Being a gay man sucks

1) Your sexual and romantic partners are limited substantially compared to your straight counterparts; therefore, you have to rely on seedy apps like Grindr.

2) Living anywhere outside major cities compounds this and means your choice is extremely limited.

3) Most gay men seem to be obsessed with other gay men having muscular bodies and chiseled features. Thus, if you get past the attractive face requirement, you still need to have the body which requires a lot of effort.

4) There seems to be no class divide between gay men; thus, you sometimes have to put up with chavvy idiots because the professional gays are not available.

5) Gay men are as rude as their straight counterparts in terms of disregarding people, not calling you back, finding people based purely on looks, etc.

6) Finding a long-term relationship is incredibly difficult as the most attractive gay men tend to be in the closet or slutty and therefore just looking for 'fun'.

7) Gay men are rarely faithful.

8) Most of the world hates you and thinks you're an abomination, more-so compared to lesbians.

So, basically, gay men have to put up with the same stuff women find difficult in courting men but also have to face a) lack of men to choose from and b) hatred and discrimination.

What a nice life to live. :rolleyes:

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Reply 1

Anonymous #2

I've heard similar complaints from gay men I know. For instance, I have a gay friend who finds it hard to find long-term relationship partners. He does tend to only go for the top branch people, but still it is hard to find someone for anything more than casual. Just thought I'd boost this thread 'cause it would be interesting to hear about other people's experiences.

Reply 2

Treeroy

1&2) I completely agree with this. I know like 2 other gay guys and that's it. Even using mobile apps (I can't even get grindr on my phone -_- have to use alternatives) no one's really around because I live in the countryside. I recently went to New York, where I would receive hundreds of messages on my phone from other guys complimenting me, and I could take my pick of loads of hot guys to hook up with. None of that here at home.

3) Some, but not all. I certainly prefer cute twinks to muscular hunks.

4) I don't really know what you mean here, but I think that's due to the small amount of gay guys around.

5) That just puts you on par with everyone else, so it's not really a point. :s-smilie:

6) Hm, not sure. I think there are plenty of good looking gay guys out there looking for serious relationships.

7) I doubt that claim, but I've never had a boyfriend so I don't really know.

8) Most of the world, yes, but most of Britain? No. Most people in this country are quite tolerant of gay people. Though there are certainly more anti-gays than anti-lesbians. I quite enjoy this, though, and wish there were more - I find it quite fun a lot of the time. :tongue:

(Though if you're actually bullied or something, I can imagine that's not quite as fun)

I do agree, though, that we have to deal with the problems of both men and women in straight relationships.
On the other hand, I'd make a strong case for gay sex and its availability being far superior to straight sex (from the male point of view). I don't know if they cancel each other out, though.

Reply 3

Nvmthename

Without trying to cause offense I thought this thread was a joke because of the massive pun in the title

Reply 4

WGR

Not gay but I've heard others mentioning all those points as well, however if you were just in it for the sex then being gay would be great because men are far easier than women. Also you say obsession with looks is a bad thing but changing your looks is far easier than changing your personality. I could easily go to the gym and work out for a couple months but I'll always be a quiet, introverted person because that's who I am.

Reply 5

Ham22

There was a thread a while ago where a straight guy was complaining that he was jealous of gay people and the stereotypical 'gay lifestyle'- partying, easy sex etc.

Reply 6

Treeroy

Original post by Ham22

There was a thread a while ago where a straight guy was complaining that he was jealous of gay people and the stereotypical 'gay lifestyle'- partying, easy sex etc.

If you want casual sex, being gay is way better than being straight, but the OP is complaining about serious relationships :smile:

Reply 7

Mr Porter

Don't try to find serious relationships on grindr.

Reply 8

Alex Dom

I see what you did there with the title,,,,,

Reply 9

-Charlie-

Original post by Mr Porter

Don't try to find serious relationships on grindr.

I agree with this guy, I was on there for 3 days before realising I was never going to find anything but a hook up :frown:

However, despite going to the gym everyday and having an alright face, I have yet to meet prince charming ... or a slightly more realistic equivalent. I therefore wouldn't say that the body or face is a massive factor when compared to circumstance. I live in the countryside, I don't want a hook up, and I want someone fairly close to my age. Those three things have effectively minimised my chances of finding a suitable guy :rolleyes:

Reply 10

Zarek

Sorry to hear that it is like that and glad at least that prejudice is at last slowly being rolled back. Any advantages?

Reply 11

Tortious

Original post by Zarek

Sorry to hear that it is like that and glad at least that prejudice is at last slowly being rolled back. Any advantages?

It gives you a thicker skin. :p:

I've certainly found that I (have had to learn to) care less what other people think of me and have become much more confident as a result. :wink:

Reply 12

Cryl

Oh please. It's not like being straight is any fun. Bisexuality ftw. Get the best of both worlds.

Reply 13

Zarek

Original post by Tortious

It gives you a thicker skin. :p:

I've certainly found that I (have had to learn to) care less what other people think of me and have become much more confident as a result. :wink:

OK, but having to develop a thicker skin can barely be described as an advantage I feel..

Reply 14

Zarek

Original post by Cryl

Oh please. It's not like being straight is any fun. Bisexuality ftw. Get the best of both worlds.

Agree, heterosexuality is not plain sailing with the expectations, competition, rejections and misunderstandings. But somehow at the end of all this it is worth it..

Reply 15

Tortious

Original post by Zarek

OK, but having to develop a thicker skin can barely be described as an advantage I feel..

Well, it's a "positive" that's come out* of an otherwise difficult situation. Maintaining a positive mindset is important in circumstances which you can't change, otherwise you don't feel like doing anything (because "what's the point?").

*No pun intended.

Reply 16

username1221160

I have to agree with a lot of the points made by the OP.

Unless you live in a city with an active gay community, opportunities for meeting other men are really limited. You do have the likes of grindr and gaydar, but the men looking for friendships/potential relationships are far outnumbered by those just looking to hook up.

As for the point 7, the issue of being faithful .... in my experience, it is an age thing. A lot of gay lads will shag anything that moves and has a cock, but as you start to get older, an increasing proportion of gay men are looking for something more long term but they find it difficult to express that given how gay culture is.

Reply 17

hobbit_

Original post by Cryl

Oh please. It's not like being straight is any fun. Bisexuality ftw. Get the best of both worlds.

What? What's with bisexuality being any easier? Surely, if anything it's harder?

I was fairly naive when I began to think about dating, and thought that saying I was bisexual would be blah blah we've heard it all before. But not so. Some gay guys seem to be anxious about dating a bisexual guy, and want to know which sex they prefer; while some women don't understand that you remain capable of attraction to both sexes even if you are in a relationship with her.

The scripts are far more concrete for gay guys, and it's hardly surprising, because they have developed out of necessity: they even have their own language and private system of sign-signifiers. But men -- and especially men -- who don't fit into either straight or gay camps have a hard time figuring out just how the heck they are going to do this.

I am not convinced, however, that all men who like men only like and want sex. We're all different, of course, but I should think that sex could get very boring after a while.

I happen to like muscular men with chiseled faces; but I am not at all muscular myself; rather, I am tall and slim. But I don't think I have met any gay men that are hunks: those I have known all seem to be rather feminine and camp which is fine if you like that, but a bit disheartening if you don't. I think age must count for this, too. Men in their upper 20s and into their 30s are likely to be more mature than those in the 18-24 bracket, and I'd be cautious about dating a guy much younger than me for that reason.

As for the countryside thing, I guess it's true. Rural communities can be very conservative, but to be fair, gay people can be unduly hostile to the rural. Emphases on hooking up, on clubbing, on material gain -- all those things draw us to the cities; but for me at least, that isn't a sustainable lifestyle for long-term happiness. I grew up in the countryside and love it. I often feel overwhelmed in London when I stay, and feel constantly judged in the streets for my appearance and dress. In the countryside it's wonderful because I can just walk out of the house, cross the road and then I'm in fields and woods and lanes and I can wear what I like and no one cares. Of course, I know I have to go to the cities to start off in life, but I hope it needn't be terminal. I want more from life than those things offer, and I hope if I fall in love with a man, he will have a depth to him which transcends those transitory things I just listed.

I agree that some gay guys can be nasty, but this shouldn't really have anything to do with their sexuality. Being poisonous isn't a condition of being attracted to men.

I feel more than ever that one should try and understand the person we are dating or considering for a relationship. I think often we feel such pressure to impress, and I guess that can give a charged feeling to the early stages of romance, but it's not a long-term strategy for success in a relationship. I'm sure give and take is what is required. But we are so quick to judge and to dismiss and discard (to treat men like Kleenex, as Blair Waldorf would say :wink:

).

I'm sure the thing is to just be ourselves -- to be open and honest and sincere. But I guess it's easier said than done.

Reply 18

Collette94

Original post by Nvmthename

Without trying to cause offense I thought this thread was a joke because of the massive pun in the title

Anonymous

professional gays

professional gays

professional gays

Ahhahahahaaha :rofl:

More seriously, OP, you complain about most gay guys being hung up on you being muscular/chiseled whatever, but then say that the most attractive gay guys are hard to come by which makes finding a relationship difficult? You're criticising people for having the same kinds of standards you do.

Are you at uni? Many of my gay friends found long-lasting relationships through the LGBT society. If not, perhaps you could try online dating or something? Or an LGBT association/whatever if there's one in the area?

It's hard for girls to find long-term partners through clubbing/bars and stuff like that too, so if you don't have any gay male friends you like your best bet is branching out a bit.

Reply 19

username1042689

We need to get Miracle Day in here...

Feeling slightly bad that I'm bi now :redface:

I guess it does make things a lot easier...I wouldn't agree that gay men are rarely faithful, though, unless you purposely go for the partying/player type...and as for prejudice, I personally find that most people are very accepting. It's just a douchebag minority that ruins it.

But the Grindr/difficult to find gay people is absolutely true. Especially when you're under 18 and can't use apps like Grindr.