I think I'm in love... but I'm Muslim?! Watch

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 6 years ago
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Right, so, basically, I'm 16 and over the summer I took part in a 3 week programme run by the National Citizen Service (with 1/2 day breaks between each week). On it, I made lots of great friends and it was awesome but, about one of these friends, I feel... well differently... about them.

I'm not exaggerating at all when I say I literally can't stop thinking about her. I thought going back to school would put an end to it or at least lessen it, but it's just made my mind go crazy. Whether I'm in lessons or not, I still think about her and how she is (she has some problems which she's told me about and I worry about her a lot) and my mind wonders off and thinks about all the time we've spent together doing activities etc. over the past month or so.

And it's not just that, before getting to know her, I guess I was like any other guy- when I saw a woman in public or on tv etc. I subconsciously judged whether or not I found her attractive. However, since getting to know this person, I literally don't care about any other woman. Someone who I might have found attractive before is just like... meh... to me now. I can still tell if they're good looking or not but I have to consciously think about that and even then, I'm not attracted to them.

I only really started feeling this way about her from the second week of the programme but since the end of the third week when we went home and didn't see the rest of our group for 2 weeks- well those 2 weeks were really, really depressing. And it's been a while since then and it's not gotten any better.

Problem is, as you might be able to tell, I'm Muslim and having any relationship outside of marriage is unthinkable. And please don't say stuff like "forget about your religion" etc. because I do genuinely believe in God and in Islam (please keep it on topic). And to all Muslims who see this, please understand, I can't help the way I feel. I can help what I do, but not how I feel.

I kind of die inside everyday because of the way I feel and how I can't tell her. I really don't know what to do?! I don't know how she feels about me, but I guess we have grown really close- I mean everyone on the programme has, but especially me and her. Truth is, before going on the programme, I had little to no interaction with anyone of the opposite gender (I go to a boy's school) so I'm not sure whether or not she's implying anything but I think she might be.

Please, anything constructive will help. And trust me, it's not lust or infatuation- I care about her more than I care about myself. I miss her indescribably everyday I'm not with her because I don't know whether she's alright or if something's wrong. Seeing her happy makes me happy and when she's sad or something's wrong that she won't tell me about, I just feel completely useless and get even more depressed than when I don't see her.

Much love and thanks in advance. Please be nice. x
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Mankytoes
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Does the koran explicitly say you can't have any sort of relationship before marriage?
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FlavaFavourFruit
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Damn. That's gotta hurt.

I've never been in love before or told a girl how I felt so I can't advise you on that part. However, what I have to say is that a girl isn't a necessity in your life. You may think that you need her but you don't. If you get depressed because you don't see her, I really think you should take a step back and re-evaluate this situation.
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HannahBird
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Forgive me for my ignorance, but are you supposed to marry someone without having a relationship with them first?
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fruitaay95
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I know exactly how you feel i wouldnt really give advice on here but pm me if u want x


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ash92:)
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Right, so, basically, I'm 16 and over the summer I took part in a 3 week programme run by the National Citizen Service (with 1/2 day breaks between each week). On it, I made lots of great friends and it was awesome but, about one of these friends, I feel... well differently... about them.

I'm not exaggerating at all when I say I literally can't stop thinking about her. I thought going back to school would put an end to it or at least lessen it, but it's just made my mind go crazy. Whether I'm in lessons or not, I still think about her and how she is (she has some problems which she's told me about and I worry about her a lot) and my mind wonders off and thinks about all the time we've spent together doing activities etc. over the past month or so.

And it's not just that, before getting to know her, I guess I was like any other guy- when I saw a woman in public or on tv etc. I subconsciously judged whether or not I found her attractive. However, since getting to know this person, I literally don't care about any other woman. Someone who I might have found attractive before is just like... meh... to me now. I can still tell if they're good looking or not but I have to consciously think about that and even then, I'm not attracted to them.

I only really started feeling this way about her from the second week of the programme but since the end of the third week when we went home and didn't see the rest of our group for 2 weeks- well those 2 weeks were really, really depressing. And it's been a while since then and it's not gotten any better.

Problem is, as you might be able to tell, I'm Muslim and having any relationship outside of marriage is unthinkable. And please don't say stuff like "forget about your religion" etc. because I do genuinely believe in God and in Islam (please keep it on topic). And to all Muslims who see this, please understand, I can't help the way I feel. I can help what I do, but not how I feel.

I kind of die inside everyday because of the way I feel and how I can't tell her. I really don't know what to do?! I don't know how she feels about me, but I guess we have grown really close- I mean everyone on the programme has, but especially me and her. Truth is, before going on the programme, I had little to no interaction with anyone of the opposite gender (I go to a boy's school) so I'm not sure whether or not she's implying anything but I think she might be.

Please, anything constructive will help. And trust me, it's not lust or infatuation- I care about her more than I care about myself. I miss her indescribably everyday I'm not with her because I don't know whether she's alright or if something's wrong. Seeing her happy makes me happy and when she's sad or something's wrong that she won't tell me about, I just feel completely useless and get even more depressed than when I don't see her.

Much love and thanks in advance. Please be nice. x
Muslims do actually acknowledge love as an emotion - which might be surprising to many on TSR. What it says with regards to it is that you should tell her and find out if she agrees, and then pursue this in marriage (when possible). And this telling/asking can be done indirectly, or directly in the presence of eg her brother. And it also says that you can't have sexual relations with her (or anyone for that matter) until you are married.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by NikoB)
Damn. That's gotta hurt.

I've never been in love before or told a girl how I felt so I can't advise you on that part. However, what I have to say is that a girl isn't a necessity in your life. You may think that you need her but you don't. If you get depressed because you don't see her, I really think you should take a step back and re-evaluate this situation.
True, I don't need her, but I do want to see her happy. That's all really... It's not that I get depressed just because I don't see her- that's just part of it. Like I said, she's going through a tough time and I worry about her and how she's holding up. It's a cocktail of feelings which have really confused me and just leave me in a state of utter hopelessness and hating life etc..

(Original post by HannahBird)
Forgive me for my ignorance, but are you supposed to marry someone without having a relationship with them first?
You can obviously get to know them- but there can be no form of sexual relationship. And the person has to be Muslim (with a few, very strict exceptions).
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Strangey
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(Original post by ash92:))
Muslims do actually acknowledge love as an emotion - which might be surprising to many on TSR. What it says with regards to it is that you should tell her and find out if she agrees, and then pursue this in marriage (when possible). And this telling/asking can be done indirectly, or directly in the presence of eg her brother. And it also says that you can't have sexual relations with her (or anyone for that matter) until you are married.
I think getting married would maybe be a bit too extreme at the moment - he barely knows the girl!

OP, you should keep in contact with her and if you think she feels the same way, then explain the problem you have, see what he says. I wouldn't advise talking to her about this in front of anyone else though (it's the sort of thing you need to keep quiet at the moment, to see how you feel.) I'm guessing she isn't Muslim?
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TheRageTrain
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seems like you're going to have to give up one of the relationships then.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Strangey)
I think getting married would maybe be a bit too extreme at the moment - he barely knows the girl!

OP, you should keep in contact with her and if you think she feels the same way, then explain the problem you have, see what he says. I wouldn't advise talking to her about this in front of anyone else though (it's the sort of thing you need to keep quiet at the moment, to see how you feel.) I'm guessing she isn't Muslim?
Thanks.
We've never really talked about religion but I'm pretty sure she isn't Muslim!

Although she is, well, different, when it comes to learning in general for someone of her age! I mean, she is really understanding and interested in different cultures and religions and learning in general! I think she would understand if I told her... that was actually really helpful. Thanks again!
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Amanbabbar./
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(Original post by HannahBird)
Forgive me for my ignorance, but are you supposed to marry someone without having a relationship with them first?
Yes, Muslims tend to have arranged or in some cases, forced marriages.
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Amanbabbar./
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Lol, I say stick it to the man and date her..
I mean, I know so many young Muslims that are in relationships at the moment, nobody says anything.
If you refer to yourself as a religiously practicing Muslim then I think no, you shouldn't consider dating, but if not, then I don't see why not?
Nothing wrong with a lil' lovin'.
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moonziggy
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You can pm me, id be happy to give you advice because its happened to me too
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username1039383
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(Original post by Amanbabbar./)
Yes, Muslims tend to have arranged or in some cases, forced marriages.
Actually no. Nearly every woman in my family didnt have an arranged or forced marriage, including my mother. You can get to know the person but you cant be alone together and cant be intimate before marriage
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paradoxicalme
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Right, so, basically, I'm 16 and over the summer I took part in a 3 week programme run by the National Citizen Service (with 1/2 day breaks between each week). On it, I made lots of great friends and it was awesome but, about one of these friends, I feel... well differently... about them.

I'm not exaggerating at all when I say I literally can't stop thinking about her. I thought going back to school would put an end to it or at least lessen it, but it's just made my mind go crazy. Whether I'm in lessons or not, I still think about her and how she is (she has some problems which she's told me about and I worry about her a lot) and my mind wonders off and thinks about all the time we've spent together doing activities etc. over the past month or so.

And it's not just that, before getting to know her, I guess I was like any other guy- when I saw a woman in public or on tv etc. I subconsciously judged whether or not I found her attractive. However, since getting to know this person, I literally don't care about any other woman. Someone who I might have found attractive before is just like... meh... to me now. I can still tell if they're good looking or not but I have to consciously think about that and even then, I'm not attracted to them.

I only really started feeling this way about her from the second week of the programme but since the end of the third week when we went home and didn't see the rest of our group for 2 weeks- well those 2 weeks were really, really depressing. And it's been a while since then and it's not gotten any better.

Problem is, as you might be able to tell, I'm Muslim and having any relationship outside of marriage is unthinkable. And please don't say stuff like "forget about your religion" etc. because I do genuinely believe in God and in Islam (please keep it on topic). And to all Muslims who see this, please understand, I can't help the way I feel. I can help what I do, but not how I feel.

I kind of die inside everyday because of the way I feel and how I can't tell her. I really don't know what to do?! I don't know how she feels about me, but I guess we have grown really close- I mean everyone on the programme has, but especially me and her. Truth is, before going on the programme, I had little to no interaction with anyone of the opposite gender (I go to a boy's school) so I'm not sure whether or not she's implying anything but I think she might be.

Please, anything constructive will help. And trust me, it's not lust or infatuation- I care about her more than I care about myself. I miss her indescribably everyday I'm not with her because I don't know whether she's alright or if something's wrong. Seeing her happy makes me happy and when she's sad or something's wrong that she won't tell me about, I just feel completely useless and get even more depressed than when I don't see her.

Much love and thanks in advance. Please be nice. x
I did that programme too; met my boyfriend on it And I go to a girl's school, so I know how it feels, not being around the opposite gender much.

How much time are you spending with her now you're back at school? The amount you're thinking about her is a little worrying, considering how long you've known her.

The primary thought you should be having is that Allah loves love. It tends to be individual cultures that say 'no relationship outside of marriage', but if you believe in Allah, you believe that he created you knowing that you would care about this girl. And if you do wish to start a relationship, you're by no means going to go to hell for it.
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username1039383
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(Original post by Gordons brother)
Can you guys vote for my brother to be the moderator of the relationship forums, for when he gets back from his ban on 21st of september? His username is 'Gordon Bennett'.
Youve stolen the limelight from OP lololol. Post somewhere else
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Amanbabbar./
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(Original post by Secretnerd123)
Actually no. Nearly every woman in my family didnt have an arranged or forced marriage, including my mother. You can get to know the person but you cant be alone together and cant be intimate before marriage
(Original post by Secretnerd123)
It doesnt matter whether you're practicing or not. All muslims have to adhere by Allah's rules. Are you muslim, because you seem to not know alot about how muslim marriages/relationships work
Don't get your panties in a wad, I know so many Muslims, and I'm just saying what I've been told so if I've offended you in some way, I apologise.
& no, I'm not Muslim
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BlindingLight
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It's not love, it's infatuation.
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Pictraz
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What school do you go to? I'm almost exactly like you, but have yet to make contact with a girl. PM me.
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Anonymous #2
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As a muslim girl I can sympathise.
However think of it like this: This life is temporary and if you did (That a big IF) enter into this relationship do you think you would not return to Allah?

If you love this girl enough then marriage is the way. BUT youre only 16. Concentrate on your studies, improve your relationship with Allah before anyone else. Once you know and have some form of understanding and deep love for the deen Allah will reveal your next steps to you. I am happy your deen means so much to you and you havnt gone through with it. Read lots of quran and wait for a bit. If you still harbour these feelings and you know she is a good muslim girl then speak to your family. But take into account her deen. Is she practising? Does she wear hijab? She doesnt have to be perfect but her love for Allah and the Prophet SAW must be there.

My advice is wait till youre 18. 16 is still too young. And work on becoming a better muslim and improving your spiritual relationship with Allah before embarking on a marital relationship. Marriage is a lot of hard work and there are conditions to be met by both parties.

I hope this helps brother.
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