is this normal?

im 16 but ive always had a thing for older men, lads my own age dont really appeal to me, ive liked older men ever since i was 6 or 7 believe it lol, ive always been attracted to them though nothings happened. i prefer them in their 30's, 40's. well would it be pervy if i started going out with one? just an assumption.
i cant explain it but its something that ive always gone for.

Reply 1

allmyshoes

1

it would be wrong if you were under 18, in my eyes. although 16 is the age of consent, and i completely agree with that (i'm assuming you're a girl? well, i lie. at first i thought you were a boy, but let us know..) but i feel that for an age gap that big, being an adult would make it a little less 'pervy'.

Reply 2

Glory

1

The guy would probabily get labelled a pedo. I think 15+ years age gap is a bit much for a 16 year old.

I supose i might think different if it was a girl/boy in their 20's because they have probabily dated people their own age first, before deciding older men/women are the way to go.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

if the 40 something man and the 16 year old girl, got along with each other, really liked each other and the man didnt do anything wrong cos shes over the age of consent, would you still class him as a peado?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

yeah im a girl

Reply 5

Glory

1

Anonymous

if the 40 something man and the 16 year old girl, got along with each other, really liked each other and the man didnt do anything wrong cos shes over the age of consent, would you still class him as a peado?

personally yes, he may not be one in the legal eye. But i serious think there is something wrong with a 40 year old going out with a barely legal girl. Hes old enough to be her dad and frankly i think its sick. Theres no way i could sleep with someone my dads/friends dad's age. Its just not natural.

Reply 6

Wonderboy Blue

1

I'd think:

"Fookin hell that old man must be real ugly that he has to go for a girl half his age.."

Also, its easy for young girls to be manipulated by people older than them or who they see as 'more powerful'.

Just as a little aside, my room mate fancied GEORGE BUSH solely because he had 'all that power'...

Little girls need to be careful. There are bad men out there. Try someone 17-18 or 20 at the most, they can be mature.

Use your common sense.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

i dont basically fancy every man in their 30's 40's just if i happen to find them good looking and they are my type then id fancy them..i just wish there wasnt anything wrong...i can see why you would think its sick..but i cant help the way i feel

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

would a man go out with a 16 yr old girl though, is it possible he will? though everyone would see it as sick.

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

Immature girls often think they are only attracted to older men. It probably passes or something...

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

so you think i must be immature if im attracted to older men?

Reply 11

minicoopa

1

I am 18 and I am in the process of thinking about a relationship with an 'older man' although he is 25. People still see this as a problem, and I even do to a certain extent. Despite the fact that I am an 'adult'. Then again, I think the amount most people mature within the two years from 16-18 is enough to make you be able to deal with relationships with 'older men'. I guess to me, 16 just seems so young for a 30/40 year old. Even I have reservations about 24+ guys, simply because I wonder about their intentions... Anyway that was my thought for the day...

Reply 12

Chumbaniya

17

Glory

personally yes, he may not be one in the legal eye. But i serious think there is something wrong with a 40 year old going out with a barely legal girl. Hes old enough to be her dad and frankly i think its sick. Theres no way i could sleep with someone my dads/friends dad's age. Its just not natural.

If we're talking "natural", it's actually pretty natural to have an older man and younger woman - naturally speaking, men prefer younger women because they are more attractive and fertile, and women prefer older men because they are able to provide for them better, and are more dependable.

Reply 13

allmyshoes

1

i wouldn't necessarily see that man as a paedophile, but i would definitely have doubts and reservations about the relationship.
like i said before, if one person in the relationship is over eighteen, it is always safer for the other to be over eighteen, too. obviously things rarely happen so perfectly, but that's my view.

16 to 40 is a very big age gap. i get highly weirded out by the idea that that guy was 24 when the 16 year old was born.

Reply 14

Anonymous #3

Anonymous

if the 40 something man and the 16 year old girl, got along with each other, really liked each other and the man didnt do anything wrong cos shes over the age of consent, would you still class him as a peado?

Yes. I can see that older men might be appealing to teenage girls, more mature, money, life experience, replacement father figure if they don't have a good relationship with their own dad etc. But I think that any 40 year old man who goes out with 16 year old is definately a bit odd. That or having a severe midlife crisis
I know one couple who are aged 17 and 49 now. They've been going out since her 16th birthday. The guy was married with kids, and conducted the whole thing as an affair for ages. From what I can tell, they're both a bit messed up. Both love the attention/drama, and like making life difficult for themselves. (Also, she had a bad relationship with her dad.) He's really not a nice guy, he tends to make a lot of suggestive comments to the rest of us if he comes out with us, and is very keen on dancing with us, buying everyone drinks, flashing cash around etc. Obviously this is just one case, but I'd still be suspcious of any guy who tried it on with a girl that much younger than him.

Reply 15

zain88

1

a 16 year old is looking for totally different things in a relationship than a 30/40 year old man. a 40 year old man and 40 year old woman's relationship compared to a two 16 year olds' relationship is miles apart. and i think it is this difference which makes it wrong for a 16 year old to have a relationship with a 40 year old.

a 30/40 year old man has gone past the stage where he is looking just to have fun and get to know lots of different types of people and a 16 year old is just starting to want to do this.
this is obviously a broad view of things. maybe not all 16 year olds want fun etc in relationships but i dont know of any such.

Reply 16

generalebriety

16

Anonymous

so you think i must be immature if im attracted to older men?

I think anonymous #2 meant immature as in... young and not yet fully emotionally developed, sexually/emotionally inexperienced, and so on.

I'd say there was nothing wrong with fancying those people. But going further than that is "wrong", no matter what I think or what anyone else thinks. Society deems it to be wrong, and therefore you have the option of disobeying unwritten rules or conforming to society. Nothing that the members of this forum say can change the fact that it's widely accepted to be wrong in some sense. In the end it's up to you whether you make a move or not. And yes, it's possible for much older guys to fancy younger girls. But then a lot of people would say they were all perverts. They're probably not 'all' perverts; I don't know what relative number of them would be perverted, no one does. And it would again be socially unacceptable for him to go out with you - for the more important reason that you would just be seen as a bit weird to go out with an older guy but he would be seen as a sick bastard.

Do what you like, but whatever you do, there will be complications; such is life. Sorry. :smile:

Reply 17

djmm

15

Glory

personally yes, he may not be one in the legal eye. But i serious think there is something wrong with a 40 year old going out with a barely legal girl. Hes old enough to be her dad and frankly i think its sick. Theres no way i could sleep with someone my dads/friends dad's age. Its just not natural.

Agreed whole-heartedly. Thank God for someone out there who doesn't fall for that ''but we love each other'' horse ****. I did shag my neighbour mind you and she's 35 or so now? Great BJ she was.

Reply 18

saoirse

10

Hmmm. Its a tough one, i sorta know how you feel, im attracted to older men. When i was younger (under 18) tho i was also attracted to guys my age or thereabouts, and really only viewed my fancying of older guys as a harmless crush, because i knew there was Absolutely No Way anything could have happened (and i didnt really want anything to because i wasnt ready for an adult relationship)- i wasnt mature enough, they would be uncomfortable etc. I think you should wait a bit, because, in most cases, if your not ready for a proper grownup relationship with bells on, and hes just as keen for you two to hook up, hes either just in it for sex OR content to have a teenybopper relationship which makes him a bit odd/ emotionally immature...

Reply 19

passthesaltplease

5

I agree, I've been out with guys of various age gaps, and as you get older (I'm 25 now) it is much easier to go out with older guys because through work etc. you have much more in common. When I was your age I had a 2 year long relationship with someone who was 25 (10 year gap), and although I think it made me mature very quickly emotionally, it also really messed me up because I couldn't understand the issues that my boyfried was dealing with, and he didn't make much allowance for the fact that I had zero emotional complexity. I think it took me about 5-8 years to fully get over that relationship. I have subsequently been out with guys of my own age, a little older and a lot older and I think that things aren't as clear cut in these sorts of situations as some people make out. Btw, I completely disagree with the immature comment (I think rather the opposite).

In your case, I think the age gap will be too huge for the relationship to really work and I would definitely say do not get involved with sleeping with this man, because it might be all too much for you to deal with and then it will not be as easy to stop what you started as it is to start in the first place.

is this normal?

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