Sensitivity and not wanting to be part of the crowd

Is it just me, or do I feel so like the odd one out for being introspective and sensitive, and wanting something different from the general swathes and crowds of people, you could say youths part of the youth culture, who bafflingly all seem to want to surrender their individuality to the mob, the crowd, which seems their idea of heaven and my idea of hell. I'm percieved as werid for the way I conduct my life, people say stuff about me'missing out of life', 'what do youwant out of life?' etc etc and all that bolllocks, they cannot seem to comprehend someone being sensitive or introspective, and the fact that my relationships are different. I don't want to spread myself thinly, doleing out affection to any tom dick and harry. To me a relationship should be meaningful, you should have fulfilling relationships where you care, with yourclose family and just a few close people. Too many people just flail around, part of the crowd, and spread themselves thinly. So I'm speaking out, for anyone who feels the same, and is sick of being castigated.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

There must beatleast ONE person.....

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

i am, sort of.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Cool. So what are the feelings you've been having?

Reply 4

Chumbaniya

17

Anonymous

Is it just me, or do I feel so like the odd one out for being introspective and sensitive, and wanting something different from the general swathes and crowds of people, you could say youths part of the youth culture, who bafflingly all seem to want to surrender their individuality to the mob, the crowd, which seems their idea of heaven and my idea of hell. I'm percieved as werid for the way I conduct my life, people say stuff about me'missing out of life', 'what do youwant out of life?' etc etc and all that bolllocks, they cannot seem to comprehend someone being sensitive or introspective, and the fact that my relationships are different. I don't want to spread myself thinly, doleing out affection to any tom dick and harry. To me a relationship should be meaningful, you should have fulfilling relationships where you care, with yourclose family and just a few close people. Too many people just flail around, part of the crowd, and spread themselves thinly. So I'm speaking out, for anyone who feels the same, and is sick of being castigated.

You appear to have a very rare disease. In psychological circles, we call it "Being a sensible person".

I cannot understand how any reasonable person can feel happy as part of the mob, interacting meaninglessly with others without any thought about why they do it or what it means (the obvious explanation that springs to mind being they are not, in fact, reasonable people). Others might view a more considered, calm, and individual life as being out of the ordinary, but since when do the (poorly made) judgements of other people matter to how someone decides to live their own life.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Well cheers. You elaborate further what I was trying to express. It does perplex me that people can do as you say, and seemingly be competely unconcerned by the lack in quality of life those actions bring

Reply 6

supernova2

11

Im all for doing your own thing but the problem is, if you think more, you enjoy life less.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

supernova2

Im all for doing your own thing but the problem is, if you think more, you enjoy life less.

I'm not sure thats true. Would you want to live an unexamined, instinctive life? You'd be out of control of your emotions and thoughts, surely?

Reply 8

Chumbaniya

17

supernova2

Im all for doing your own thing but the problem is, if you think more, you enjoy life less.

Time to roll out that wonderful quote from Mill:

"It is better to be a human being dissatisfied than a pig satisfied; better Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied. And if the fool, or the pig, are of a different opinion, it is because they only know their side of the question."

People who don't think may have more enjoyable lives in the sense of purely pleasurable experiences, but that does not make their lives more fulfilling. I know I would be more content if I were stupid and went with the crowd all the time, but I would never choose to do so over being independent and thoughtful, even if I am less contented. Meaningless pleasurable experiences do not make a good life, but thinking a lot - while it does not make a life good on its own - can help you to do something meaningful with your life rather than coast along doing whatever is popular at the time.

Reply 9

Sync

14

I'm sort of like that - like at a party i'd prefer to have a proper conversation with a few people, rather than just going around and talking to everyone for like 30 seconds. Truth be told I don't really like huge parties and much prefer smaller gatherings (like 15 people or so). I suppose that's just my introverted nature though.

That said, i'm not castigated for it; i've got a lot of brilliant friends and always go out at weekends and holidays for example. I'm going away on about four different holidays with my friends this summer, then going to Australia with two of my best mates for our gap year.

I just tend to be quiet in large groups and prefer to listen rather than be center of attention; sometimes I feel that makes me come off as uninterested and detached, but that's not the case. I'd consider myself really 'close' to around 10 of my friends, and I prefer to have a few good friends, rather than trying to please everyone. I feel I can 'open up' around my good friends a lot more than in large groups, which I like. Be yourself - people will soon appreciate you for who you are.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Sync

I'm sort of like that - like at a party i'd prefer to have a proper conversation with a few people, rather than just going around and talking to everyone for like 30 seconds. Truth be told I don't really like huge parties and much prefer smaller gatherings (like 15 people or so). I suppose that's just my introverted nature though.

That said, i'm not castigated for it; i've got a lot of brilliant friends and always go out at weekends and holidays for example. I'm going away on about four different holidays with my friends this summer, then going to Australia with two of my best mates for our gap year.

I just tend to be quiet in large groups and prefer to listen rather than be center of attention; sometimes I feel that makes me come off as uninterested and detached, but that's not the case. I'd consider myself really 'close' to around 10 of my friends, and I prefer to have a few good friends, rather than trying to please everyone. I feel I can 'open up' around my good friends a lot more than in large groups, which I like. Be yourself - people will soon appreciate you for who you are.

Well 10 or 15 is way too many for me...that'd get right on my tits,as would going on a gap year with two others. Basically I like a few friends to see occasionally and an interesting girlfriend, that'd do me plenty

Reply 11

Chumbaniya

17

The important thing to note here is that there are a lot of people who feel uncomfortable with being part of the crowd, and each one of them will probably find others who feel similarly. My close friends are people like this and the relationships I have with them are more meaningful than the superficial relationships I see between more extroverted people. Unsurprisingly, I find the further I go in education, the more people like me I find.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

But thanks for your input lads

Reply 13

Sync

14

Well, you're probably just introverted to a greater extent than I am then. The point is that you're not alone and can still have a great time without conforming to what others consider 'the norm'.

Reply 14

miss liverpool fc

i think youre brave, i kinda lost close friends cos i didnt like the way they were goin, and the crowd they followed. sometimes i feel happy and relieved that i didnt follow. but there is sometimes i want that security of bein a member of a group.
if you feel like you do and are happy, then that is great!

Reply 15

Anonymous #3

to OP: yes

Small groups are far better. Longs rambling discussions in a pub over a huge noisy crowd dancing like they're simulating sex (oh yes, actually they are) to rubbish music in a club.

Sometimes I wonder if I should have more people to hang out with, the big groups some people do .... then I realise I prefer my own smaller more intimate group.

I'm hoping not everyone at univ is going to fall into the let's-go-and-get-drunk-to-bad-music-in-a-huge-group type thing. Having met a fresher's rep for my place I'm already a bit worried, but I figure I'll find my crowd in the end, small crowd though it may be :smile:

Reply 16

Anonymous #3

Anonymous

Well 10 or 15 is way too many for me...that'd get right on my tits,as would going on a gap year with two others. Basically I like a few friends to see occasionally and an interesting girlfriend, that'd do me plenty

10-15? Me neither! I couldn't possibly be 'close' to that many people, it would take years to know people well enough to be able to 'open up'. But then I'm not sure it's a good idea to totally open up to anyone. There are some (especially relationship/boyfriend, some deeper emotions) details about my life that I would much rather keep secret, it seems to cheapen things like that when I tell someone not involved, even if they are a best friend!

Reply 17

SuperhansFavouriteAlsatian

A lot of people here seem to hold the belief that they, as the individual elite, are the bastions of freedom against the sheep who merely follow the rest of the crowds.

Ever thought that maybe people follow the crowd because it's what they want to do? What would you do in their place, purposely do something different, to your detriment, just so you can't be accused of "bafflingly seem to want to surrender (your) individuality to the mob"?

Reply 18

Anonymous #3

DanGrover

A lot of people here seem to hold the belief that they, as the individual elite, are the bastions of freedom against the sheep who merely follow the rest of the crowds.

Ever thought that maybe people follow the crowd because it's what they want to do? What would you do in their place, purposely do something different, to your detriment, just so you can't be accused of "bafflingly seem to want to surrender (your) individuality to the mob"?

And equally some people don't want to do what the crowd is doing, not because of the crowd but because of what they're doing. Then they worry that they should be doing something they don't want to - because the crowd is.

And some people like spending time forging particularly close friendships with fewer people rather than less close ones with more people.

It all depends on who you are, neither is better or worse.

But I must say, individuals have more style :p:

Reply 19

Invisiblank

I agree about having fewer closer friends than having a lot of friends that you can't really talk to about your problems and life. I'm pretty content with 1 friend and 1 boyfriend in my life at the moment.

Sensitivity and not wanting to be part of the crowd

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