Not getting married unless she takes my surname?

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Darth Juggernaut
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#1
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Whats your opinion on this?

I personally would not marry a woman unless she took my last name. Every female member of my family took their husbands surname. To add to that, in all married couples I have come across, the wife took the husbands surname so I would feel emasculated if my girlfriend wouldnt take mine.

You can say its chauvinistic but its something I am very traditional about. The idea of marriage is as outdated as the wife taking the husbands last name anyway. The father walking the daughter down the aisle and giving her hand to the future husband can also been seen as sexist if you think about it.

Most women wouldnt make the first move on a man even if they liked him. Surely that is sexist because it requires the man to do the chasing but plenty of people accept it as the way it should be. Its how I feel about a woman taking my last name. It doesnt mean I think I own her any more than it means her dad thinks he is transferring ownership of her to me if she wants him to walk her down the aisle. Its just tradition.

If my girlfriend didnt wont take my last name then I wont get married to her. I would not break up with her but we can just remain as boyfriend and girlfriend and still be happy.

EDIT: I forgot to add that I wouldnt mind her using her maiden name for her professional career. But for everything else and officially, I would want her to take mine.
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Hellz_Bellz!
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If I get married I'm keeping my surname, whether that means making it a double-barrel surname or not. I'm proud of my surname.
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tomov
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CCL TBH
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ArtGoblin
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I wouldn't marry someone who insisted I take his name once we were married. He can take mine if he wants though.
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lou_100
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I personally find double-barrel names annoying, not 100% sure why. Think it's just a mouthful really. I think I'd take my husbands name, but only if it was actually a decent surname and not something which I will cringe at when I have to give my name out. Otherwise, I'd keep my own because I like it.

Also, I'd be proud to join with my husband and share the same surname. That indicates family and union. If I did change my mind and warmed to a double-barrel, I'd want my husband to change his name to the double-barrel too, so that we could continue to share in each other's names and have the same surname.

I do, however, find it slightly ridiculous that the sole reason for perhaps refusing to marry your girlfriend or calling off a wedding would be because she tells you she doesn't want to take your name. What a slap in the face for her. You aren't willing to give up your own name, so why should you insist girls have to give theirs up if they don't entirely want to, or at least ask for a double-barrel?
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Darth Juggernaut
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(Original post by ArtGoblin)
I wouldn't marry someone who insisted I take his name once we were married. He can take mine if he wants though.
I think thats fine. Im the opposite and wont marry unless she took my surname. I dont think either view is superior.
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IlexBlue
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Well you don't reek of "sexist, controlling boyfriend" at all.
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lucaf
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meh, nothing goes with my surname, so I would probably accept it. the kids better have it though, I must have an heir!
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dendodge
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I'd want us both to have the same surname. That's important to me, because I want to be Mr and Mrs something so everyone knows we're married.

I'd generally expect her to take my name, because that's just the done thing. But if she didn't want to take mine, I wouldn't have a problem with that; I'd either take hers or go double-barrelled.
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Darth Juggernaut
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(Original post by lou_100)
I personally find double-barrel names annoying, not 100% sure why. Think it's just a mouthful really. I think I'd take my husbands name, but only if it was actually a decent surname and not something which I will cringe at when I have to give my name out. Otherwise, I'd keep my own because I like it.

Also, I'd be proud to join with my husband and share the same surname. That indicates family and union. If I did change my mind and warmed to a double-barrel, I'd want my husband to change his name to the double-barrel too, so that we could continue to share in each other's names and have the same surname.

I do, however, find it slightly ridiculous that the sole reason for perhaps refusing to marry your girlfriend or calling off a wedding would be because she tells you she doesn't want to take your name. What a slap in the face for her. You aren't willing to give up your own name, so why should you insist girls have to give theirs up if they don't entirely want to, or at least ask for a double-barrel?
Its just the way I was raised in my surroundings. Its always been the wife taking the husbands surname. Its something I am very traditional about. In every married couple I have come across the wife took their husbands surname. This includes female family members. So if she didnt want to take mine then thats like a slap in the face to me.
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silverbolt
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guess im a traditionalist - but if i get married then id want my wife to take my name

course if one size refuses to do so - you could just make your on family surname.
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overthelove
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I would take my husband's surname. I already have a double-barrel surname so I would be quite limited in the choice I made over my surname once married. I like consistency, and I like the tradition so why not?
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Plainview
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To be fair, I would find it very annoying, and there'd be arguments over potential kids. But it wouldn't stop me marrying them if I properly loved them. Why get hung up on something like that if besides it you want to spend your whole life with someone?
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ArtGoblin
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(Original post by Darth Juggernaut)
I think thats fine. Im the opposite and wont marry unless she took my surname. I dont think either view is superior.
It's not the same. You're expecting someone to change their name which may be a big part of their identity; I'm saying that I'm not going to change my name for the sake of some outdated tradition. I certainly wouldn't expect someone to change their name for me.
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unprinted
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I couldn't care less about this. My partner wants to keep her surname, and yippee for her. It doesn't lessen the relationship in anyway whatsoever.
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fidgetingmidget
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I would be understanding of my wife's decision of not taking my surname, because the chances are it would sound really mismatched with her first name. It'll be her choice though, I don't care too much about that sort of thing.
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Treeroy
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(Original post by Darth Juggernaut)
Whats your opinion on this?

I personally would not marry a woman unless she took my last name. Every female member of my family took their husbands surname. To add to that, in all married couples I have come across, the wife took the husbands surname so I would feel emasculated if my girlfriend wouldnt take mine.

You can say its chauvinistic but its something I am very traditional about. The idea of marriage is as outdated as the wife taking the husbands last name anyway. The father walking the daughter down the aisle and giving her hand to the future husband can also been seen as sexist if you think about it.

Most women wouldnt make the first move on a man even if they liked him. Surely that is sexist because it requires the man to do the chasing but plenty of people accept it as the way it should be. Its how I feel about a woman taking my last name. It doesnt mean I think I own her any more than it means her dad thinks he is transferring ownership of her to me if she wants him to walk her down the aisle. Its just tradition.

If my girlfriend didnt wont take my last name then I wont get married to her. I would not break up with her but we can just remain as boyfriend and girlfriend and still be happy.
I don't see why guys want this so much, and I think it's pretty absurd to not want a partner who doesn't want to have connotations of the husband owning the wife, OP.

Though, I don't see the point of marriage anyway, so I guess my opinion isn't particular important.


If I ever got married to my boyfriend (very unlikely), I'm not sure what I'd do. Despite what I just said, maybe I'd want his name, I dunno.
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lou_100
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(Original post by Darth Juggernaut)
Its just the way I was raised in my surroundings. Its always been the wife taking the husbands surname. Its something I am very traditional about. In every married couple I have come across the wife took their husbands surname. This includes female family members. So if she didnt want to take mine then thats like a slap in the face to me.
I'm not saying I don't understand why you'd find it annoying or upsetting, I'm saying it's ridiculous to hold or cancel wedding plans because she doesn't want to let go of her own family name to take yours. In some cases, it may even end up in the end of the relationship if you didn't want to marry her anymore - all because she didn't want to change her name....
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Darth Juggernaut
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(Original post by IlexBlue)
Well you don't reek of "sexist, controlling boyfriend" at all.
Im pretty sure she wouldnt have made the first move on me. I had to do the chasing. OMG she must be sexist for expecting the man to make the move!!!!! :fuhrer:
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Jdizzle15
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I'd prefer her to take my name, but I do agree it is a bit emasculating to take her name.
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