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Worried about going overseas/LDR Watch

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    Anon or delete.

    Due to some unfortunate life events I have to go abroad for my career. I even have it all set up Normally this wouldn't be an issue and would be fun but I am scared of the whole LDR thing. She is supportive as she knows I must do it. The alternative would be to seek another career that would mean not following my dream.

    I have been with her for over seven years and she is literally my life. My best friend and someone I talk to/see every single day. She has been getting quite emotional about it all too.

    My biggest fear is I will lose her. My life is currently crap and the thought that the one thing good goes too may tip me over. She has reassured me but it doesn't seem enough.

    How the hell do I keep in contact the same way from the other side of europe I feel my heart is breaking. This kind of mindset will adversely affect me overseas too no doubt. My mate told me you would be mad to think she will go but I have zero experience of LDR bs.
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    Just to add to people everything appears fine. That I am a "lucky guy." But only my gf knows my history and severe depression that I have had for a variety of reasons. I feel this LDR thing is not going to help me mentally. Same time I need to go..
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    Any words of wisdom from the tsr faithful? Any experience?
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    You have been in a relationship with said girl for quite a while. Trust her. Skype to keep in contact. Depending on where in Europe you end up, there may be cheap flights for you to both catch up.
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    If you have a history of mental instability do you think it's wise to go now? I say this as someone who has anxiety disorder and made the stupid decision to move away for uni and it Didnt end well and I moved back home. Maybe stay here until things get established and then pursue your career further? Your health comes first.
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    Normally i would say no don't even bother with LDR, I've tried them before and they do not work. 99.9% of others who have tried will say the same thing. But you have been with this girl for 7 years which, I think, means you are relatively likely to be in that top 0.1%. I say give it a shot! As long as you two have some definite plans to visit each other and to permanently close that gap after a set period of time, then it is definitely worth carrying on! However, if neither of you will be willing to permanently close that gap after some time, it will not work. You must talk about that first.
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    (Original post by insignificant)
    If you have a history of mental instability do you think it's wise to go now? I say this as someone who has anxiety disorder and made the stupid decision to move away for uni and it Didnt end well and I moved back home. Maybe stay here until things get established and then pursue your career further? Your health comes first.
    This is very true. However, my depression is a lot to with my career messing up and also having a physical disability as a result of an accident. Therefore, sitting at home won't help me. I must be brave I guess. But yeah losing her would be like the final thing imo. Thanks.
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    (Original post by Llewellyn_J)
    Normally i would say no don't even bother with LDR, I've tried them before and they do not work. 99.9% of others who have tried will say the same thing. But you have been with this girl for 7 years which, I think, means you are relatively likely to be in that top 0.1%. I say give it a shot! As long as you two have some definite plans to visit each other and to permanently close that gap after a set period of time, then it is definitely worth carrying on! However, if neither of you will be willing to permanently close that gap after some time, it will not work. You must talk about that first.
    Doesn't sound encouraging Will try to visit each other. Yeah I should be back in 2 years permanently. Other than that I will be back here maybe for certain holidays.

    Yeah it is a long time but I am worried there is only so much she can take of my issues. Me being away she may forget me. She said she can't forget me/move on ever but naturally I am very anxious regarding this.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is very true. However, my depression is a lot to with my career messing up and also having a physical disability as a result of an accident. Therefore, sitting at home won't help me. I must be brave I guess. But yeah losing her would be like the final thing imo. Thanks.
    I personally think that instead of pursuing this thing you should address why you have been depressed because of your career and disability. Yes your career is important , but there are more things important like family, friends, hobbies, lifestyle, your health. If you load all of your happiness onto one thing and it lets you down it will crush you. But then again this is just my opinion that I've come to through experiences .
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    (Original post by insignificant)
    I personally think that instead of pursuing this thing you should address why you have been depressed because of your career and disability. Yes your career is important , but there are more things important like family, friends, hobbies, lifestyle, your health. If you load all of your happiness onto one thing and it lets you down it will crush you. But then again this is just my opinion that I've come to through experiences .
    You are right and probably more mature than me. It's what everyone else tells me. I have a loving gf and close friends/family who give similar advice.

    I just feel unlucky with my life in terms of personal things like my career and disability-both linked as well. I am trying to address both badly and refuse to give in. I refuse to alter my goals as they were my goals before it all went pear shaped. I don't want them to be barriers, I have to overcome it.

    Quality of life is more important to me then living for the sake of living. It's sad but it's the way I think. If I knew right now I would lose my gf by going then I would not go. This is because she is irreplaceable and the only real positive in my life.
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    Is there any reason why she can't go abroad with you?

    I'm currently in an LDR and it is difficult as hell. Everyday I'm just thinking about how I'll save up and move to his city one day.
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    Is there any reason why she can't go abroad with you?

    I'm currently in an LDR and it is difficult as hell. Everyday I'm just thinking about how I'll save up and move to his city one day.
    Initially she was going to come but sadly she has very valid reasons that stop her. If it was further down the line she may have.

    I have trouble handling change and this is major for me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Initially she was going to come but sadly she has very valid reasons that stop her. If it was further down the line she may have.

    I have trouble handling change and this is major for me.
    Ok, fair enough. You say you'll be back in 2 years, so at least you have that clear end date in sight. You don't know yet what the LDR will be like until you try it, so stop worrying so much and just go with the flow. It's very easy to keep in touch with people anywhere in the world these days with emails, social networking, video calling, phone calls, texts, letters, etc. There are a couple of LDR threads on this website if you want to chat to other people in the same situation as you
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    Ok, fair enough. You say you'll be back in 2 years, so at least you have that clear end date in sight. You don't know yet what the LDR will be like until you try it, so stop worrying so much and just go with the flow. It's very easy to keep in touch with people anywhere in the world these days with emails, social networking, video calling, phone calls, texts, letters, etc. There are a couple of LDR threads on this website if you want to chat to other people in the same situation as you
    Thanks hun. Hope it goes well for you. Your ldr is within the uk though right? I will definitely find that thread. I will have to try and establish guaranteed contact with my gf in some way. What's the best for overseas? Someone mentioned skype. Is there anything free where you can see them, hear them e.t.c rather than typing. Sorry I am not clued up on this and really don't want to just use facebook to keep in contact.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks hun. Hope it goes well for you. Your ldr is within the uk though right? I will definitely find that thread. I will have to try and establish guaranteed contact with my gf in some way. What's the best for overseas? Someone mentioned skype. Is there anything free where you can see them, hear them e.t.c rather than typing. Sorry I am not clued up on this and really don't want to just use facebook to keep in contact.
    Yeah, mine is within the UK, though still a bit difficult with 400 miles apart, so can't exactly decide to go see each other whenever we wanted. And thanks, I hope yours goes well too .

    Skype is free, and you can do video calls, phone calls and instant messaging through it, all free! Go download it and try it

    You can also do Facetime if you both have Apple devices, though I've never personally used it before so I couldn't tell you what that's like.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Doesn't sound encouraging Will try to visit each other. Yeah I should be back in 2 years permanently. Other than that I will be back here maybe for certain holidays.

    Yeah it is a long time but I am worried there is only so much she can take of my issues. Me being away she may forget me. She said she can't forget me/move on ever but naturally I am very anxious regarding this.
    Nahhhh. Dude you've been together for 7 years! 7!!!!! None of the LDR people I know of were together for 7 years! I was with my LDR gf for 1 year before I left the country (a minimum 5 years plus), it lasted a year and a half. You will only be gone for 2. Your relationship has already stood the test of time, I know married couples who have been together for less time than you two have! I think your chances are good! Just stay positive and DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT get emotional all the time. After the initial week or two, you MUST keep the conversation light and easy 90% of the time. And of course, keep up the trust!
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    7 years is a long time, you know each other well - there is no reason why you shouldn't go on strong.

    Anyway, there are many resources on the internet for ideas of long distance relationships and to keep the spark up.
    also, you are 'just' across Europe (ie, not across oceans), so you may be able to find the occasional affordable flight for a weekend, and you know you will have holidays together.

    Try sending letters to each other as well as Skype/phoning often (switch things up to prevent a routine from becoming a chore). Sending handmade gifts and letters is also much more personal than merely Skype and will help up.
    Also, think that absence makes the heart grow fonder, so you will treasure your encounters for those 2 years, and afterwards you will be permanently together again. Either way, do not fear and have faith - 7 years is a long time, you are both in it for the long run.

    For a bit of extra motivation - I know a lovely couple who've been together for 8-9 years, 4 of those years they have spent in an LDR across Europe (and not from the beginning of the relationship). They have regular contact with each other and love each other like the first day.

    Add-on - there is also a sticky topic which has advice and support for TSR members in an LDR Relationship - I would recommend checking it out!
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    (Original post by Llewellyn_J)
    Nahhhh. Dude you've been together for 7 years! 7!!!!! None of the LDR people I know of were together for 7 years! I was with my LDR gf for 1 year before I left the country (a minimum 5 years plus), it lasted a year and a half. You will only be gone for 2. Your relationship has already stood the test of time, I know married couples who have been together for less time than you two have! I think your chances are good! Just stay positive and DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT get emotional all the time. After the initial week or two, you MUST keep the conversation light and easy 90% of the time. And of course, keep up the trust!
    Cheers mate. I think that's true about the length of time. Ditto on the end part-I will ruin our relationship if I am constantly worried about it. Got to trust each other and talk normally as we do now.
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    (Original post by Journeyzap)
    7 years is a long time, you know each other well - there is no reason why you shouldn't go on strong.

    Anyway, there are many resources on the internet for ideas of long distance relationships and to keep the spark up.
    also, you are 'just' across Europe (ie, not across oceans), so you may be able to find the occasional affordable flight for a weekend, and you know you will have holidays together.

    Try sending letters to each other as well as Skype/phoning often (switch things up to prevent a routine from becoming a chore). Sending handmade gifts and letters is also much more personal than merely Skype and will help up.
    Also, think that absence makes the heart grow fonder, so you will treasure your encounters for those 2 years, and afterwards you will be permanently together again. Either way, do not fear and have faith - 7 years is a long time, you are both in it for the long run.

    For a bit of extra motivation - I know a lovely couple who've been together for 8-9 years, 4 of those years they have spent in an LDR across Europe (and not from the beginning of the relationship). They have regular contact with each other and love each other like the first day.

    Add-on - there is also a sticky topic which has advice and support for TSR members in an LDR Relationship - I would recommend checking it out!
    Really positive message. Yeah we have been together long and it is 2 years away. It feels like a long time but will fly hopefully. Also, as you say we can visit each other. I agree I will definitely mix it up in keeping contact-I sometimes write letters to her anyway and vice versa

    That's really sweet regarding the couple you mention! A long time frame apart too. Ah it hurts so much, especially when it seems like you can't even remember how life was before your other half.
 
 
 
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