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New friend at a bad time?
Okay I really have two problems.
First let me set the scene
. I have been going out with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now and we have been getting on great up until exam season. The last few weeks I we havnt seen each other apart from just before, just after exams and to be honest things have not been going great. However on the upside when I can get her to relax a little things are great, for example yesterday took her out for lunch and coffee after an exam and things were great.
Just before exams though one of my friends had a party. Myself and my girlfriend both made loads of new friends. I made one particular friend though, who I have just got on with so well. We now (3 and a half weeks later) are like best friends and see each other a lot. In fact in the last 3 weeks I have seen her more times than I have my girlfriend. It gotten to the stage where if she is in town or going to a gig she invites me, and i dont want to say no.
So this leads to the first problem I guess. We went out for a Coffee on Saturday to discuss how exams went during the week etc, as we go to different schools. We had a great time and what we had planned to be a 2 hour talk turned out to be coffee, lunch and almost dinner. I pretty much spent the whole day with her. We both had a great time. It was after that though when I was going home, that I relised there could be something more than just being best friends on my half... I feel very guilty about this and have no idea what to do. On one hand I am getting on great with her and not so great with my current girlfriend, but on the other i have had more great times with my girlfriend than I have had with this girl. This is not a question of leaving my girlfriend because I know it will all be great again after exams, I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest and see if anyone had any advise about this situation.
My second point is that I keep asking my girlfriend if she is alright with me seeing this girl whenever we are going to see each other, and I even invite her along. If she can come she comes (which is very rare), otherwise she says she has no problem with it. Now the problem comes, I think she does have a problem with it on some level, because she doesn't seem to be to happy after I mention seeing the girl... Is there anything I can do? I just want my girlfriend to be happy, but at the same time don't want to lose the great friend i just made...
Any help would be appreciated. Please try and keep the flaming out, I want useful advise. And dont tell me to dump my girlfriend because that simply is not going to happen, I love her far to much to even think about doing that.
First let me set the scene
. I have been going out with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now and we have been getting on great up until exam season. The last few weeks I we havnt seen each other apart from just before, just after exams and to be honest things have not been going great. However on the upside when I can get her to relax a little things are great, for example yesterday took her out for lunch and coffee after an exam and things were great. Just before exams though one of my friends had a party. Myself and my girlfriend both made loads of new friends. I made one particular friend though, who I have just got on with so well. We now (3 and a half weeks later) are like best friends and see each other a lot. In fact in the last 3 weeks I have seen her more times than I have my girlfriend. It gotten to the stage where if she is in town or going to a gig she invites me, and i dont want to say no.
So this leads to the first problem I guess. We went out for a Coffee on Saturday to discuss how exams went during the week etc, as we go to different schools. We had a great time and what we had planned to be a 2 hour talk turned out to be coffee, lunch and almost dinner. I pretty much spent the whole day with her. We both had a great time. It was after that though when I was going home, that I relised there could be something more than just being best friends on my half... I feel very guilty about this and have no idea what to do. On one hand I am getting on great with her and not so great with my current girlfriend, but on the other i have had more great times with my girlfriend than I have had with this girl. This is not a question of leaving my girlfriend because I know it will all be great again after exams, I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest and see if anyone had any advise about this situation.
My second point is that I keep asking my girlfriend if she is alright with me seeing this girl whenever we are going to see each other, and I even invite her along. If she can come she comes (which is very rare), otherwise she says she has no problem with it. Now the problem comes, I think she does have a problem with it on some level, because she doesn't seem to be to happy after I mention seeing the girl... Is there anything I can do? I just want my girlfriend to be happy, but at the same time don't want to lose the great friend i just made...
Any help would be appreciated. Please try and keep the flaming out, I want useful advise. And dont tell me to dump my girlfriend because that simply is not going to happen, I love her far to much to even think about doing that.
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All you can really do is wait the exam session out as you seem pretty sure that things will get better with your girlfriend. If you are sure that you want to stay with your girlfriend then you really have to nip these feelings that you have for this other girl in the bud. Maybe try not to see her has much to avoid temptation.
You seem to be very certain you're not going to dump your gf, so being with the other girl isn't really an option.
I think maybe you're drawn to her coz she's a "new" friend, and you've spent quite a bit of time with her and there's been a lot to talk about and to know about her etc. Its how friendships are at the beginning.
Like you said, you're going to have great times with your gf after exams, so I'm guessing you won't be spending so much time with the other girl anyway.
Maybe you shouldn't really meet up with the other girl so much. You could be sending out the wrong signal by being so friendly with her and always seeing her, which may backfire later.
Your gf is like any other girl out there and is bound to raise an eyebrow if you keep meeting some other girl. What probably makes it worse is, she's a new friend of yours, and not a mutual friend who your gf knows or can trust. She may think that she's not had enough time for you so you've found that company in someone else. I don't think constantly asking about the other girl is going to do any favours to your relationship, so maybe that needs to come to a halt too.
I think maybe you're drawn to her coz she's a "new" friend, and you've spent quite a bit of time with her and there's been a lot to talk about and to know about her etc. Its how friendships are at the beginning.
Like you said, you're going to have great times with your gf after exams, so I'm guessing you won't be spending so much time with the other girl anyway.
Maybe you shouldn't really meet up with the other girl so much. You could be sending out the wrong signal by being so friendly with her and always seeing her, which may backfire later.
Your gf is like any other girl out there and is bound to raise an eyebrow if you keep meeting some other girl. What probably makes it worse is, she's a new friend of yours, and not a mutual friend who your gf knows or can trust. She may think that she's not had enough time for you so you've found that company in someone else. I don't think constantly asking about the other girl is going to do any favours to your relationship, so maybe that needs to come to a halt too.
obviously your gf is jealous.. try to lax on the new one. as much as you enjoy her company, perhaps restrict to communicating with her online, or on the phone.
do something sweet to surprise your gf soon
do something sweet to surprise your gf soon
Nisherz187
You seem to be very certain you're not going to dump your gf, so being with the other girl isn't really an option.
I think maybe you're drawn to her coz she's a "new" friend, and you've spent quite a bit of time with her and there's been a lot to talk about and to know about her etc. Its how friendships are at the beginning.
Like you said, you're going to have great times with your gf after exams, so I'm guessing you won't be spending so much time with the other girl anyway.
Maybe you shouldn't really meet up with the other girl so much. You could be sending out the wrong signal by being so friendly with her and always seeing her, which may backfire later.
Your gf is like any other girl out there and is bound to raise an eyebrow if you keep meeting some other girl. What probably makes it worse is, she's a new friend of yours, and not a mutual friend who your gf knows or can trust. She may think that she's not had enough time for you so you've found that company in someone else. I don't think constantly asking about the other girl is going to do any favours to your relationship, so maybe that needs to come to a halt too.
I think maybe you're drawn to her coz she's a "new" friend, and you've spent quite a bit of time with her and there's been a lot to talk about and to know about her etc. Its how friendships are at the beginning.
Like you said, you're going to have great times with your gf after exams, so I'm guessing you won't be spending so much time with the other girl anyway.
Maybe you shouldn't really meet up with the other girl so much. You could be sending out the wrong signal by being so friendly with her and always seeing her, which may backfire later.
Your gf is like any other girl out there and is bound to raise an eyebrow if you keep meeting some other girl. What probably makes it worse is, she's a new friend of yours, and not a mutual friend who your gf knows or can trust. She may think that she's not had enough time for you so you've found that company in someone else. I don't think constantly asking about the other girl is going to do any favours to your relationship, so maybe that needs to come to a halt too.
My girlfriend is friends with this girl too, but I think they are mainly friends because she is friends with me if that makes sense. They wouldnt be friends if I didnt keep inviting my girlfriend along.
Thanks for the advise though. Nothing too shocking at the moment.
omf ur so selfish, why are you seeing this other girl when it obviously upsets your gf??? she deserves so much betta.
DanGrover
omf ur so selfish, why are you seeing this other girl when it obviously upsets your gf??? she deserves so much betta.
How about because I want to see my girlfriend and I cant because she doesnt want to see me because she is revising? I thought that was kinda obvious. + It isnt obvious, I do keep asking her and she says its ok...
Anonymous
How about because I want to see my girlfriend and I cant because she doesnt want to see me because she is revising? I thought that was kinda obvious. + It isnt obvious, I do keep asking her and she says its ok...
I'm joking mate. I'm just mimicking the people (read: girls) who think they should be the absolute centre of their fellas world. You're in a sticky situation but you seem to have your head screwed on so i wouldnt worry too much.DanGrover I'm joking mate. I'm just mimicking the people (read: girls) who think they should be the absolute centre of their fellas world. You're in a sticky situation but you seem to have your head screwed on so i wouldnt worry too much.
I'm joking mate. I'm just mimicking the people (read: girls) who think they should be the absolute centre of their fellas world. You're in a sticky situation but you seem to have your head screwed on so i wouldnt worry too much.Sorry couldn't read the joke. Its the case of the internet not handing over the meaning of what is meant to be said and so to speak. Thanks for clearing it up tho.
Anonymous
Sorry couldn't read the joke. Its the case of the internet not handing over the meaning of what is meant to be said and so to speak. Thanks for clearing it up tho.
No, it's my fault - too many people actually talk like that, and if you hadn't read many of my other posts, you wouldn't know i'm not one of them!
1013
Am I the only one who can spot that the OP is clearly developing feelings for this new girl? The day out with lunch, dinner etc. sounds suspiciously like a date. I'm not saying he's doing anything wrong here coz you can't help your feelings but I can see problems arising in the future.
Yes, 1013, you are.
Just because you spend the day together and eat twice, that doesn't mean you love each other. If this friend wasn't a girl at all, but a boy, you would have no problem in saying "your girlfriend is probably just stressed over exams and could do without the complications, but she respects that he's your friend so it's all fine", rather than "no, you clearly like this guy, ever thought maybe you're gay?". Boys can be friends with girls without fancying them. It's probably a case of the new friendship - new exciting person you've never met before who seems to have a great personality, who you have a lot to find out about, who you're still slightly shy around, and who likes you just as much as his/her other friends, or as much as you like him/her.
Just because it "sounds suspiciously like a date", that doesn't mean it is one - a date is generally something agreed between people who already 'have feelings' for each other (i.e. fancy each other).
OP: you might want to try laying off this friend slightly. Even though she's done nothing to deserve you seeing her less (and I do mean 'less', not 'not at all'), your girlfriend may well be worried, for the same reasons as 1013 - it looks suspiciously like a date (and, like 1013, people often get the wrong impression, especially if they don't know the people involved - and your girlfriend may not know your friend as well as you since they haven't seen each other much). See this friend but don't see her as much - claim you're revising or something if you have to lie, or tell her the truth. But either way, treat your girlfriend once in a while. Find out when she has a gap and take her out, alone. Then arrange to meet up with your friend some other day (when you know your girlfriend isn't busy) and take your girlfriend along. She'll grow to trust you and this girl only through experience of you two together. Alternatively, if your friend has a boy/girlfriend, ask her to bring them along. Should put any worries your girlfriend has right out of her mind.
Thank you to generalbriety. Some good advise there. And to 1013, no it wasnt a date nothing like. We organised to go out for coffee and then just kept talking all day as good friends do... didnt make it a date.
generalbriety: I dont lie to my girlfriend, so saying I was just revising wouldnt work. I have taken my girlfriend along twice, once to a gig and once when we just hung around in town. I have asked her to come along though pretty much everytime. In a way I guess its my tactic for seeing my girlfriend if that makes sense. I have tried seeing my girlfriend, every possible chance I get I ask can I see you, and she says no she has to revise. Valid reason, but doesnt really make me feel to good. I am doing loads with her during the summer though so it should all be fine.
Ohh and "the girl"
doesnt have a boyfriend. One of her friends seems to think she fancies me, but i doubt it. we aer just good friends, the way everyone acts sometimes I think it seems to be a crime
generalbriety: I dont lie to my girlfriend, so saying I was just revising wouldnt work. I have taken my girlfriend along twice, once to a gig and once when we just hung around in town. I have asked her to come along though pretty much everytime. In a way I guess its my tactic for seeing my girlfriend if that makes sense. I have tried seeing my girlfriend, every possible chance I get I ask can I see you, and she says no she has to revise. Valid reason, but doesnt really make me feel to good. I am doing loads with her during the summer though so it should all be fine.
Ohh and "the girl"
doesnt have a boyfriend. One of her friends seems to think she fancies me, but i doubt it. we aer just good friends, the way everyone acts sometimes I think it seems to be a crime
I am trying to be as careful as I possibly can, this could be a situation of "screwed if i do, screwed if i dont". In the end my girlfriend is more important, but I dont want to lose the girl as a very good friend...
This girl may think that because you're spending more time with her than your girlfriend that there's more to it. I'm sure after your exams are finished and you and your gf spend more time together again she'll realise.
And its perfectly natural for your gf to be slightly worried or threatened by your new friend, just make it very clear that there's nothing going on there. And she's probably more stressed over it because of exams as well. It'll be okay. You probably won't lose this new girl if you guys get along really well.
And its perfectly natural for your gf to be slightly worried or threatened by your new friend, just make it very clear that there's nothing going on there. And she's probably more stressed over it because of exams as well. It'll be okay. You probably won't lose this new girl if you guys get along really well.
Ok to add to the turmoil and all the problems above said girl had now declared that she fancied me, while drunk. I was very drunk as well (the wonders of alcohol, huh?) and kinda said the feeling was mutual. This happened last week thursday but due to all the parties I only just came online.
Of course nothing happened at all between myself and my friend, but now it just puts me in a situation. Everyone knows how everyone feels and it has messed my head up, my girlfriend now feels insecure, and my friend is waiting for me to answer kind of thing. I told my friend that there is no chance of us while my girlfriend is there and now im just waiting to see if things are ok with me and my girlfriend. ITs just very hard for me with all this on my mind.
Of course nothing happened at all between myself and my friend, but now it just puts me in a situation. Everyone knows how everyone feels and it has messed my head up, my girlfriend now feels insecure, and my friend is waiting for me to answer kind of thing. I told my friend that there is no chance of us while my girlfriend is there and now im just waiting to see if things are ok with me and my girlfriend. ITs just very hard for me with all this on my mind.
I'd back off the new girl so as not to fuel the fire so to speak. Maybe your girlfriend is sensing that something might be going on and that's why she's reacting oddly when you mention her. Maybe she says it's okay for you to see her because she doesn't want to make you feel restricted?
Ooh I missed the above post somehow, so, edit: Oh dear well the fire is fuelled and such
You already know that things WILL be okay with your girlfriend once exams are over? So it just depends whether this girl is going to respect your relationship enough to back off. If she keeps trying I'd say she's bad news...
Ooh I missed the above post somehow, so, edit: Oh dear well the fire is fuelled and such
You already know that things WILL be okay with your girlfriend once exams are over? So it just depends whether this girl is going to respect your relationship enough to back off. If she keeps trying I'd say she's bad news...Related discussions
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