Life in London is so lonely
This city irks me. It's great in some aspects but it's such a lonely life here. There's just so many factors working against a normal social life with friends you would like to have, as opposed to people you're forced to hang out with. I'll explain.
Like in most places ... school/university are the places to make your friends and set your stall out early. You miss that, and it gets alot lot harder.
On paper it's easy to make friends, 'join a club' 'do volunteering' etc. But it doesn't always work like that in London. You could join a club where people come from the top of north london to the very bottom of south of London. It doesn't provide you with a genuine chance to make REGULAR friends. I've lived here for about 9 years now and I still feel extremely lonely. Unfortunately for me I went to a school that doesn't even exist anymore, it was that bad. If I remember correctly it was in the bottom 40 schools in the country. The schoolkids were awful, seriously awful. It was similar with my college, for various reasons (including being ill) I ended up at a drop out college full of idiots.
So sociable as I am, and likeable as I am - despite knowing and having met lots of people, I still feel so lonely in this city. I go out with some people, my workmates have been a good laugh. But nothing has ever transferred into regular mates. Well I have a few but they aren't regular regular mates. People I can just ring up and arrange to roll up to their place in 5 minutes. London is so vast and so busy, people just don't always have the time or peace of mind to travel halfway across London to meet for a coffee and a chat. It's not that people don't want to be friendly, it's just more convenient to socialise differently, because they are so busy and occupied.
When it comes to girls, it's not much better. Some of the girls I go out with and have either dated or got their number, are girls who I have very little in common with and sometimes can hardly speak any English. It's hard to meet English people here! English people here are either carrying 2 prams in their nike tracksuit or swooshing down champagne in the West End. You just don't see and get to meet regular English people working in your local Starbucks for example. So many jobs are occupied by foreigners who are battling just to make enough money to work, and then go home to their one bedroom flat and pay their bills. I don't know who I am as an English man anymore here. I mean it's great to meet people from other countries, but it definitely has its disadvantages as well. Slowly, english people are deserting many parts of London and migrating elsewhere.
It's harder being a guy as well. When you are down, you just don't pick up the phone and ring one of your guy mates for a moan and a cry. It's weak and just not something guys do.
I would truly applaud and give a standing ovation to anybody who came to London post school/Uni phase and made a group of regular friends and found themselves feeling completely at home here. It's not impossible, but my god it is one hell of a challenge if you haven't had a stable set up in terms of home, education etc
Any other people with a similar feeling in London?
Like in most places ... school/university are the places to make your friends and set your stall out early. You miss that, and it gets alot lot harder.
On paper it's easy to make friends, 'join a club' 'do volunteering' etc. But it doesn't always work like that in London. You could join a club where people come from the top of north london to the very bottom of south of London. It doesn't provide you with a genuine chance to make REGULAR friends. I've lived here for about 9 years now and I still feel extremely lonely. Unfortunately for me I went to a school that doesn't even exist anymore, it was that bad. If I remember correctly it was in the bottom 40 schools in the country. The schoolkids were awful, seriously awful. It was similar with my college, for various reasons (including being ill) I ended up at a drop out college full of idiots.
So sociable as I am, and likeable as I am - despite knowing and having met lots of people, I still feel so lonely in this city. I go out with some people, my workmates have been a good laugh. But nothing has ever transferred into regular mates. Well I have a few but they aren't regular regular mates. People I can just ring up and arrange to roll up to their place in 5 minutes. London is so vast and so busy, people just don't always have the time or peace of mind to travel halfway across London to meet for a coffee and a chat. It's not that people don't want to be friendly, it's just more convenient to socialise differently, because they are so busy and occupied.
When it comes to girls, it's not much better. Some of the girls I go out with and have either dated or got their number, are girls who I have very little in common with and sometimes can hardly speak any English. It's hard to meet English people here! English people here are either carrying 2 prams in their nike tracksuit or swooshing down champagne in the West End. You just don't see and get to meet regular English people working in your local Starbucks for example. So many jobs are occupied by foreigners who are battling just to make enough money to work, and then go home to their one bedroom flat and pay their bills. I don't know who I am as an English man anymore here. I mean it's great to meet people from other countries, but it definitely has its disadvantages as well. Slowly, english people are deserting many parts of London and migrating elsewhere.
It's harder being a guy as well. When you are down, you just don't pick up the phone and ring one of your guy mates for a moan and a cry. It's weak and just not something guys do.
I would truly applaud and give a standing ovation to anybody who came to London post school/Uni phase and made a group of regular friends and found themselves feeling completely at home here. It's not impossible, but my god it is one hell of a challenge if you haven't had a stable set up in terms of home, education etc
Any other people with a similar feeling in London?
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by mylifeisover999
It's hard to meet English people here!
Where are you for you to find it hard? All I see in many parts are English people, it isn't hard.
Go to bars and find a local pub to meet people, meeting people while drunk is fun
I know, isn't it great?
I am a Londoner too and would agree with your sentients completely. You have already described (and very eloquently too) how the generic "join a club" or "volunteer" advice simply isn't a conducive and successful way of meeting new people and finding friends. You have to stand back and consider the statistics for a few moments to understand the problem, London is the largest city in Europe and not too far down the world rankings either.
Smaller provincial towns across the UK have close-knit communities, churches and interest groups which create a sense of community. People congregate around fewer pubs and participate in community events giving everyone a fair chance to meet one another and form solid friendships. I was born in London and attended university here, but I can imagine arriving in the city without a 'ready made' social life (as is offered by university's for example) would be difficult.
Out of interest what do you work as? Many people do meet friends at their workplaces, even if these relationships don't extend much further than the bar of a pub. There are other ways to make friends and get out. I play in an amateur orchestra which meets once a week and finishes the evening in a nearby pub, whilst there are various other art and drama classes which do provide welcoming, friendly and sociable environments.
Smaller provincial towns across the UK have close-knit communities, churches and interest groups which create a sense of community. People congregate around fewer pubs and participate in community events giving everyone a fair chance to meet one another and form solid friendships. I was born in London and attended university here, but I can imagine arriving in the city without a 'ready made' social life (as is offered by university's for example) would be difficult.
Out of interest what do you work as? Many people do meet friends at their workplaces, even if these relationships don't extend much further than the bar of a pub. There are other ways to make friends and get out. I play in an amateur orchestra which meets once a week and finishes the evening in a nearby pub, whilst there are various other art and drama classes which do provide welcoming, friendly and sociable environments.
Well no, it isn't usually the place where you can just phone and drop by in minutes. If I want to see friends, I usually have to travel by tube for about an hour, but I haven't really known any different so it's fine for me
I am a member of a fairly local martial arts gym and the people there are amazingly social with each other. It's a lovely place to go, and they all support each other's fights and birthdays...there's always something going on. Perhaps look into taking up a martial art too
I am a member of a fairly local martial arts gym and the people there are amazingly social with each other. It's a lovely place to go, and they all support each other's fights and birthdays...there's always something going on. Perhaps look into taking up a martial art too
To be fair is it any different in smaller cities? I suppose I'm very lucky as I'm from London myself and have friends from school here, as well as friends I met at uni in Birmingham who happened to be from London, but if I were to move out to Bristol for example, wouldn't it be the same situation? I agree it's much harder to meet new people and make true friends from work than at school or university, especially if it's a small team who you're constantly working with, but unless you move to a village where you literally see the same people every time you leave your front door, I don't think there'd be much difference between London or smaller cities. Even then, village people supposedly resent Londoners for moving out there and buying property so even that's not really a solution 
Original post by Lyman
I am a Londoner too and would agree with your sentients completely. You have already described (and very eloquently too) how the generic "join a club" or "volunteer" advice simply isn't a conducive and successful way of meeting new people and finding friends. You have to stand back and consider the statistics for a few moments to understand the problem, London is the largest city in Europe and not too far down the world rankings either.
Smaller provincial towns across the UK have close-knit communities, churches and interest groups which create a sense of community. People congregate around fewer pubs and participate in community events giving everyone a fair chance to meet one another and form solid friendships. I was born in London and attended university here, but I can imagine arriving in the city without a 'ready made' social life (as is offered by university's for example) would be difficult.
Out of interest what do you work as? Many people do meet friends at their workplaces, even if these relationships don't extend much further than the bar of a pub. There are other ways to make friends and get out. I play in an amateur orchestra which meets once a week and finishes the evening in a nearby pub, whilst there are various other art and drama classes which do provide welcoming, friendly and sociable environments.
Smaller provincial towns across the UK have close-knit communities, churches and interest groups which create a sense of community. People congregate around fewer pubs and participate in community events giving everyone a fair chance to meet one another and form solid friendships. I was born in London and attended university here, but I can imagine arriving in the city without a 'ready made' social life (as is offered by university's for example) would be difficult.
Out of interest what do you work as? Many people do meet friends at their workplaces, even if these relationships don't extend much further than the bar of a pub. There are other ways to make friends and get out. I play in an amateur orchestra which meets once a week and finishes the evening in a nearby pub, whilst there are various other art and drama classes which do provide welcoming, friendly and sociable environments.
Refreshing to see I'm not alone. I work in a retail type job, although I would rather not specify what. It's actually been good socially, it really has. I've met a number of decent people and have some mates from there. But that can only go so much as you've kind of alluded to.
It's very hard to know how to branch out further tbh. It's really weird but as you say clubs and so forth are no guarantee of anything. You have to be really lucky to find a place where it can enhance your social life in a more substantiated way.
Original post by tehFrance
Where are you for you to find it hard? All I see in many parts are English people, it isn't hard.
Go to bars and find a local pub to meet people, meeting people while drunk is fun
Go to bars and find a local pub to meet people, meeting people while drunk is fun
Can you expand on that further? I live in South London.
Where do you 'see' these people out of interest? Walking along Oxford street perhaps?!
As I pointed out in my first post, most retail jobs are now taken up by non-english people. Regular British people who are not either really poor or rich are nowhere to be found, in any consistent way. The sort of guys you would meet outside of London (I would know as I've lived outside London) are just not to be found in London. The crowd of people who are balanced. In London it's either city slickers or jeremy kyle contestants.
Ye I can go out and drink and have a laugh and meet people. But do you go University or something? Oor have ready made friends from school? In that case it's alot easier.
Original post by cactussed
To be fair is it any different in smaller cities? I suppose I'm very lucky as I'm from London myself and have friends from school here, as well as friends I met at uni in Birmingham who happened to be from London, but if I were to move out to Bristol for example, wouldn't it be the same situation? I agree it's much harder to meet new people and make true friends from work than at school or university, especially if it's a small team who you're constantly working with, but unless you move to a village where you literally see the same people every time you leave your front door, I don't think there'd be much difference between London or smaller cities. Even then, village people supposedly resent Londoners for moving out there and buying property so even that's not really a solution
There is definitely a slight difference. I've lived outside of London. People are much friendlier, everything is within reach. People you meet live 10 minutes away. You get to know your neighbours. It's alltogether different. And because of the closeness of everything, the factors make it easier to create social ties with people. As the earlier poster put it -
'Smaller provincial towns across the UK have close-knit communities, churches and interest groups which create a sense of community. People congregate around fewer pubs and participate in community events giving everyone a fair chance to meet one another and form solid friendships. I was born in London and attended university here, but I can imagine arriving in the city without a 'ready made' social life (as is offered by university's for example) would be difficult.'
I can't really add a great deal more to that. You're right it would still be a challenge, but it's absolutely more difficult doing it in London.
Original post by mylifeisover999
This city irks me. It's great in some aspects but it's such a lonely life here. There's just so many factors working against a normal social life with friends you would like to have, as opposed to people you're forced to hang out with. I'll explain.
Like in most places ... school/university are the places to make your friends and set your stall out early. You miss that, and it gets alot lot harder.
On paper it's easy to make friends, 'join a club' 'do volunteering' etc. But it doesn't always work like that in London. You could join a club where people come from the top of north london to the very bottom of south of London. It doesn't provide you with a genuine chance to make REGULAR friends. I've lived here for about 9 years now and I still feel extremely lonely. Unfortunately for me I went to a school that doesn't even exist anymore, it was that bad. If I remember correctly it was in the bottom 40 schools in the country. The schoolkids were awful, seriously awful. It was similar with my college, for various reasons (including being ill) I ended up at a drop out college full of idiots.
So sociable as I am, and likeable as I am - despite knowing and having met lots of people, I still feel so lonely in this city. I go out with some people, my workmates have been a good laugh. But nothing has ever transferred into regular mates. Well I have a few but they aren't regular regular mates. People I can just ring up and arrange to roll up to their place in 5 minutes. London is so vast and so busy, people just don't always have the time or peace of mind to travel halfway across London to meet for a coffee and a chat. It's not that people don't want to be friendly, it's just more convenient to socialise differently, because they are so busy and occupied.
When it comes to girls, it's not much better. Some of the girls I go out with and have either dated or got their number, are girls who I have very little in common with and sometimes can hardly speak any English. It's hard to meet English people here! English people here are either carrying 2 prams in their nike tracksuit or swooshing down champagne in the West End. You just don't see and get to meet regular English people working in your local Starbucks for example. So many jobs are occupied by foreigners who are battling just to make enough money to work, and then go home to their one bedroom flat and pay their bills. I don't know who I am as an English man anymore here. I mean it's great to meet people from other countries, but it definitely has its disadvantages as well. Slowly, english people are deserting many parts of London and migrating elsewhere.
It's harder being a guy as well. When you are down, you just don't pick up the phone and ring one of your guy mates for a moan and a cry. It's weak and just not something guys do.
I would truly applaud and give a standing ovation to anybody who came to London post school/Uni phase and made a group of regular friends and found themselves feeling completely at home here. It's not impossible, but my god it is one hell of a challenge if you haven't had a stable set up in terms of home, education etc
Any other people with a similar feeling in London?
Like in most places ... school/university are the places to make your friends and set your stall out early. You miss that, and it gets alot lot harder.
On paper it's easy to make friends, 'join a club' 'do volunteering' etc. But it doesn't always work like that in London. You could join a club where people come from the top of north london to the very bottom of south of London. It doesn't provide you with a genuine chance to make REGULAR friends. I've lived here for about 9 years now and I still feel extremely lonely. Unfortunately for me I went to a school that doesn't even exist anymore, it was that bad. If I remember correctly it was in the bottom 40 schools in the country. The schoolkids were awful, seriously awful. It was similar with my college, for various reasons (including being ill) I ended up at a drop out college full of idiots.
So sociable as I am, and likeable as I am - despite knowing and having met lots of people, I still feel so lonely in this city. I go out with some people, my workmates have been a good laugh. But nothing has ever transferred into regular mates. Well I have a few but they aren't regular regular mates. People I can just ring up and arrange to roll up to their place in 5 minutes. London is so vast and so busy, people just don't always have the time or peace of mind to travel halfway across London to meet for a coffee and a chat. It's not that people don't want to be friendly, it's just more convenient to socialise differently, because they are so busy and occupied.
When it comes to girls, it's not much better. Some of the girls I go out with and have either dated or got their number, are girls who I have very little in common with and sometimes can hardly speak any English. It's hard to meet English people here! English people here are either carrying 2 prams in their nike tracksuit or swooshing down champagne in the West End. You just don't see and get to meet regular English people working in your local Starbucks for example. So many jobs are occupied by foreigners who are battling just to make enough money to work, and then go home to their one bedroom flat and pay their bills. I don't know who I am as an English man anymore here. I mean it's great to meet people from other countries, but it definitely has its disadvantages as well. Slowly, english people are deserting many parts of London and migrating elsewhere.
It's harder being a guy as well. When you are down, you just don't pick up the phone and ring one of your guy mates for a moan and a cry. It's weak and just not something guys do.
I would truly applaud and give a standing ovation to anybody who came to London post school/Uni phase and made a group of regular friends and found themselves feeling completely at home here. It's not impossible, but my god it is one hell of a challenge if you haven't had a stable set up in terms of home, education etc
Any other people with a similar feeling in London?
I've heard this loads of times, it's a common feeling.
Original post by mylifeisover999
Can you expand on that further? I live in South London.
Where do you 'see' these people out of interest? Walking along Oxford street perhaps?!
As I pointed out in my first post, most retail jobs are now taken up by non-english people. Regular British people who are not either really poor or rich are nowhere to be found, in any consistent way. The sort of guys you would meet outside of London (I would know as I've lived outside London) are just not to be found in London. The crowd of people who are balanced. In London it's either city slickers or jeremy kyle contestants.
Ye I can go out and drink and have a laugh and meet people. But do you go University or something? Oor have ready made friends from school? In that case it's alot easier.
Where do you 'see' these people out of interest? Walking along Oxford street perhaps?!
As I pointed out in my first post, most retail jobs are now taken up by non-english people. Regular British people who are not either really poor or rich are nowhere to be found, in any consistent way. The sort of guys you would meet outside of London (I would know as I've lived outside London) are just not to be found in London. The crowd of people who are balanced. In London it's either city slickers or jeremy kyle contestants.
Ye I can go out and drink and have a laugh and meet people. But do you go University or something? Oor have ready made friends from school? In that case it's alot easier.
Expand on what? A bar and a pub are pretty self-explanatory.
I lived and sometimes still do live in South London, I see British people all around.
No, jobs are not taken up by non-English people, are you a racist as I have a feeling that you're talking about British people as in White people only.
I went to uni, I met people there and while on nights out, stop being a scared introvert and get out there.
Original post by tehFrance
Expand on what? A bar and a pub are pretty self-explanatory.
I lived and sometimes still do live in South London, I see British people all around.
No, jobs are not taken up by non-English people, are you a racist as I have a feeling that you're talking about British people as in White people only.
I went to uni, I met people there and while on nights out, stop being a scared introvert and get out there.
I lived and sometimes still do live in South London, I see British people all around.
No, jobs are not taken up by non-English people, are you a racist as I have a feeling that you're talking about British people as in White people only.
I went to uni, I met people there and while on nights out, stop being a scared introvert and get out there.
See you don't completely get it. You're also quite ignorant too. Its easy to meet people during university, I went to uni for a year ... Everyone in the first year is there to socialize, have a laugh, get laid etc. The social challenges and limitations are not the same as without school/uni. I dare you to go to a part of london you don't know and start afresh. But dont worry, if you wish to continue to fool yourself that you're a social god based on your cocooned university experience then good for you.
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Original post by bored.i.am
See you don't completely get it. You're also quite ignorant too. Its easy to meet people during university, I went to uni for a year ... Everyone in the first year is there to socialize, have a laugh, get laid etc. The social challenges and limitations are not the same as without school/uni. I dare you to go to a part of london you don't know and start afresh. But dont worry, if you wish to continue to fool yourself that you're a social god based on your cocooned university experience then good for you.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
But where can you just move to and immediately make friends easily, its never easy to move to a new place and make friends. OP could move to other places and maybe complain, "everyone here is a pensioner, where do I meet people my age." Outside of education or work, people aren't really seeking new friends, unless you get involved and join the cliché sports and social clubs
Original post by ElChapo
But where can you just move to and immediately make friends easily, its never easy to move to a new place and make friends. OP could move to other places and maybe complain, "everyone here is a pensioner, where do I meet people my age." Outside of education or work, people aren't really seeking new friends, unless you get involved and join the cliché sports and social clubs
Ye I wasn't saying it was easy. My point was that the poster above me sounds like he's talking from a cocooned environment. The way he's going on about it makes it sound as if he could walk into a pub one night by himself and walk out with 20 people wanting his number. University is not a normal every day real life environment.
Original post by bored.i.am
See you don't completely get it. You're also quite ignorant too. Its easy to meet people during university, I went to uni for a year ... Everyone in the first year is there to socialize, have a laugh, get laid etc. The social challenges and limitations are not the same as without school/uni. I dare you to go to a part of london you don't know and start afresh. But dont worry, if you wish to continue to fool yourself that you're a social god based on your cocooned university experience then good for you.
I'm not ignorant to his situation, I've had to meet new people in the countries that I spend a lot of time, it's harder when there is a language barrier.
I met people outside of uni on nights out and continue to do so, I know many people that I still talk to from nights out and not uni.
Original post by mylifeisover999
Refreshing to see I'm not alone. I work in a retail type job, although I would rather not specify what. It's actually been good socially, it really has. I've met a number of decent people and have some mates from there. But that can only go so much as you've kind of alluded to.
It's very hard to know how to branch out further tbh. It's really weird but as you say clubs and so forth are no guarantee of anything. You have to be really lucky to find a place where it can enhance your social life in a more substantiated way.
It's very hard to know how to branch out further tbh. It's really weird but as you say clubs and so forth are no guarantee of anything. You have to be really lucky to find a place where it can enhance your social life in a more substantiated way.
If it's any comfort to you at all I've lived in London all my life and only know a very small group of people I can describe as friends. Yes, I know a good few more who I could arrange to meet up with for a friday night out, but beyond my girlfriend and then three other people there is nobody I could describe as a genuine and reliable friend who I could rely on. Somehow, I doubt that this situation is that rare.
I am in a different stage of life to you, you're working whilst I am completing my time at university. This definitely has helped me to branch out and meet people, living away from home and attending university has provided me with a sheltered, parent-subsidised environment in which I have been able to expand my boundaries or so the saying goes. During this time I have held down a number of jobs, but these generally being part-time and casual affairs, I haven't really had the chance to form any solid friendships from them. The people are normally friendly and up for a coffee and cigarette over breaks ect...
The above said, my social life isn't constantly exciting and engaging. You've been through it all before me so I don't need to say that as university drags on there is increasingly less time to go out, socialise and meet up with people. Nowadays I hardly go out every weekend, many saturday evenings are spent curled up indoors watching a film on TV and this experience is common to lots of people I know. The financial restrictions incurred by living and studying in London mean that many people are definitively not living the dream!
This time next year I will have finished university and be looking for or starting some kind of job. A number of people I know plan to come and work in London but unlike me their parents live far outside and until they can become self-sufficient will have to return home. I have accepted somewhat that as I progress into my twenties my circle of friends and social life will regress as time and other such constraints move in the way.
As I said in my first post there is little in the way of advice I can offer you. If it's any comfort, I have always viewed life as an uphill struggle. There is always opportunity but how that manifests depends entirely on how you utilise and exploit it.
I really do wish you the best of luck, if you want to continue this conversation inbox me and I could send you my email or something so two cynical Londoners can exchange their thoughts.
If you are really bothered about the lack of 'truly pure English people' (just to let you know that it's like that in most capital cities in the world so stop whining and get with reality) then go to North London. Harrow on the Hill,Hampstead ,Mill Hill , all these are a few names of places where there are quite a few Brits. I'm not sure if they drink champagne but I'm pretty sure that most of them don't walk around with 2 strollers in Nike tracksuits. 
If that's not enough for you then move out of London. Foreigners always migrate to big cities along with ethnic minorities. I would agree with you on the fact that London is a cold city though (compared to Paris: where I'm also from
) but that's because people in London live quite hectic lives and are always on the move and in a rush , so they don't really have time for anyone outside of their close knit community or small group of friends.
If that's not enough for you then move out of London. Foreigners always migrate to big cities along with ethnic minorities. I would agree with you on the fact that London is a cold city though (compared to Paris: where I'm also from
) but that's because people in London live quite hectic lives and are always on the move and in a rush , so they don't really have time for anyone outside of their close knit community or small group of friends.Quick Reply
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