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Do you think my mum's being unreasonable? Watch

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    Sorry if this is a handful to read -- if so, skip to the end.

    I'm 13 but my mum won't let me do my own hair. I don't want to dye it or do anything like that to it; I just want it natural; curly. I have very tight curls which draw up easily and are quite delicate. The curls look like this but the sections a bit thinner (and not my hair colour, but this is just an example): http://www.tightlycurly.com/images/c...148%20copy.jpg

    This is what happens when you comb it out: http://www.tightlycurly.com/images/c...0combed164.jpg

    I had a chance to do my own hair after several years of my mum doing it, and alas; I failed. My hair was curly and I got compliments, but I started getting matted hair at the back of my hair because I didn't want to comb my hair out and cause the picture before. My mum relinquished my privileges and started getting out the mats with a comb. She hit me for doing that to my hair, and I cried. She told me "crying isn't going to help you" and told me to keep crying because she doesn't care.

    So now, two weeks later, she says my hair's in "good condition" when she's doing it when it's brittle, dry, and frizzy. It actually itches. After she washes my hair and it's curly, and I actually like my hair; she rakes a comb through my hair, making my hair frizzy and just... feral.

    I've asked "Can I try something new with my hair?" to her, but she just immediately says "No." She thinks she knows how to do my hair; but she doesn't. When she was younger, she had wavy hair which was more manageable than mine. She straightened it so much that it's permanently straight, now.

    Also, my sister and dad are involved with all of this also. They have tiny little meetings to discuss what they're going to do to my hair. My mum always listens to my sister and dad, even though my sister doesn't live at home anymore and is just staying for a while until she gets a new job, and my dad and her are divorced. My sister has suggested to cornrow my hair until I'm sixteen; an idea I absolutely hate. I can't pull off cornrows like some others can; they make my head look thin, and they hurt my scalp. And if there's an itch underneath one of the braids; I'm screwed.

    My mum has hit me in the past for doing things different with my hair, so please don't suggest "just do what you want with your hair behind her back", because I don't want to get hit again.

    TL;DR:

    1) I have very tight curls.
    2) After years of having to sit at my mum's feet and let her pull my hair out with a comb, I finally get to do my hair.
    3) I fail miserably; hair has huge mat at the back of it.
    4) Mum = furious. Hits me on the back of the head whilst combing it out.
    5) 2 weeks later hair = brittle & dry
    6) Sister suggests cornrows until age of 16; mum likes the idea, yet I am miserable.
    7) I am not allowed to do anything with my hair or defy my mum in any way or form.

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    My hair is curly too, not as curly as yours though, and I used to hate my mum doing my hair and would cry getting it combed too so I can relate to that... I also get super frizzy hair and now when I see pictures I get embarrassed!!
    We used to plait my hair a lot, you could suggest that instead of cornrows if you would prefer it?
    I'm 17 and constantly straighten my hair, I very rarely wear it natural! And if I am honest I wish my mum hadn't let me have so much free will when I was younger because I began to straighten it all the time and now feel as though my natural hair doesn't suit me! It is difficult having curls
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    Your mum hits you because of your hair? Jesus
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    (Original post by abbymonty)
    My hair is curly too, not as curly as yours though, and I used to hate my mum doing my hair and would cry getting it combed too so I can relate to that... I also get super frizzy hair and now when I see pictures I get embarrassed!!
    We used to plait my hair a lot, you could suggest that instead of cornrows if you would prefer it?
    I'm 17 and constantly straighten my hair, I very rarely wear it natural! And if I am honest I wish my mum hadn't let me have so much free will when I was younger because I began to straighten it all the time and now feel as though my natural hair doesn't suit me! It is difficult having curls
    This was me untill a few years ago. I'm 17 too, although my hair isn't quite as curly as yours OP, it is still difficult to manage. What I do is I comb conditioner through it in the shower to get rid of any tangles/knots and then blow dry it with a diffuser so it's not dripping wet and leave it to air dry. Your family are being unreasonable, maybe you could say you'll wear your hair in a bun (if you can) or something when you're out to stop it getting matted if they let you take responsibility of it. Good luck
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    (Original post by Wild Nothing)
    This was me untill a few years ago. I'm 17 too, although my hair isn't quite as curly as yours OP, it is still difficult to manage. What I do is I comb conditioner through it in the shower to get rid of any tangles/knots and then blow dry it with a diffuser so it's not dripping wet and leave it to air dry. Your family are being unreasonable, maybe you could say you'll wear your hair in a bun (if you can) or something when you're out to stop it getting matted if they let you take responsibility of it. Good luck
    That won't work out too well because my mum doesn't want me to do anything with my hair. If I put it in a different style, I'll get an earful or even a slap/hit.
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    Bump.

    I really need advice with this.
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    I know how you feel because my natural hair is just a big afro really :rolleyes:

    If you don't like the idea of cornrows (understandable, I hate them too ), you could try box braids.
    They take way longer to do but they last a long time.

    If you don't like box braids then perhaps you could keep your hair natural after you wash your hair.
    Instead of combing it and messing up your pretty curl pattern, you could try detangling it with your fingers.
    It takes a bit longer but it saves you from the horrors of combing.

    To stop your hair being so brittle, have you tried using oils and/or conditioner on it?
    Argan oil is really good for your hair and leaves it nice and shiny.
    And there are loads of leave in conditioners that can make your hair softer and less frizzy.
    Anyway I'd say try and moisturise your hair as much as you can.

    I hope this helps a little for now.
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    Ask for it chemically straightened, since your hair is very curly, the straightening will make your hair very managable and wavy It looks lovely honestly, my friend was the same

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    If your mum is hitting you, and does so regularly enough that you're afraid to even comb your own hair in case she does it again, then something is seriously wrong at home, and it goes way beyond hair.

    Call Childline or social services or something as soon as possible. You should not have to live in fear in your own home, least of all fear of your own parents. If you have anywhere else to go, I'd recommend that you get out of there. Child abuse is serious.
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    (Original post by dendodge)
    If your mum is hitting you, and does so regularly enough that you're afraid to even comb your own hair in case she does it again, then something is seriously wrong at home, and it goes way beyond hair.

    Call Childline or social services or something as soon as possible. You should not have to live in fear in your own home, least of all fear of your own parents. If you have anywhere else to go, I'd recommend that you get out of there. Child abuse is serious.
    She doesn't hit me regularly, but she threatens to do things to me sometimes. Once I was about to heat up some food to eat as a snack and she told me to heat up her container, so I said "okay" and put it on the counter so I could finish preparing the food I was preparing before she asked me. She yelled a minute or so later, asking where her food was. I told her I was still dealing with my food and she started yelling and she told me to put her food in first or she'd slap me.

    She's slapped me for putting clothes in the hamper, she told me not to put in a lot, so I didn't. My brother put in a lot, and she thought it was me and slapped me. She found out it was my brother and did nothing. She didn't even apologize.

    She's going to take me to go get my ears pierced which I am loathing; it's probably going to hurt. I don't want to go, but she calls me disrespectful when I object and tells me that she's in control of me.

    I'm already really self-conscious and shy, and the hair ordeal doesn't help either. I feel like "that stupid girl with the weird hair" when I go outside, I feel like people are looking at my frizzy hair sticking out of a peculiar hairstyle and thinking badly of me.

    I know parents can tell you to do anything they want you to do within the law, but should it make the child feel distressed?
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    (Original post by writerSalmon)
    She doesn't hit me regularly, but she threatens to do things to me sometimes. Once I was about to heat up some food to eat as a snack and she told me to heat up her container, so I said "okay" and put it on the counter so I could finish preparing the food I was preparing before she asked me. She yelled a minute or so later, asking where her food was. I told her I was still dealing with my food and she started yelling and she told me to put her food in first or she'd slap me.

    She's slapped me for putting clothes in the hamper, she told me not to put in a lot, so I didn't. My brother put in a lot, and she thought it was me and slapped me. She found out it was my brother and did nothing. She didn't even apologize.

    She's going to take me to go get my ears pierced which I am loathing; it's probably going to hurt. I don't want to go, but she calls me disrespectful when I object and tells me that she's in control of me.

    I'm already really self-conscious and shy, and the hair ordeal doesn't help either. I feel like "that stupid girl with the weird hair" when I go outside, I feel like people are looking at my frizzy hair sticking out of a peculiar hairstyle and thinking badly of me.

    I know parents can tell you to do anything they want you to do within the law, but should it make the child feel distressed?
    Oh, and the only other place I can think of is my dad's, but he's even worse than my mum (he hits me harder and gets very angry at small things) and my mum wouldn't even let me go to his home.

    I don't like talking to my dad either. I just like to distance myself from my parents.
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    I think your mum is being very unreasonable :/ Its your hair, you do what you like with it. If you want to talk, just inbox me . I love my mum very much although most of the time she's also very unreasonable, so I know what you're going through. & my dad, well don't even go there :/
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    (Original post by mxliss)
    I know how you feel because my natural hair is just a big afro really :rolleyes:

    If you don't like the idea of cornrows (understandable, I hate them too ), you could try box braids.
    They take way longer to do but they last a long time.

    If you don't like box braids then perhaps you could keep your hair natural after you wash your hair.
    Instead of combing it and messing up your pretty curl pattern, you could try detangling it with your fingers.
    It takes a bit longer but it saves you from the horrors of combing.

    To stop your hair being so brittle, have you tried using oils and/or conditioner on it?
    Argan oil is really good for your hair and leaves it nice and shiny.
    And there are loads of leave in conditioners that can make your hair softer and less frizzy.
    Anyway I'd say try and moisturise your hair as much as you can.

    I hope this helps a little for now.
    I'm not allowed to put anything in my hair, my mum wouldn't like that... :/

    She's hit me in the past for that, too.
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    Are you mixed race? And is your mum white or black?


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    (Original post by writerSalmon)
    She doesn't hit me regularly, but she threatens to do things to me sometimes. Once I was about to heat up some food to eat as a snack and she told me to heat up her container, so I said "okay" and put it on the counter so I could finish preparing the food I was preparing before she asked me. She yelled a minute or so later, asking where her food was. I told her I was still dealing with my food and she started yelling and she told me to put her food in first or she'd slap me.

    She's slapped me for putting clothes in the hamper, she told me not to put in a lot, so I didn't. My brother put in a lot, and she thought it was me and slapped me. She found out it was my brother and did nothing. She didn't even apologize.

    She's going to take me to go get my ears pierced which I am loathing; it's probably going to hurt. I don't want to go, but she calls me disrespectful when I object and tells me that she's in control of me.

    I'm already really self-conscious and shy, and the hair ordeal doesn't help either. I feel like "that stupid girl with the weird hair" when I go outside, I feel like people are looking at my frizzy hair sticking out of a peculiar hairstyle and thinking badly of me.

    I know parents can tell you to do anything they want you to do within the law, but should it make the child feel distressed?
    Well, that sounds like a typical abusive parent to me. If it's making you feel distressed, then you absolutely don't have to put up with it. I think a good first step would be to get in touch with some form of counsellor, probably through your school, who can give you better advice than anyone on TSR.

    Of course, if you do choose to pursue it, the consequences could be pretty huge, and irreversible, but I'm sure you'd worked that out already.

    Whatever happens, I honestly wish you the very best of luck (and hope that you don't need it).
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    (Original post by NeonV)
    Are you mixed race? And is your mum white or black?


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    I am black, and born in England. My dad was born in Barbados and his mum in Barbados and dad in Monserrat, I think.

    And my mum's parents are both Jamaican.
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    (Original post by dendodge)
    Well, that sounds like a typical abusive parent to me. If it's making you feel distressed, then you absolutely don't have to put up with it. I think a good first step would be to get in touch with some form of counsellor, probably through your school, who can give you better advice than anyone on TSR.

    Of course, if you do choose to pursue it, the consequences could be pretty huge, and irreversible, but I'm sure you'd worked that out already.

    Whatever happens, I honestly wish you the very best of luck (and hope that you don't need it).
    I don't want to get my family split up, though... :/
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    Ohh just tell her that you shall do what you want, force her to compromise, or settle for her way and don't complain. Those are your only options if you're going to be happy. I suppose though, if we're all perfectly honest, you're a early teen girl; you're going to complain.
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    (Original post by William Turtle)
    Ohh just tell her that you shall do what you want, force her to compromise, or settle for her way and don't complain. Those are your only options if you're going to be happy. I suppose though, if we're all perfectly honest, you're a early teen girl; you're going to complain.
    I don't complain, I just feel really down when she does my hair in one of her weird ways that she thinks looks good. I sometimes ask if I can try something new with my hair and she says "no", like usual. Again, I can't just do what I want, she'd hit me/get my father involved.
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    (Original post by dooobie_)
    Ask for it chemically straightened, since your hair is very curly, the straightening will make your hair very managable and wavy It looks lovely honestly, my friend was the same

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    I want it curly, though. I've heard that chemical straightening can have bad effects afterwards, too.
 
 
 
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