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Another girl getting between us Watch

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    My boyfriend and I have been together over a year. We are an hour and a half apart from each other. I've recently been having issues with anxiety and reactive depression, and I think paranoia has come as a package with that.

    My issue is that a girl that my boyfriend is in a "friendship group" with (aka if he was invited to something she would be there) flirts constantly with him. She talks to him all the time, and says things to him that would be considered inappropriate to say to somebody who has a girlfriend. I have spoken to my boyfriend about this, and he's been sweet and said all the soppy stuff to convince me there's nothing between them and never will be, but I'm not happy with her even TRYING to create anything between them.

    I spoke to one of this girl and my boyfriend's mutual friends who said she's noticed her flirting with him, and says she's an attention seeker and that I shouldn't worry but I'm finding it so hard to stop, especially since whenever it causes arguments between us (fairly regularly recently), he seems to defend her, saying she isn't trying anything etc.

    I would never tell my boyfriend to cut anyone out of his life, although truth be told I wish she wasn't a part of his life, and I'm really struggling to know what to do.

    Anyone ever been in the same situation and/or would be able to offer some advise?

    Any help is greatly appreciated, I really hate feeling like this
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriend and I have been together over a year. We are an hour and a half apart from each other. I've recently been having issues with anxiety and reactive depression, and I think paranoia has come as a package with that.

    My issue is that a girl that my boyfriend is in a "friendship group" with (aka if he was invited to something she would be there) flirts constantly with him. She talks to him all the time, and says things to him that would be considered inappropriate to say to somebody who has a girlfriend. I have spoken to my boyfriend about this, and he's been sweet and said all the soppy stuff to convince me there's nothing between them and never will be, but I'm not happy with her even TRYING to create anything between them.

    I spoke to one of this girl and my boyfriend's mutual friends who said she's noticed her flirting with him, and says she's an attention seeker and that I shouldn't worry but I'm finding it so hard to stop, especially since whenever it causes arguments between us (fairly regularly recently), he seems to defend her, saying she isn't trying anything etc.

    I would never tell my boyfriend to cut anyone out of his life, although truth be told I wish she wasn't a part of his life, and I'm really struggling to know what to do.

    Anyone ever been in the same situation and/or would be able to offer some advise?

    Any help is greatly appreciated, I really hate feeling like this
    I went through something like this, except a guy was flirting with me. I was fully honest about it with my boyfriend and he told me he doesn't care unless I flirt back. I kept telling the guy that I have a boyfriend but he wouldn't cut it out. Eventually, I decided to start ignoring him. Unfortunately it's up to your boyfriend to make that call. He has to realise when this girl is crossing the line and to do something about it. Trust him, even though it's hard to sit back and do nothing. Hopefully he'll decide to firmly tell the girl to stop or end the friendship. If he can't make that call on his own, then you shouldn't really be with him. You shouldn't have to stop this yourself. You've been together a year so I'm sure he really loves you and wouldn't throw it away for some random flirt.

    Good luck!
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    (Original post by cat-lover)
    I went through something like this, except a guy was flirting with me. I was fully honest about it with my boyfriend and he told me he doesn't care unless I flirt back. I kept telling the guy that I have a boyfriend but he wouldn't cut it out. Eventually, I decided to start ignoring him. Unfortunately it's up to your boyfriend to make that call. He has to realise when this girl is crossing the line and to do something about it. Trust him, even though it's hard to sit back and do nothing. Hopefully he'll decide to firmly tell the girl to stop or end the friendship. If he can't make that call on his own, then you shouldn't really be with him. You shouldn't have to stop this yourself. You've been together a year so I'm sure he really loves you and wouldn't throw it away for some random flirt.

    Good luck!
    I'm glad it worked out for you in the end!
    I'd love for my boyfriend to tell her to cut it out, but it would cause a lot of conflict between his friendship group as all of her friends are his friends etc. He's said he'll do something about it and I THINK he's cut down replying to her, but I'm honestly so scared she's taking me for a complete mug and thinking it's okay to flirt with my boyfriend because of the distance between us.

    Might be worth adding that I've met her several times and each time she has acted rudely towards me and as though she dislikes me, even before I started getting anxious and her friendship with my boyfriend.

    I don't want to break up over this, of course, because as far as I can see it's her in the wrong not him.

    Thank you!
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    I would say don't fall out with your boyfriend over this - this gives her the power to affect your relationship badly. Rather show her by your body language and when appropriate some well chosen words that you know what she is up to and don't appreciate it.
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    I'm seconding the don't fall out with your boyfriend approach! That really will ruin the relationship. Instead, tell him you fully trust him and love him and try to turn it all into a jokey thing - it's flattering to have anyone flirt with you so I suggest saying things to that effect but whilst letting him know you're v much into him. He is already with you, you've won so I vote trust him


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    x
    Don't overwhelm yourself OP. Just stay calm.
    Maybe you could confront him and tell him how uncomfortable it feels. It shouldn't lead to a fall out!
    Just make sure that you know you can trust him and that her flirts aren't to be taken seriously. If you really must, then defend how you feel by confronting her.

    I was in your situation too! A girl from my boyfriend's group kept on calling him and flirting with him in public. The worst part was that she also insulted me and called me stuff on Tumblr and to the people who I thought were my friends (and they even sided her!)
    Eventually he left the group on his own will because he couldn't stand the ignorance and backstabbing.
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    Here's the deal, if he's not flirting back it's nowt to get anxious about necessarily, however it is a matter of respect, and any reasonable character will not tolerate anyone showing his girlfriend disrespect, never mind a lack of respect for his/her feelings. This friend may have always been this way with the guy, and may be flirty/attention seeking in general, however if I were you I'd encourage him to man up and nip it in the bud if the level of flirtation is seriously inappropriate
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    If your boyfriend refuses to do anything about this then it shows (at the very least) that he enjoys this girl flirting with him and therefore disrespecting you. How would he like it if you let a guy flirt with you all the time? He would cry in his pillow every night.
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    I'm experiencing something similar except that I'm very far away from my boyfriend (living in different countries) so I have not even met the girl before. I've been arguing a lot with my boyfriend lately because of that since he goes out every other day with his group of friends. I had a major argument with him yesterday and apparently she called him yesterday night to ask if he's okay or not :/ He keeps reassuring me that he won't cheat on me and for me to stop being so jealous but I can't help it! Worst part is, his group of friends all hate me because I argued with him over 'small matters'.
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    Seen this exact thing before in my group of mates at school. Boy with girlfriend spending more and more time with the attention seeking whore of the year. Happily she led on so many people that by the end of the year she was universally hated.

    I think the best way to deal with this is to slyly get people on your side without upsetting your BF. Or my standard advice of torch her house.
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    (Original post by whisper2012)
    I'm seconding the don't fall out with your boyfriend approach! That really will ruin the relationship. Instead, tell him you fully trust him and love him and try to turn it all into a jokey thing - it's flattering to have anyone flirt with you so I suggest saying things to that effect but whilst letting him know you're v much into him. He is already with you, you've won so I vote trust him


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    I'm trying not to fall out with him over it but it's very difficult to not make sly digs here and there haha! I have told him that and he understands that it's not him I don't trust, but her. I guess you're right! Thanks

    (Original post by ashleighgiles)
    Don't overwhelm yourself OP. Just stay calm.
    Maybe you could confront him and tell him how uncomfortable it feels. It shouldn't lead to a fall out!
    Just make sure that you know you can trust him and that her flirts aren't to be taken seriously. If you really must, then defend how you feel by confronting her.

    I was in your situation too! A girl from my boyfriend's group kept on calling him and flirting with him in public. The worst part was that she also insulted me and called me stuff on Tumblr and to the people who I thought were my friends (and they even sided her!)
    Eventually he left the group on his own will because he couldn't stand the ignorance and backstabbing.
    I thought about confronting her and perhaps I will if it continues for much longer! Despite him not wanting me to, maybe it's necessary.

    Aw that's horrible .

    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Here's the deal, if he's not flirting back it's nowt to get anxious about necessarily, however it is a matter of respect, and any reasonable character will not tolerate anyone showing his girlfriend disrespect, never mind a lack of respect for his/her feelings. This friend may have always been this way with the guy, and may be flirty/attention seeking in general, however if I were you I'd encourage him to man up and nip it in the bud if the level of flirtation is seriously inappropriate
    The respect thing is exactly what I'm worried about, she clearly has no respect for our relationship and that's got to change! I think it's more of a case of wanting what she can't have, as far as I know she never paid any particular attention to him before he was with me. Thanks!

    (Original post by Akiraryuu)
    I'm experiencing something similar except that I'm very far away from my boyfriend (living in different countries) so I have not even met the girl before. I've been arguing a lot with my boyfriend lately because of that since he goes out every other day with his group of friends. I had a major argument with him yesterday and apparently she called him yesterday night to ask if he's okay or not :/ He keeps reassuring me that he won't cheat on me and for me to stop being so jealous but I can't help it! Worst part is, his group of friends all hate me because I argued with him over 'small matters'.
    Oh that must be horrible I don't envy you!
    Good luck sorting things.

    (Original post by AwsomePossum)
    Seen this exact thing before in my group of mates at school. Boy with girlfriend spending more and more time with the attention seeking whore of the year. Happily she led on so many people that by the end of the year she was universally hated.

    I think the best way to deal with this is to slyly get people on your side without upsetting your BF. Or my standard advice of torch her house.
    Luckily for me he doesn't actually spend that much time with her, she just contacts him a lot via text and snapchat etc. Yeah, I get the impression his other friends are not the biggest fan of hers at the moment, which I'm happy about haha oops.

    I'll be sure to torch her house, thanks!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I thought about confronting her and perhaps I will if it continues for much longer! Despite him not wanting me to, maybe it's necessary.

    Aw that's horrible .

    I get the impression his other friends are not the biggest fan of hers at the moment, which I'm happy about haha oops.
    Aw
    Its important that you sort out your issue with her and convince him that you're uncomfortable with it. He should eventually appreciate your efforts and commitment to the relationship. Sometimes you need to be the tougher girl. Just remember to be strong. :yep:
    Also, good luck with settling things!

    I don't blame you for being happy about it! I can be on your side from the other end of the world too :yeah:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Oh that must be horrible I don't envy you!
    Good luck sorting things.
    Thanks! Hopefully you'll manage to sort things out with yours as well. Well at least yours do not see her all the time. Mine does and that's why I'm ticked off. I'm pretty sure his friends will be happier if he ends up with her as they hate me I was so hurt when his friends suggested to him that I'm trying to control him buy buying him lots of gifts but the reason I bought him stuff is because I love him and I know how much he wants it and I have enough money to buy it for him. I guess we both will just have to be strong!
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    (Original post by ashleighgiles)
    Aw
    Its important that you sort out your issue with her and convince him that you're uncomfortable with it. He should eventually appreciate your efforts and commitment to the relationship. Sometimes you need to be the tougher girl. Just remember to be strong. :yep:
    Also, good luck with settling things!

    I don't blame you for being happy about it! I can be on your side from the other end of the world too :yeah:
    You're so right haha thank you! I'm working on it!

    Haha :five:

    (Original post by Akiraryuu)
    Thanks! Hopefully you'll manage to sort things out with yours as well. Well at least yours do not see her all the time. Mine does and that's why I'm ticked off. I'm pretty sure his friends will be happier if he ends up with her as they hate me I was so hurt when his friends suggested to him that I'm trying to control him buy buying him lots of gifts but the reason I bought him stuff is because I love him and I know how much he wants it and I have enough money to buy it for him. I guess we both will just have to be strong!
    Aw yeah that would really get to me. Oh well, it isn't their relationship it's yours! And if your boyfriend eventually does listen to his friends over you and decide to go off with this other girl then I guess he obviously wasn't worth it in the first place.

    Thanks x
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    Talk to her (the girl), honestly one of my friends (she more of an acquaintance actually) is exactly like the girl that is going after your guy. She always gets really encouraged when the guy she is flirts with is taking back to her (even if he is not flirting) and when some one tells her to quit being such a b*tch then she actually does stop.
 
 
 
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