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Feeling lonely and depresses away from uni Watch

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    Basically I have suffered from social anxiety for as long as I can remember, but I started getting treatment for it a few months ago. Even when I don't feel anxious I find it tough to talk to people because my social skills are pretty poor - I just don't know what to say to people a lot of the time, even if I know them well. I did start to feel a bit better and more in control during my CBT but ever since I left uni for the summer I have felt more and more depressed.

    I don't have any friends at home so the only friends I have are from uni, but I very rarely hear from them. I feel like I'm the one making all the effort, and if I wasn't texting/messaging people then I wouldn't here from anyone. I'm desperate to talk to someone but my anxiety and lack of social skills mean I'm hopeless at talking over the phone so I avoid making calls where possible, though I would really appreciate it if someone called me. The longer I don't hear from people, the more isolated I feel and the more I doubt whether these people are actually my friends.

    I feel like I'm stuck in a hopeless and unhelpful cycle of depressive thoughts, and I'm trying to remember the stuff I learnt from CBT but the fact that I only have one friend that contacts me off their own back is something I can't get out of my mind. I could really do with some advice, can anyone help me?
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    Hey there Anon, I hope your weekend has been good :hugs: Sorry for taking two days to get a response.

    I know what you mean about phone calls, I absolutely detest ringing someone as it's hard to know what to say and if you've called the wrong peron it's just awkward :dontknow: Are you a part of any societies per chance? If not that will be one of your best bets so you can find more people in line with your interests who meet up on regular occasions and if you start in the new year they'll be a bunch of freshers joining who will probably be more nervous than you are so it should be fairly easy to get to know them.

    I also used to have a problem keeping in contact with mates so we set up a group chat in FB where everyone was involved and no one was left out so that could possibly be an option, maybe? People may be more chatty if others are involved. It's a long shot but there ya go. Also it doesn't work for everyone but do you have many solitary hobbies? I don't get the opportunities to see my friends these days yet I don't get lonely just because i'm alone as I have hobbies which I can entertain myself with. So it maybe worth looking into things you enjoy doing, or finding new ones, and then possibly joining clubs of what you like and then meet people that way (ala Book clubs, Fitness, theatre). Even better if you can get your old friends to join in so ask if there's anything they fancy trying out. Again, it's regular contact with people that you can get to know at your own pace who will be somewhat simular in interests.

    Even something like a ramblers club which has the added benefit of the endorphins it releases would be good or volunatary work (Uni's normally have a notice board with ops on) as you'll get regular contact with service users and the other volunteers.
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    (Original post by IMakeSenseToNone)
    Hey there Anon, I hope your weekend has been good :hugs: Sorry for taking two days to get a response.

    I know what you mean about phone calls, I absolutely detest ringing someone as it's hard to know what to say and if you've called the wrong peron it's just awkward :dontknow: Are you a part of any societies per chance? If not that will be one of your best bets so you can find more people in line with your interests who meet up on regular occasions and if you start in the new year they'll be a bunch of freshers joining who will probably be more nervous than you are so it should be fairly easy to get to know them.

    I also used to have a problem keeping in contact with mates so we set up a group chat in FB where everyone was involved and no one was left out so that could possibly be an option, maybe? People may be more chatty if others are involved. It's a long shot but there ya go. Also it doesn't work for everyone but do you have many solitary hobbies? I don't get the opportunities to see my friends these days yet I don't get lonely just because i'm alone as I have hobbies which I can entertain myself with. So it maybe worth looking into things you enjoy doing, or finding new ones, and then possibly joining clubs of what you like and then meet people that way (ala Book clubs, Fitness, theatre). Even better if you can get your old friends to join in so ask if there's anything they fancy trying out. Again, it's regular contact with people that you can get to know at your own pace who will be somewhat simular in interests.

    Even something like a ramblers club which has the added benefit of the endorphins it releases would be good or volunatary work (Uni's normally have a notice board with ops on) as you'll get regular contact with service users and the other volunteers.
    Thanks for the reply! I'm not part of any societies at the moment. I know that's a good way of meeting people but while I was at school I was part of a couple of sports clubs and didn't really make any friends there, and after a while I stopped enjoying it and left. I tried to make myself go to societies the last couple of years (I'm about to start my third year) but with my anxiety I found starting uni very stressful, and it look me a long time to make any friends in halls, so the thought of going to a society (and therefore extra stress) wasn't something I could handle.

    I've started blogging this summer so that is something I can do on my own, and it has managed to keep me distracted for a bit. You make a lot of good suggestions, it's just about pushing myself into doing them, I guess. Easier said than done.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the reply! I'm not part of any societies at the moment. I know that's a good way of meeting people but while I was at school I was part of a couple of sports clubs and didn't really make any friends there, and after a while I stopped enjoying it and left. I tried to make myself go to societies the last couple of years (I'm about to start my third year) but with my anxiety I found starting uni very stressful, and it look me a long time to make any friends in halls, so the thought of going to a society (and therefore extra stress) wasn't something I could handle.

    I've started blogging this summer so that is something I can do on my own, and it has managed to keep me distracted for a bit. You make a lot of good suggestions, it's just about pushing myself into doing them, I guess. Easier said than done.
    Alas indeed it is, hence why it's easier if you can find friends to back you up and go. Is there any ops to help out on welcome week? You can meet some new people then who will be even more anxious than you are and then help them out so even if you don't make friends through it, maybe it'll help your confidence. Also does your uni have a peer mentor system? If you could join that and then help out first years by meeting up with them every week than that could be something work a look-in :^_^:

    Blogging is certainly really good, have slight social anxiety like I do I am hoping to spend most of my days in the library Frodo Baggins gets me atleast.
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    (Original post by IMakeSenseToNone)
    Alas indeed it is, hence why it's easier if you can find friends to back you up and go. Is there any ops to help out on welcome week? You can meet some new people then who will be even more anxious than you are and then help them out so even if you don't make friends through it, maybe it'll help your confidence. Also does your uni have a peer mentor system? If you could join that and then help out first years by meeting up with them every week than that could be something work a look-in :^_^:

    Blogging is certainly really good, have slight social anxiety like I do I am hoping to spend most of my days in the library Frodo Baggins gets me atleast.
    Yeah we do have some of those things, might take a look. Thanks!
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    I have another problem - I asked someone who I thought was a friend if they wanted to meet up, and they blanked me completely. If there really are my friend, are they any fair reasons why they would do this?
 
 
 
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