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Girl Friend is controlled by another guy?

My g/f has a guy mate for over a year now. When she fell sick and came out of hospital he was there for her. She developed feelings for him and when she went on holiday, the guy emailed her saying he had fallen for her and she realised she fell for him. When she got back from holiday he gave her the cold shoulder and they still spent time together but eventually it deteriated and she says she has no feelings left for him.
Through the exam period they kept in contact only by email nearly everyday and through phone.
For the past month and a half she has been dating me and she still meets this guy and he calls her every other day. He has know started to email her again.
I told her why do you talk to him so much, even like when he calls she has to drop my call to answer he’s call.
Anyway she said she has a special place for him in her heart because of what happened but she wouldn’t go out with him.
Hes a bit of a player and mayb shes scared that she will get played hence she just sticks with the close friendship, I dont know?

Yesterday night he contacted her about a dream she had about him few months back when she fell for him, where she dreamt they had a very passionate kiss. He wanted her to speak about it in detail and stuff and they he said to her u know you want me and stuff like that.
She ended up getting angry about it saying he thinks hes so irresistible but I dont want him.
After she calmed down I said to him hes an idiot but she ended up defending him telling me not to say that about him and that he means well its just hes phases.

How do I know im the one she wants, I mean shes with me but she still has this close 'friendship with this guy'?

Reply 1

PrinceOfCats

12

I don't know how to tell you this but you should dump your girlfriend. One month into a relationship is not time to have to put up with this kind of stuff, you should be madly in love or something at this point...

Reply 2

Achilles13

Number 1, sounds like this guy is a bit of a t***er. Feelings dont just go away, and a special place in her heart sounds a bit suspicious.
End it with her unless your 100% sure she is "the one".
You are completely justified in doing so in my opinion.

Reply 3

Amnesia

2

Dump her.

Reply 4

PhilMc

16

Amnesia

Dump her.

Yup.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

We discussed this topic further last night and she said she had a soft spot for him as he was there for her and shes feels indebted to him for all the help he gave her when needed.
He then asked her last night on msn to spend some time with him before she goes as he will miss her loads. Originally she agreed and then I told her exactly how I felt and she said maybe she wont go and I was still telling her how I felt about all this and she told me hes her best friend and cant just remove him.
So I told her do you want to be with him as if you do go ahead ill back off. She said no, I asked do you want to be with me and she went silent.
She then told me im acting all possessive over her.
I told her it aint about possesiveness, any guy who cared and was falling for hes g/f would be bothered about this type of situation.
She agreed that I was in a uneasy situation but assured me nothing could happen.

Reply 6

PrinceOfCats

12

Just remember that the longer you stay in a relationship, the more it will hurt if you break up...

Reply 7

pendragon

13

Time to move on.

Reply 8

nusaybah

Anonymous

She said no, I asked do you want to be with me and she went silent.
.

she was silent.... so that shud answer ur question!!

Reply 9

insparato

15

No offence but what a bitch. Stringing you along like that, she should have more sense to tell you where you stand. I'd ask her why did you go silent when i asked whether you wanted be with me, if shes not going to be truthful to you.

I feel sorry for you, honestly there are some good women out there.

Reply 10

Invisiblank

She may just be confused, it happens to everyone.

Reply 11

Leigh

15

Sounds like you need to get out of it now to me. The longer you stay in it, the harder it'll be.

Reply 12

toiletwall

It sounds like you've taken the right steps about this though -obviously it bothers you! It should do so to anyone, and telling her how you feel about this should have allowed her to give it a chance to place more attention on you. Have you tried to make her see it from your point of view? i.e. if you had a girl mate who you used to have a thing for? Personally, I think she hasn't even TRIED to make the effort to at least stop calling him for 5 minutes, and as she seems reluctant to, this situation will probably continue as it is, and if it bothers you know, it probably will, much more so, in 2 months etc.
Understandably this guy is important to her however and she cannot cut him out, but it is unfair that she is treating him with a higher regard than you, when she knows fully well it's not really acceptable. I think maybe you should try talking to her about it again, and say if she's not willing to try to calm it down abit with him, say you might need to rethink how the relationship will work out.
Good luck, I hope it does work out for you, but this may be wishful thinking.

Reply 13

john171

11

Dump her. No big loss.

Reply 14

kizer

15

End it now...

Reply 15

jovialtom

2

leave now and retain some dignity... it's the right thing to do, and although you'll feel like crap for a few days it will al be worth it

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

toiletwall

It sounds like you've taken the right steps about this though -obviously it bothers you! It should do so to anyone, and telling her how you feel about this should have allowed her to give it a chance to place more attention on you. Have you tried to make her see it from your point of view? i.e. if you had a girl mate who you used to have a thing for? Personally, I think she hasn't even TRIED to make the effort to at least stop calling him for 5 minutes, and as she seems reluctant to, this situation will probably continue as it is, and if it bothers you know, it probably will, much more so, in 2 months etc.
Understandably this guy is important to her however and she cannot cut him out, but it is unfair that she is treating him with a higher regard than you, when she knows fully well it's not really acceptable. I think maybe you should try talking to her about it again, and say if she's not willing to try to calm it down abit with him, say you might need to rethink how the relationship will work out.
Good luck, I hope it does work out for you, but this may be wishful thinking.

She doesnt call him often its him who calls her. Hes tried to be with her and stuff and hes met her twice last week in one day but then he tried to go cinema with her next week and according to her at first she said yes but when I said wat the hell u doing she canceled and now wants to go with me.
She asked me to go down to her place tommorow for a night or so and she did start being all nice and flirty.

I am planning to stay for more then 5 nights as her friends room is avaliable and she has things to do hence only the night or so. I havnt yet told her ill stay more as she will straight away say no but im hoping the more I stay the more I will learn and understand.

Reply 17

zain88

1

the girl hasn't even done anything!! she obviously understands and totally respects what you want because each time you have said something to her she has taken positive action to take your opinion into account. she also knows that although the guy likes her she doesn't like him and she has assured you nothing will happen. what more do you want? she can't just give up her friends for you. she can, however, tell him to back off a bit. she probably went silent because you were asking her to choose between a very special close friend and you. it's not exactly an easy choice.

Girl Friend is controlled by another guy?

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