This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

why does he have this effect on me?

I met a guy about 18 months ago at work in my gap year and completely fell for him. He was older than me, although not too much older, but for him I think it was a problem. (When we met I was 18 and he was 23, now we're 20 and 25.) Things happened between us a few times when I stayed over at his house, although we never had sex, but afterwards he would always behave a bit weirdly and try to distance me a bit. I think he knew I had stronger feelings for him than he did for me, or something. I had just come out of a long term relationship and didn't like being single, and I genuinely thought he was just right for me. Anyway, in the autumn I left and went to uni, and we stayed in touch via email. We email each other fairly infrequently, probably a couple of times a term. In January I did 3 days' work and we went out for a drink, and in April I did 2 weeks' work and again we went for a drink. Every time I see him I realise I still fancy him, and I always feel stupidly happy when I see him or when he emails me. Tonight he texted me to say sorry he hadn't replied to my last email, which I sent about a month ago, because he's just moved house and hasn't had internet for a while, and I felt silly that I was so happy to hear from him. This summer I will be working there again for pretty much the whole holiday apart from 2 weeks when I'm travelling, and so I'll see him most days. Although I'm happy being single now, I can't stop thinking about how nice it will be to see him and how much I'd like it if he wanted me the way I wanted him last year. To be honest I don't really know what to make of it. Any ideas? Why does he have this effect on me? And does working with him this summer sound like a recipe for disaster to anyone else? I don't want it to be like last year, when I could effectively measure how good my day had been by whether I'd had any contact with him!

Reply 1

dementedbunny

hmmm... maybe if you don't force the issue and see what happens? laying yourself on too thickly might push him away a bit. i say this because you stated that he might have known that you had stronger feelings for him, so if you don't seem overly keen, he might just go for it. some guys like the chase i suppose. he does seem a bit interested in you considering that he's invited you over to stay and that you've done stuff so you have a good chance. much luck to you, madam :smile:

Reply 2

Friggerpants

Love is in the air!

Reply 3

jointhedots

I think it's kind of like having an itch that needs scratching - you want a relationship or something more than just a friendship with him and because you haven't had it yet, the idea of it seems exciting and makes you happy...Especially if you haven't felt like that about anyone else for a while, which might explain why you're still (seemingly) pretty hung up on him.

Working with him does sound like a bit of a bad idea to me...It doesn't sound from what you've said like he's into the idea of a relationship with you, and you might end up slightly fixated on him again. Relying on someone else, even partially, for your happiness is never a good thing and will lead to you getting hurt one way or another...Logically, maybe it would be best to put lots of space (as in complete lack of contact) between the two of you for a few months, if you can.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

But I have to do this job...

Reply 5

mal00

take things as they come.. sumtimes if u think too muich about a thing, everything seems like a disaster..
nywai gud luk with it

Reply 6

hallucination

Well, you never know, it might be different this time. Maybe he was nervous about starting a relationship with you as you were off to uni? Now you're settled in at uni, his feelings might change. My advice is to work with him and see how it goes...but don't start the job having any agenda...he might just like spending time with you and want to stay friends. I guess you'll never know unless you work there though!

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

Maybe you should just forget you have feelings for him, shut them away, ignore them. It's the best thing for it.

Reply 8

turkish_delight

i think u should just go with the flow and see what happens.....maybe time apart will have made him realise he misses you.......good luck!

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Well I have absolutely no choice about working there so I guess I'll have to see how things go... :frown:

Reply 10

1013

To be brutal - it doesnt sound like he's interested in having a rpoper relationship with you but is happy to mess around every so often. It also seems like he might have a girlfriend.
I would leave him alone and try to find a job elesewhere.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

I've already said twice, I really, absolutely, cannot find another job elsewhere under any circumstances.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

I've already said twice, I really, absolutely, cannot find another job elsewhere under any circumstances.

Oh, and he definitely doesn't have a girlfriend.

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Articles for you

Writing an economics personal statement: expert advice from universities

Try out the app

Continue on web