The Student Room Group

guy on my course

There's a boy on my course who I've become friends with, he is uber-clever which is useful when it comes to assignment times because we study together and he has given me A LOT of help when I've been stuck, which Im grateful for.

He's not a geek, he just comes over as a normal well-rounded guy and he's very kind and caring, I get myself stressed and wound up when we have deadlines and he is lovely at calming me down and making sure everything gets done.

But, and I know this is going to sound really cruel and shallow, I'm not really interested in him *like that* because he's not great-looking. He's not ugly but maybe (although I HATE myself for thinking this) I feel like I could do better :redface:

OK now the problem. I can't work out whether he fancies me or not. He has never said anything along the lines that he does, but a couple of times he's tried to get me to meet up with him socially and I've either blagged an excuse or (harshly) just ignored the text and hoped he'd think I'd never received it. After we'd finished our last exam he asked if I fancied grabbing a coffee for an hour but I said I had to go and help a friend pack up and that I was sure I'd see him around.

The other complication is that he only lives about 15 mins away from where I do, so he's texted me now to ask what I'm up to and if I fancy catching up. I actually reckon if he hadn't helped me so much with work, that I would say yeah no problem and go round and see it as friends kind of thing but I am just so worried that he actually fancies me, because I feel like after all he's done for me it would be really mean to say no, and it would make things really awkward. But I don't know how to deal with it any more because if I ignore this text as well its going to look suspicious and he might keep asking.

The other reason why I'm uncertain about everything is that I might have TOTALLY misread the situation and he only wants to meet up as friends, and if i say anything like "this is just friends, right", then he might go "er....yes????" and I would feel really embarrased for getting ahead of myself. I don't think he's got a girlfriend (he's mentioned his ex a couple of times) but he seems to have a few female friends and one time when we were coming out of uni together a girl was waiting for him and he patted her on the back and was like 'we heading off then pumpkin?' to her, so he might just be friendly and flirty to everyone.

I just dunno his intentions and if I had a crystal ball I'd know how to deal with it all but because he's put himself out a lot for me and spent a lot of time when I've got stressed I can't help but wonder if he fancies me and that if I meet him it's going to be a lead on which will make thisng really awkward!

aarghh stress :confused:
Reply 1
Just go. Even if he does like you like that, if you make it clear that you're just in in for his friendship, I'm sure he'd rather that than nothing at all. You don't have to come right out and say it. Just act 'buddy' with him. Maybe chat about girls he could go out with or he might like to let him know that you don't see him like that. I had a similar situation as you. I went for a drink with the guy and we had a laugh with me pointing out girls he could go and chat up and giving him tips and stuff.
Reply 2
I'd go and meet him if I were you. You like him as a friend: he's helped you with your work, you've called him "very kind and caring" and a good all round chap. So what if you're not interested in him "like that", you can still meet up with him and not have to avoid himjust because you don't think he's attractive enough to be seen with.
Reply 3
no its not that I dont think he's attractive enough to be seen with, I'mnot that harsh, the reason I don't really want to meet up is because if it is a case of him fancying me then I just hate the idea of having to tell him because he's done loads for me (also I kind of thought he helped me because he was a good guy and if it turns out to be because he fancied me thenit will spoil the impression I had of him)
Reply 4
If he's done that much for you surely it would be more mean not to meet him at all. Just meet up with him & act matey. If he says/does anything just say I'm sorry but I just want to be friends. He's not likely to make a move if its obvious you aren't interested. & he may not even be interested anyway! He might just think you are a good friend & after spending lots of time together he'd like to see you over the summer. Don't stress about it until you know & definitely DO NOT go out with him cos you feel you owe him!
Reply 5
Meet him, just if things get obviously flirty make sure you don't respond. If you have this attitude to all males you spend time with how will you ever have any male friends?!
Reply 6
Just text him saying, Hello mate, how is it going. and always keep using words like buddy, friend, mate.

anyway,

Girls tell me looks arnt everything and I never go just for looks!! LIES LIES and more LIES!!
Reply 7
thats how I dealt with it last time LOL, he texted me asking if I wanted to meet up, and I ignored it for about a week (we didnt have uni at the time so I didnt see him) then said "hey, only just got your text through, how are you doing?" (convieniently ignoring the fact he'd asked to meet up)

And any girl (or boy for that fact) who says looks arent everything are kidding themselves, you have to be attracted to the person otherwise whats the point?
You should go meet up. Even if he wants to be more than friends, you should give him a chance. Maybe you'll grow to like him in that way if you see him in that light? If you don't, just say you want to stay friends.
Reply 9
look arnts everything thats what some ugly people say (lier lier)
wild_horses

And any girl (or boy for that fact) who says looks arent everything are kidding themselves, you have to be attracted to the person otherwise whats the point?


Urm... Looks aren't everything. Sure, you've got to be attracted to them, but I'm just hoping you didn't quite mean what you typed.
looks are everything, if your not attracted physically, then how can you kiss the person?
Reply 12
wild_horses

And any girl (or boy for that fact) who says looks arent everything are kidding themselves, you have to be attracted to the person otherwise whats the point?


They aren't everything. They're something, sure, but not everything.


(also I kind of thought he helped me because he was a good guy and if it turns out to be because he fancied me thenit will spoil the impression I had of him)


Perhaps he did help you because he's a good guy, and then fancied you because of knowing you? *gasp*

Go meet him, see how things go. It'd be worse not to.