This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

Living with a partner ~ Before or After Marriage?

Assuming you don't already live in the same dorms or apartments already. Would you consider moving into your partners house beforehand or would it be moving into a new house together after you have gotten married?

What are the pros and cons of living together beforehands and afterwards?

Reply 1

zain88

1

i'd let him move into my apartment if we were very serious about each and were probably going to get married.

i'd not move into his apartment because my territory is important to me and i'd feel much more secure knowing if things ended i'd be able to chuck him out MY house instead of the other way around lol.

i would definitely want to have lived with my partner before getting married so that any differences and hurdles in living together could be overcome beforehand and you wouldn't get any surprises or adjust to a new way of living when time did come to be married.

can't think of any cons. if it wasn't a very serious relationship then con would be being in each other's face all the time.

oh yeah i'd want to get a joint property after being married.

Reply 2

generalebriety

16

Sanity Panda

Assuming you don't already live in the same dorms or apartments already. Would you consider moving into your partners house beforehand or would it be moving into a new house together after you have gotten married?

What are the pros and cons of living together beforehands and afterwards?

I would consider moving in or offering for my partner to move in before "marriage" (or as close as you can get, me being gay). I don't really believe in marriage anyway since it's a fairly religion-based concept.

Pro: you're with each other all the time.
Con: you're with each other all the time.

Simple as that. If your relationship is worth it and it's possible to move in together then go for it. Same with marriage. That all depends on religion, personal morals, culture and tradition... but agree on something and then do it.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

lived with him for a week.
interesting experience.
long enough to know i'll be able to put up with him after we marry.
i don't think living together on a permanent basis is a good idea before marriage; especially if you've already had sex. after all, there needs to be something to sanctify marriage.

Reply 4

generalebriety

16

There doesn't "need" to be at all - marriage is just a legal bond between people. If you're religious, fine; if not, it's just a way of conning money out of you to make everything official. No matter how much you proclaim among the streets that you want ___ to be your everlasting partner, he/she won't be unless you get married (or "civilly partnered" - pff at that name anyway :smile:

). And to do that you have to pay money. It's all a tradition thing. Most people like weddings they can remember, which is understandable. But take the church and flowers and hundreds of guests and limousine and dress and so on away - in effect, take away the scenery - and all you're doing is paying money for a certificate. Not that I have anything against anyone who likes the scenery. I just think it's a bit ridiculous. Moreover, why get married if you haven't lived together or had sex? You might - shock horror - not like it once you're married and do whatever activity it is you've been 'saving up' for the first time. Then you're ****ed - more money on the official ripping up of the certificate. :smile:

I should start up a thread in debate and discussion over this, this isn't really the right forum for this. :smile:

Reply 5

xoxo_GossipGirl

11

I could never marry someone if I haven't lived with them for a while!! I mean how do you know marriage is going to work out if you don't spend lots of time together

Reply 6

Talya

16

I'd definitely like to be able to live with my boyfriend for a while before we marry. We might share a place in the second year onf uni, so that should be good experience :smile:

It would be disastrous to get married and then find you hated living with them!

Reply 7

silverbolt

19

i did it once and never again you lose sense of personal space. You wake up they are there when you come from work when you go to bed.
its horribel

Reply 8

dita_parlo

11

I live with my boyfriend, and have done for about 2 years now. He was living on his own at the time, and I was still at my parents. It would have been easier to just move into his flat, but I didn't like the area he was living in, so we got out own house together. We are getting married next year, but honestly, I would NEVER have agreed to marry him if we hadn't already experienced living together. Until you actually live with somebody, you have no idea how compatible you are. I'm talking about the small things, like cooking cleaning, responsibility with money etc... It was hard at first, because both of us had to compromise a lot, but definitely worth it, as now I feel more confident that we can make a marriage work.

Reply 9

tritogeneia1

1

For some reason you're more likely to get divorced if you 'cohabit' before marriage (can't remember what the figure is though, but am sure I've seen this). I'd imagine this means longterm though, as people have said it's probably a good idea to live with someone for a bit before marriage so you know you can put up with it! I think the stat refers to people who've been living together as though they were married and then actually got married for whatever reason.

Reply 10

Sanity Panda

OP

Tritogenia, I've also heard of that idea before... Higher divorce rates if you lived together before marriage. I don't understand the reasoning behind that though. Prehaps its friends thinking they are into each other?

Reply 11

frost105

14

I think its definatly a good idea to try and manage a household with someone efore you get married. There are so many niggly little things about people that you should find out whether these are things you can live with.

Reply 12

u_cheeky_girl

it doesn't bother me if i lived with someone before or after marriage, but i would never move in with a partner if they haven't lived on there own/with flatmates, i think its important for people to look after themself and learn respect for other people before living as a couple,

Reply 13

shinyhappy

14

Sanity Panda

Tritogenia, I've also heard of that idea before... Higher divorce rates if you lived together before marriage. I don't understand the reasoning behind that though. Prehaps its friends thinking they are into each other?

My guess would be that for a lot of people who do not cohabit before marriage, it will be because they are strongly religious. Therefore, once they are married, they may regard it as more 'sacred' than non-religious people who get married more to confirm their love etc. I don't have any statistics to back this up, but I'm guessing that divorce rates are a lot lower in relgious communities than for atheists/agnostics.

Reply 14

jointhedots

16

Anonymous

lived with him for a week.
interesting experience.
long enough to know i'll be able to put up with him after we marry.
i don't think living together on a permanent basis is a good idea before marriage; especially if you've already had sex. after all, there needs to be something to sanctify marriage.

Living with someone for a week is SO different to living with someone permanently/long-term. There's so many more things you have to worry about.

It's very different as well if you know that you have your own house that you can go back to after the week is up.

Reply 15

pendragon

13

Sanity Panda

Assuming you don't already live in the same dorms or apartments already. Would you consider moving into your partners house beforehand or would it be moving into a new house together after you have gotten married?

What are the pros and cons of living together beforehands and afterwards?

Personally I think that it is really dumb to marry someone before you have tried living with them; you see a very different side of a person when you live together. You could find out that you really do not get on living together. I think you should make your engagement as much like married life as possible so you can be sure you have picked the right person. Its all very well to say that you love them, but a lot of people love each other and end up getting divorced. Love alone is not enough - you have to be compatible in so many ways and you should make sure of as many of those before you get married as possible. To do otherwise is both naive and foolish.

Reply 16

Girlie

1

Before. You may not get on with them in a living together situation, would you really want to discover this after marriage?

The pro's and con's will be the same for both. I just think it's something you need to experience beforehand. :smile:

Reply 17

PrinceOfCats

12

Before marriage of course. Try before you buy...

Reply 18

black_mamba

14

I've heard that people who have lived together as a couple for four/fives years are somewhat legally considered as married anyway, is this true or am I silly? :smile:

Reply 19

PrinceOfCats

12

black_mamba

I've heard that people who have lived together as a couple for four/fives years are somewhat legally considered as married anyway, is this true or am I silly? :smile:

Common Law Marriage. It's bound to be on wikipedia.

Living with a partner ~ Before or After Marriage?

Related discussions

Articles for you