sleeping around

Sorry about this I just feel so low right now. The last few months have been really horrible for me. I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years about 3 months ago and I was really upset about that, and a week after my mum died. I was so close to her I was devastated and I still havent got over it.

I've always been a quiet, moral person and I'd only ever slept with my longterm boyfriend but since all this happened I seem to be acting so out of character and I cant seem to stop myself. I'll go out at clubs and get drunk and end up sleeping with either male friends or men I hardly know. I always feel used and cheap afterwards but I still go and do it again and I dont know why I do it. I am 18 and I now live in a flat with a few friends, but most of the time I'm alone because they are out working. It just makes it easier to bring people back after clubbing or whatever. I used to live with my mum before she died and I still really miss her. I miss my ex too as he was a very stable influence. We had mutual friends and I hardly ever see most of them now either.

Last night I slept with a friend I've known for about 4 years after a drunken night out and I really regret it. I know he has no emotional attachment with me - hes very much a 'friends with benefits' person and although hes always been flirty, I've never been sexually attracted to him. I just feel disgusted with myself for acting this way. Does anyone have any advice, or have you ever been in a similar situation?
Please dont judge me on this, I just want help :frown:

Reply 1

Strictly Business

14

Its a by-product of depression, I think. Take a weekend off with your flate-mates, go to Blackpool or somewhere similar and just relax and have fun. Stop going out regularly, too.

Reply 2

Glory

1

Id probabily go see a grief councillor or just a regular councillor. It seems the 2 events you mentioned are the main reason for this behavour. Other than that try and find something else to do other than going out. Try and remove yourself from places where your likely to be put in the sitution of being used for sex.

Reply 3

BexySD

I hate the way that when I do things like you have done, that are out of character and I regret them I end up hating myself for it, but in all honesty these things happen. I know so many of my friends have done stuff like this and if you worry about what other people think u'll just end up feeling worse. You just need to forgive yourself for the mistakes you made, it sounds like you had big issues to deal with, but draw a line under it and move on. I hate the saying that ure body is ure temple but seriously its kinda true!!!
i hope this helps and hope u feel better

Reply 4

*Claire*

1

Do you have anyone you could talk to about it? Like a close female friend who could maybe make your life a bit more difficult to bring guys back so you thought it thru more carefully? Or maybe try not to drink much. Don't take all the blame on yourself tho! When its your friends they are just as capable of saying no! Ultimately it is the root cause of this that you are going to have to deal with. I'm guessing you might feel quite alone having lost 2 people you loved. Maybe counselling would help or talking to a close friend/relative. It will take time but hopefully gradually you will feel better and then won't want to bring back guys all the time.

Reply 5

sparkly_tiara

2

Im really sorry to hear of your loss- you are obviously going through a real tough time of it currently and are trying to find some even ground/ coping mechanisms. I'm not sure, but im guessing you are drinking excessively to try and forget whats been going on and has happened, and then because you are feeling so low (and of course, drunk) you dont care about yourself and allow yourself to do things that are out of character? Do you sleep with these guys as a way of allowing yourself to feel wanted (as a result of your relationship break up)?
I really thing some bereavment counselling would do you the world of good. You are going through some real crap here, and i know just how bad you feel, i honestly do- but counselling has brought me round the otherside. If you ever want to talk, no matter what about, then just send me a PM.

And sweetie, if you don't want to address this issue yet (which i can understand might be the case, if you don't feel it is the right time now) please take sensible precautions to prevent an unwanted pregnancy or STI's.

Take care,

Lou
xxx

Reply 6

SamTheMan

17

Anonymous

Please dont judge me on this, I just want help :frown:

No point of us judging. You did it yourself in your post. At least you have the will to change your ways. You're really not the first girl I know who behaves like this. One of my best friends had awful family problems and the best way she found to deal with it was to sleep with guys and unfortunately, one time she fell madly in love (or infatuation, whichever way you look at it) with one guy who I happened to know very well.

I had to put up with my friend telling me how great this guy was while I'd hear him make fun of her at school and tell everyone what a fat an easy... she was.

Most people need a very nasty wake-up call to change their ways. At least you're getting there. Don't get yourself too down. Just accept the mistakes and tell yourself you don't want anything like that to happen again. Just try to talk to the guys you meet and get to know them first. Sex might seem like an easy way to get affection but you're never going to know if the guy actually cares and you won't get the emotional affection you're looking for.

sleeping around

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