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Parents being stubborn with my university choice Watch

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    My parents won't let me go to the uni I want to go (it's outside London). I've already gotten my results, got my offer, my place has been confirmed and everything. My parents are choosing to be extra difficult right now demanding that I make some phone calls and see if I can get a place somewhere in London. They just don't want me leaving the house because of the higher debt I'd take on because I'd be living away from home on campus.

    Though it's not their decision and they just won't understand that. They said if I go through with leaving then they won't co-operate with anything I might need their help with. I wouldn't care because everything's been sorted out, but they are in possession of important documents like my passport etc. Plus I can imagine they won't let me use any of the spare suitcases that are lying around or take some things around the house that I'd need for uni.

    I don't really know how to proceed at this point. My strategy was continue to butt heads until they back down but it will most likely cause a lot of damage. I don't mind damage but I don't want it to be the wrong kind of damage, you know?
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    Have you explained how student debt works?
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    (Original post by OU Student)
    Have you explained how student debt works?
    They won't listen to me and think that I don't know what I'm talking about.
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    Then you might want to consider changing your strategy for minimal damage.

    Fake the phone call e.g. have the conversation between you and a 'friend' and pretend that you are talking to the relevant people so this way your parents are at least acknowledging the fact that you've tried to listen to them.

    Now of course the conversation between you and your friend will need to be planned carefully without traces of lies. Once you have proceeded with this, I meant the only option your parents have left IS to cooperate if they want you to go Uni.

    This will be more damaging if you didn't pull it off and your parents find out so alternatively, the safe option is just to communicate with your family and tell them how and what you feel/think. First tell them you've acknowledge their point of view and have put yourself in their shoes THEN channel across your perspective.

    Tip: To every one of the problems your parents may have, they might use this as an augment point in why you should go to an Uni in London so prepare to think of solutions. (This is key to win over any agreements)


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    (Original post by Sophie1994)
    Then you might want to consider changing your strategy for minimal damage.

    Fake the phone call e.g. have the conversation between you and a 'friend' and pretend that you are talking to the relevant people so this way your parents are at least acknowledging the fact that you've tried to listen to them.

    Now of course the conversation between you and your friend will need to be planned carefully without traces of lies. Once you have proceeded with this, I meant the only option your parents have left IS to cooperate if they want you to go Uni.

    This will be more damaging if you didn't pull it off and your parents find out so alternatively, the safe option is just to communicate with your family and tell them how and what you feel/think. First tell them you've acknowledge their point of view and have put yourself in their shoes THEN channel across your perspective.

    Tip: To every one of the problems your parents may have, they might use this as an augment point in why you should go to an Uni in London so prepare to think of solutions. (This is key to win over any agreements)


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    It wouldn't be just one phone call though. My dad would expect me to find a number of london universities and call them up. Faking one phone call would work, but faking several would be incredibly difficult I think. Heck I don't know my parents might even want me to put the phone on loudspeaker so they can hear what they say.
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    Whose life is this anyway?. Personally OP I think your parents are being really silly over this.I imagine you are 18 and therefore an adult, hence they cannot stop you going to the uni of your choice.

    I know it's hard, but stand your ground OP.
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    (Original post by Annie72)
    Whose life is this anyway?. Personally OP I think your parents are being really silly over this.I imagine you are 18 and therefore an adult, hence they cannot stop you going to the uni of your choice.

    I know it's hard, but stand your ground OP.
    Yeah, I'm 18, and yeah, I'm an adult and should make these kinds of decisions myself. I would be standing my ground, it's just that they still have power over me in the sense that they have things I need for uni. They have things like my damn passport, which is dumb, but my mother never allowed my siblings and I to keep ours, and she never lets us see where she keeps them.

    Plus I can imagine them being really stingy when it comes to me leaving. Like I'd have to get my own suitcase, my own pots and pans, and I don't have any money so I'm a little bit at their mercy when it comes to that. That's why a different strategy might be best for me.
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    Have you stressed that its your debt and not theirs after uni? And make sure they know that you wont need/expect their help when it comes to repaying.

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    (Original post by Legii)
    Have you stressed that its your debt and not theirs after uni? And make sure they know that you wont need/expect their help when it comes to repaying.

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    Yeah what's what I've been trying to tell them, but it won't get through their heads. They say that I'm an idiot for wanting to take all that debt when i could stay at home and live comfortably etc.
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    I would not be putting up with that crap. Go to whatever uni you want, keep explaining to your parents why you are doing it and how student debt works. If you're a girl then great, you'll probably get it all wiped by the time you have some children and take time out from work), Ask for your passport back. If the worst comes to the worst you'll probably need a new one soon anyway so just get one. Alternatively you could go for a rummage around the house while they're out and see if you can find it - it's probably kicking around their desk/filing cabinet/shoebox in the bedroom/draw somewhere. It's yours so just take it.
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    (Original post by hothedgehog)
    I would not be putting up with that crap. Go to whatever uni you want, keep explaining to your parents why you are doing it and how student debt works. If you're a girl then great, you'll probably get it all wiped by the time you have some children and take time out from work), Ask for your passport back. If the worst comes to the worst you'll probably need a new one soon anyway so just get one. Alternatively you could go for a rummage around the house while they're out and see if you can find it - it's probably kicking around their desk/filing cabinet/shoebox in the bedroom/draw somewhere. It's yours so just take it.
    I'm going to try explaining to them again how student debt works. And I thought about getting a new passport on my own but I just don't have the money for it, so I'm going to have a look around and see if I can find it.
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    (Original post by geodude18)
    I'm going to try explaining to them again how student debt works. And I thought about getting a new passport on my own but I just don't have the money for it, so I'm going to have a look around and see if I can find it.
    I am guessing you are from an Asian background - there is a lot of overprotective parenting there. However, I do understand about debt and I understand why they worry about it - I am of the same generation - but I suspect this is a bit of a smokescreen to cover the overprotection

    What uni is it you have been accepted for and what course.
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    I can't believe that they would actively obstruct you after you make your decision. Explain to them that this is your decision as an adult. This is what I want to do with my life. Say this directly to them. Tell them that you would appreciate their love and support as parents. You are an independent person.

    Plus London is expensive as hell :P
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    (Original post by squeakysquirrel)
    I am guessing you are from an Asian background - there is a lot of overprotective parenting there. However, I do understand about debt and I understand why they worry about it - I am of the same generation - but I suspect this is a bit of a smokescreen to cover the overprotection

    What uni is it you have been accepted for and what course.
    I'm actually from an African background but it's essentially the same. Old fashioned, traditional, incredibly stubborn. I got accepted into Hertfordshire to study English Lit, of course they weren't pleased about my course but they don't mind as much anymore if I study in London, which is not happening.
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    (Original post by generaljonny)
    I can't believe that they would actively obstruct you after you make your decision. Explain to them that this is your decision as an adult. This is what I want to do with my life. Say this directly to them. Tell them that you would appreciate their love and support as parents. You are an independent person.

    Plus London is expensive as hell :P
    I'd be living at home with them so it'd actually be cheaper I think?

    And I want to tell them that, in fact I've actually told them that but they're incredibly stubborn and don't like their authority being challenged even if I'm an adult. It's long, as long as I live under their roof I live by their rules.
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    Some parents are crazy possessive about their kids D:

    My two cents is to not just try to tell them about student loans and whatnot on your own per say, but to have a website up which also explains it. Then they can't say that you don't know what you're talking about as official sites say the same thing as you.

    Good luck! Don't back down, it's your future not theirs.
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    I found a great site which explains everything.

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/stu...n-fees-changes

    I'm thinking of showing them that and hopefully that will at least silence my dad.
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    (Original post by geodude18)
    I'm actually from an African background but it's essentially the same. Old fashioned, traditional, incredibly stubborn. I got accepted into Hertfordshire to study English Lit, of course they weren't pleased about my course but they don't mind as much anymore if I study in London, which is not happening.
    You are not going to like this - obviously I don't know your parents but here are my thoughts.

    I am a parent myself and my son got accepted into a "lesser university" and lets make no bones about this your choice is a lesser one - see below

    http://www.thecompleteuniversityguid...ings?s=English

    He has his degree - in a similar subject but cannot get a job because of this lesser uni. I appreciate that some of it may be his interview technique - but he is often not even getting interviews.

    Why do you want to spend 27000 quid plus the rest getting a degree from a uni which has no prestige. This country is littered with graduates who cannot get a job.

    Your parents want you to go to a London uni - because people from overseas have heard of London. They probably want you to do something like medicine or law or engineering as well. Obviously you could go to one in the big city - but equally you could go to somewhere like London Met which is even worse than your choice. Sorry I sound like a terrible snob - but these are facts.

    So what would I do - with the wisdom of age - if your exam results are not brilliant, I would retake some A levels and try to get into a better uni next year. As I said not what you want to hear
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    (Original post by squeakysquirrel)
    You are not going to like this - obviously I don't know your parents but here are my thoughts.

    I am a parent myself and my son got accepted into a "lesser university" and lets make no bones about this your choice is a lesser one - see below

    http://www.thecompleteuniversityguid...ings?s=English

    He has his degree - in a similar subject but cannot get a job because of this lesser uni. I appreciate that some of it may be his interview technique - but he is often not even getting interviews.

    Why do you want to spend 27000 quid plus the rest getting a degree from a uni which has no prestige. This country is littered with graduates who cannot get a job.

    Your parents want you to go to a London uni - because people from overseas have heard of London. They probably want you to do something like medicine or law or engineering as well. Obviously you could go to one in the big city - but equally you could go to somewhere like London Met which is even worse than your choice. Sorry I sound like a terrible snob - but these are facts.

    So what would I do - with the wisdom of age - if your exam results are not brilliant, I would retake some A levels and try to get into a better uni next year. As I said not what you want to hear
    I'm not going back to A levels, I'm not going through all that stress again just for this. Whatever happens, I'm going to university this year, even if it means it's a university with lesser prestige. Besides, doesn't experience have some weight with employers? I don't exactly plan to do nothing while in uni.
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    (Original post by squeakysquirrel)
    You are not going to like this - obviously I don't know your parents but here are my thoughts.

    I am a parent myself and my son got accepted into a "lesser university" and lets make no bones about this your choice is a lesser one - see below

    http://www.thecompleteuniversityguid...ings?s=English

    He has his degree - in a similar subject but cannot get a job because of this lesser uni. I appreciate that some of it may be his interview technique - but he is often not even getting interviews.

    Why do you want to spend 27000 quid plus the rest getting a degree from a uni which has no prestige. This country is littered with graduates who cannot get a job.

    Your parents want you to go to a London uni - because people from overseas have heard of London. They probably want you to do something like medicine or law or engineering as well. Obviously you could go to one in the big city - but equally you could go to somewhere like London Met which is even worse than your choice. Sorry I sound like a terrible snob - but these are facts.

    So what would I do - with the wisdom of age - if your exam results are not brilliant, I would retake some A levels and try to get into a better uni next year. As I said not what you want to hear
    It might not be because of this 'lesser' university, my cousin got an English degree from Oxford 2:1 and still hasn't got a job 2 years on!
 
 
 
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