurt even more. I just have to hear her say why she really left me, or whether she ever thinks she could see me as more than a friend, although she may just say the same things as before. Unless I hear this it will just feel like unfinished business and I don't think I'll ever have real closure, like she'll always be the big 'what could have been' in my life. I do feel like a part of her wants to be with me (as arrogant as that may sound), and I think I need to find out if that's true. So any advice on what I could say would be really great PS I'm really sorry to hear about all of your respective situations, I hope you're all in better places now love really can suck sometimes eh :P
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 19, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Will you be richer or poorer than your parents?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.