Heartbreak

Yes you do deserve at least to have that talk. Get your exams over with first. Focus on them to the exclusion of all else. Then go after her.

She has work to do to. She's not with him every second. A week wont make that much difference. Just hang in there and then do your best to see her. Its the least she could do for you to talk it over with you.

Ok, I have a long distance relationship, that has lasted around 2 years.

Recently my girlfriend has been talking to me less and less.

I found it hard to get hold of her, but when I did I asked what's wrong, and after a bit of prompting she admitted she didn't want to be with me because she was getting closer to her friends at university and basically having a life without me. She also said she likes somebody else and thinks the feelings mutual.

My problem basically is that I still love her, and think we've lasted this long, and it's only because I'm not with her enough in person that this has happened. We haven't been together since easter because I have exams, but those are over in a week and then I was going to spend my whole summer with her. I feel like we've fallen down on the last hurdle.

I'm taking it quite badly, just feel really upset, had 2 hours sleep and couldn't get anymore, can't eat, been sick a few times. Just the thought of her being with somebody else makes me feel really ill, because I still feel it should be just us together.


I've been trying to get her back, maybe change her mind and ask her to wait for me one more week so I can see her in person. Anytime I call her phone is off, and when it isn't it's a bad time and she soon hangs up on me. I don't know what to do, and I keep finding myself ringing her because I just want this talk, which after about 22 months I thought I deserved, but she isn't having it. I think she wants me to be complety behind her and out of the way.

But I can't handle that.

I know I should give her space maybe, but I can't help wanting to phone her for this talk, I'm feeling so empty and time is going so slow - what can I do until she wants to talk? Should I even be trying to change her mind? I just need some nice words really.

I am sorry. It hurts I know, I broke up with my ex over the phone 2 months ago, my situation was similar (we spent 2 years at uni together and had been doing the long distance thing for a couple of months), I have called her, sent her long emails about how much I love her. She stopped replying, and I had to force myself to stop calling. We have had no contact for 3 weeks, and I still get very sad at weekends the times I used to call her. She also became cold and I became more needy and upset.

It is very tough and painful, but there is only one thing you can do, realise that she has been a bitch to you, focus on yourself and try to do well in your exams and move on yourself. It will take a long time to stop thinking about her, I am not there yet with my ex, but you just have to go through it unfortunately, there is no other way around the problem. You really shouldn’t want her back after the way she has treated you, she could do the same again. You have to realise you are better off without her. That is the first step, but even once you know in your brain that the break-up was a good thing, you still have to fight the pain. Your heart does not listen to your brain unfortunately, but you have to focus your attention on doing well in your exams and getting on with your life, then some other girl will come along when you least expect it and by then you will have forgotten how upset you were.

Good luck, nothing would be better for you than to focus on your exams and do well, and after that focus on yourself - go to the gym or something - once you are having fun and yourself again other girls will be flocking around you. And the ultimate answer to this girl who has toyed with your heart is to go on and be successful, then one day if you meet her with a more beautiful younger girl on your arm and yourself brimming with success she will really regret how stupid she was not to wait for that summer she could have had with you.

Be strong, it is bull that guys do not have as strong emotions as girls do, we feel just as much pain and we have less outlets for it. I find music helps though. So listen to some good music, feel sad, realise that you are better off without a girl who would be so cruel with your heart, then focus on those exams and do the best you can. Good luck friend.

It sounds like you've had a really similar experience then, I hope it carries on getting better for you and eventually goes away. I guess we know exactly how the other feels, I feel like I want a month to be gone and to just feel like I would then.

In fact I have sent her the long e-mail, saying how much I love her. So we basically are the same. I'm hoping so much that despite being hard done by here she'll get back with me, and I'd forgive her and try to do anything I did wrong better this time. Maybe I'd get over her with time, definitely even, but right now all I want is to be with her again and not have these thoughts of her with somebody else in my head anymore.

I know from my point of view she has been harsh, and my point of view is all you can read. I wouldn't say she's being a bitch to me. Well maybe she is but I don't want to admit it because I love her. I understand how distance can be hard, but just one more week, and it wouldn't have been an issue anymore. I'll be on a gapyear too and I was going to spend that with her, and then I chose a uni close to her, and was going to be with her regularly then too. We were so close to lasting, and I just wish I could let her know all of this.

I suppose if the first step is admitting you're better off without them I'm not there yet. Music just makes me think of her, everything does. We were so close and had so many little personal things, and everything triggers off a memory of us. I'm certainly not thinking about or wanting anybody else, and for the 2 years we were together I felt guilty to get as much as a hug/give a compliment to other girls. Then she breaks up with me over a guy. It's just horrible.

I'm watching some cricket now which ought to cheer me up, as long as we win.

Well I finally called again, after waiting a few hours, to her landline (mobiles always off.)

Aparently she has gone out with this new guy. I feel so shattered thinking about them going out like this, leaving me completly heartbroken, and I haven't done anything wrong!

I'm starting to think I might not even want her back, she might not deserve me. But she's always been such a good person until now.

She wouldn't see me with a new girl since even when she isn't at uni she's far away. It'll be hard to even stay with her as a friend to be honest, what exactly would we talk about? I'm so used to talking to her as a girlfriend...

At least I slept a bit better this time 8 hours instead of 2, feeling slightly better today.

To whoever said it I think it is more than distance, it's this other guy.

Basically in her first year she was upset at uni, and I helped her through it, then her second year was ok but not great and we were together. As soon as her exams finish and shes going out and flirting with other guys she doesn't need me and dumps me. Shes used me and cheated on me, and I can't believe it because I loved her so much.

I'm going to stop calling now, this is past the point of no return anyway, she replied to my e-mail saying things like "we both need to live our own lives, try new things" - she's being selfish. SHE wants this, not me, and she's acting like I want it to make herself feel better.

I just like to rant about this in here now, get some of it out.

This is a posative development, she has been a bitch to you and you are know starting to recognise that. You are justified in feeling angry and feeling angry is a lot easier and more empowering than feeling sad. You can bitch about her all you want, it is healthy and we are here to listen.

Hey, it feels really rubbish at the moment - I know. But honestly, this feeling will pass and you'll be able to think about other things and have normal relationships sooner than you probably imagine right now.

I wouldn't contact her constantly. If she doesn't want to talk, she doesn't want to talk and if you keep trying then she'll just get angry and frustrated with you. To use an analogy, ringing her the whole time is like struggling in a quicksand - it won't achieve anything and will probably make things worse.

You're not going to feel ok about this for a while so you should try to spend time with your friends, focus on your work and basically do anything you can to distract yourself. If you're about to phone her just put the phone down and wait 5 minutes and then think about whether or not it's really worth doing.

I'm sorry you're in this position. I've been there too and it makes you feel really sick. But honestly, give it some time and you will feel better. Just don't go running around after her - it really won't have anything like the effect you want it to have.

Good luck!

I had a really similar experience where my girlfriend and I were going out for almost three and a half years, I was starting my second year and my girlfriend was just starting uni. One week in she said she "wasn't sure she wanted to be in a relationship" and she started to fancy this other guy. At first I kept trying to talk to her about it but it just drove her away and she got so frustrated, and I got so needy. Eventually I realised what a selfish b***h she had been and that anger made me realise that she didn't deserve me. I realised too that we had only drifted apart because things before she had gone to uni hadn't been great.

If you guys have drifted apart, it's for a reason. You'll come to realise that she's not the right person for you and you'll meet someone else soon enough. I'm happy for the times I had with my ex, but it was definitely the right time to break up. Being single I've got been more interested in getting to know new people and have made some great new friends this year that I probably wouldn't have got to know otherwise. Don't see this as the end of a relationship, but an opportunity to reflect on your life and what you want to do. Become confident in yourself as a single person; people are really attracted to that. Best of luck with the future, enjoy yourself!

ugh she sounds like such a bitch.

(just read the post above what i posted)

hah well now this new guy can suffer her when she does the same thing to him

x