stuck in the moment and she can't get out of it

2

so i have this friend whose kinda stuck in her life and cant find a way out. she lives with her family overseas (not in her home country). she's living with her mom and stepfather and her two half-brothers. she completed her o-levels but her parents refused to pay for higher education and now want her out of the house (she's 19) and said she needed to get married before december 2005 or else they'd send her back to her home-country all by herself and she doesnt have a family to go back to.. so she went out and found herself a guy (42).. really nice guy it seemed.

they met after she broke up with his brother (39) who turned out to be married. so they had been going out for a few months when they started talking about marriage which of course suited her parents who just wanted to get rid of her. they were supposed to get married in april but as they went to register she found out that he was still married too. he said it was just a muslim thing and that by muslim belief he was divorced it was just by law that they're still married. anyways so she was really disapointed but because she wanted to move out from home she forgave him after he promised he'd really divorce his wife (they have 2 daughters) for her..

now they're back together and he doesnt want her to work.. her parents dont know they're back together cuz they think she's ruining her life (kinda agree).. anyway her mom tells her to get off her back and get a job but she wants to please her 'fiance'.. she doesnt have enough education for a proper job and she cant get married without her parent's permission till she's 21. she just wants to get out.. she's had 2 miscarriages (self-inflicted) and has been infected by a STD by him which is in the worst stage, could lead to cancer and cause her to become infertile.
she's recently been talking a lot about ending her life cuz she's caught in a cycle.. no education=no job=no money=no freedom/independence=no life..

PS: she has to rent her room off her parents who hate her..

just wondering what i should tell her.. she's been really down lately and has told me that she's been thinking about ending the relationship with her 'fiance' but she needs the money (he buys her a lot and always pays for everything) and cant depend on her parents who havent given her any money since she was 16 and has been working as waitress fro over a year.. quit a few months ago and now just 'lives'..

sorry for the long thread.. hope to get some advice though.. Thanx in advance

Reply 1

generalebriety

16

What use is him buying her everything if she'll never buy things for herself? Get him to pay for her to take some A-levels or go to university or something. Then she can get her own job and move out. And if he gets into debt over it she can reimburse that debt. It sounds like a difficult situation but there are ways out of it if this guy is really committed to her, and isn't just a control-freak who actually doesn't want her to work.

Give a man a fish... and so on.

That's my advice anyway. Hope it works out.

Reply 2

Mellanie

1

I love this song. And now I can't get it out of my head dammit.

Reply 3

woeful_infatuation

OP

2

Reply 4

woeful_infatuation

OP

2

generalebriety

What use is him buying her everything if she'll never buy things for herself? Get him to pay for her to take some A-levels or go to university or something. Then she can get her own job and move out. And if he gets into debt over it she can reimburse that debt. It sounds like a difficult situation but there are ways out of it if this guy is really committed to her, and isn't just a control-freak who actually doesn't want her to work.

Give a man a fish... and so on.

That's my advice anyway. Hope it works out.

well he has to pay for his own children's education first and he only just started his own business (a gym) so has some money but is not loaded.. he doesnt want her to work cuz he gets REALLY jealous (she's very pretty).. she's always hit on; especially by customers when she was a waitress.. still i told her today she should just get some work.. she said she wants to please him cuz in the long run he'll marry her (which i think she only really wants to do to move out from home) :frown:

Reply 5

s0phie-x

Thats so bad, she needs to get out of that. Im taking it your in england? theres shelters and safe houses etc she can go to. wheres her home country? couldnt she save up and get away from her parents? sorry obviously i dont knw the whole story but still...

Reply 6

Evil-Tuna

2

U2 are the most boring band ever.

Reply 7

Eb

1

Cuddles

U2 are the most boring band ever.

I love you

Reply 8

Sheen

11

Cuddles

U2 are the most boring band ever.

haha i was juts thinking...is this a thread about U2 :confused:

Reply 9

Evil-Tuna

2

eblurvesu

I love you

Right back at you. :smile:

Sheen

haha i was juts thinking...is this a thread about U2 :confused:

Never bothered reading the first post. :smile:

Probably.

Reply 10

Sheen

11

Cuddles

Never bothered reading the first post. :smile:

Probably.

i did its just the title

Reply 11

woeful_infatuation

OP

2

she's russian but lives in singapore on a dependent pass. meaning they're only allowed to live here as long as her father works and that he can control whether or not to send her back to russia because she 'depends' on him.. (not really since they dont give her any money or care for her so all she really gets is her room which she also has to rent!!!)

stuck in the moment and she can't get out of it

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