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my best friend's parents are too prejudiced
About a year ago I started hanging around with a girl at my college- we've known eachother for a few years but I've only recently become really good friends with her over this year. I think she is really cool and we always have a laugh but the problem is, she comes from a strict Muslim family and I really get the feeling that her parents dont like me because I'm white.
She acts like some sort of mouthpiece for their views, which are quite racist. The other day she said that she thinks 'all white boys are scheming and manipulative and think every girl that speaks to them fancies them' - so now she doesnt talk to white boys. It really annoys me coz she never used to be like this. Even when I speak to white boys who I've known for ages, she goes all funny with me and says I must be flirting with them, even when I just ask them what theyve been up to etc. If I said something like that about all Muslim people, I would be considered racist!
Every time I'm at her house, her mum is quite nice to me but her dad acts like I'm scum or something. If I'm in the room, he'll leave and he refuses to speak to me. He drove us to a birthday party the other day and he was in a huge mood with my friend and wouldnt talk to anyone, just because I was there when he came in from work. I hang around in quite a mixed race group, and I've noticed he lets her other asian friends sleep over and he actually talks to them, whereas he totally blanks me and the other white girls in the group.
Its really annoying me and its starting to affect my friendship with this girl. I feel like she looks down on me coz of what her parents have told her about white people. Its not fair either coz I work hard at school and Im not a 'slut' - which is something she has also said before. Its getting me down and I dont know whether I should just not talk to her or what?
She acts like some sort of mouthpiece for their views, which are quite racist. The other day she said that she thinks 'all white boys are scheming and manipulative and think every girl that speaks to them fancies them' - so now she doesnt talk to white boys. It really annoys me coz she never used to be like this. Even when I speak to white boys who I've known for ages, she goes all funny with me and says I must be flirting with them, even when I just ask them what theyve been up to etc. If I said something like that about all Muslim people, I would be considered racist!
Every time I'm at her house, her mum is quite nice to me but her dad acts like I'm scum or something. If I'm in the room, he'll leave and he refuses to speak to me. He drove us to a birthday party the other day and he was in a huge mood with my friend and wouldnt talk to anyone, just because I was there when he came in from work. I hang around in quite a mixed race group, and I've noticed he lets her other asian friends sleep over and he actually talks to them, whereas he totally blanks me and the other white girls in the group.
Its really annoying me and its starting to affect my friendship with this girl. I feel like she looks down on me coz of what her parents have told her about white people. Its not fair either coz I work hard at school and Im not a 'slut' - which is something she has also said before. Its getting me down and I dont know whether I should just not talk to her or what?
Reply 1
Thats really odd, cos 'usually' its white people being racist againt black people. Well unless it gets really bad i dont think you should tell her about how your feeling. But if it does do it very subtle.
Are you sure you're not putting this all out of proportion? (sp?) Cos i have mostly black friends and yeah they can be racist sometimes but you brush it off cos most of the time its in a 'friendly' way, unless they are being serious then i say something cos what good is it being quiet and keeping it all in? you get me?
Are you sure you're not putting this all out of proportion? (sp?) Cos i have mostly black friends and yeah they can be racist sometimes but you brush it off cos most of the time its in a 'friendly' way, unless they are being serious then i say something cos what good is it being quiet and keeping it all in? you get me?
Reply 2
yep i get what you mean. She doesnt mean it in a 'friendly' way though, she actually believes it. and the way her dad acts towards her white mates defo isnt friendly! I dont wanna say anything about it, it just annoys me and I dunno whether I should just avoid her and hang with my other mates for a bit
Reply 3
This doesn't sound like the kind of 'playful' racism that can be pretty common (and totally harmless) between friends of different races - it sounds like your friends parents are nasty pieces of work, and if she's taking on their values then it's probably best not to try and continue the friendship.
If it was vice-versa your friend would almost certainly voice her annoyance, as this is socially acceptable.
If you can talk to her about it without ruining the friendship then go for it. If not perhaps you should keep it under you hat.
At the end of the day if she looks down on you because of skin colour maybe its not a friendship that is worth your time. It does sound like she's just following on from her parents though, maybe she doesn't actually believe what she says if you see what I mean?
Anyways, hope you can resolve this amicably, take it easy.
If you can talk to her about it without ruining the friendship then go for it. If not perhaps you should keep it under you hat.
At the end of the day if she looks down on you because of skin colour maybe its not a friendship that is worth your time. It does sound like she's just following on from her parents though, maybe she doesn't actually believe what she says if you see what I mean?
Anyways, hope you can resolve this amicably, take it easy.
Reply 5
if you dont like it, tell her you dont wanna be her friend anymore and tell her why.
If your friend is starting to adopt her parents clearly racist views then you should start to re-evalute your friendship. I would find it hard to be mates with someone who thought I was a slut but, that aside, if she looks down on your for being white, is she really worth having as a friend?
Perhaps if you talk to her now, you can nip it in the bud and makes her realise how like her parents she is becoming (teenagers hate that).
Perhaps if you talk to her now, you can nip it in the bud and makes her realise how like her parents she is becoming (teenagers hate that).
Reply 9
4get her.....find another friend. She and her dad sound like idiots.
What your friend is saying is completely unnecessary, and you shouldn't stand for it. People who err must be made to see it, or else they wont learn. Talk to her about it, and make it clear that she is talking absolute crap and needs to stop. Her dad will naturally be a different matter, but i'm sure he's fairly spineless so just ignore him if you are round at her house. If you being their means he leaves the house in a huff, go round more frequently so that he feels continuously put out and therefore just have to put up with you being there.
Anonymous
About a year ago I started hanging around with a girl at my college- we've known eachother for a few years but I've only recently become really good friends with her over this year. I think she is really cool and we always have a laugh but the problem is, she comes from a strict Muslim family and I really get the feeling that her parents dont like me because I'm white.
She acts like some sort of mouthpiece for their views, which are quite racist. The other day she said that she thinks 'all white boys are scheming and manipulative and think every girl that speaks to them fancies them' - so now she doesnt talk to white boys. It really annoys me coz she never used to be like this. Even when I speak to white boys who I've known for ages, she goes all funny with me and says I must be flirting with them, even when I just ask them what theyve been up to etc. If I said something like that about all Muslim people, I would be considered racist!
She acts like some sort of mouthpiece for their views, which are quite racist. The other day she said that she thinks 'all white boys are scheming and manipulative and think every girl that speaks to them fancies them' - so now she doesnt talk to white boys. It really annoys me coz she never used to be like this. Even when I speak to white boys who I've known for ages, she goes all funny with me and says I must be flirting with them, even when I just ask them what theyve been up to etc. If I said something like that about all Muslim people, I would be considered racist!
I know this is generalising, but honestly...the majority of non-westernised asians i know are racist..
oh and i think i should add...im asian myself..
Reply 13
Thats kind of going overboard. I know people from those backgrounds who are sooo not like that no matter how strict their families are. The thing is, some of them 'revolt' to what their parents tell them and some just follow what they say.
Reply 14
gossip_girl
Thats really odd, cos 'usually' its white people being racist againt black people. Well unless it gets really bad i dont think you should tell her about how your feeling. But if it does do it very subtle.
Are you sure you're not putting this all out of proportion? (sp?) Cos i have mostly black friends and yeah they can be racist sometimes but you brush it off cos most of the time its in a 'friendly' way, unless they are being serious then i say something cos what good is it being quiet and keeping it all in? you get me?
Are you sure you're not putting this all out of proportion? (sp?) Cos i have mostly black friends and yeah they can be racist sometimes but you brush it off cos most of the time its in a 'friendly' way, unless they are being serious then i say something cos what good is it being quiet and keeping it all in? you get me?
I wouldn't agree with that at all... i think alot of people are racist to white people too.. but it goes unnoticed because for some reason i don't think it is seen as important when white people have racist attacks on them.
Yes you should say something to your friend because the way her dad is being towards you is disgusting.. and your friend must have noticed it. If she is as much a friend as you say she is she will listen to what you have to say... sadly this is a good example of why alot of cultures stick to being friends/dating the same people from the same culture... if parents didn't act like the example above..alot of young people wouldn't become racist IMO.
Reply 15
Noxid
And Asian Muslim lads are better.
....................
Let her and her deluded family go, they arent worth your patience
....................
Let her and her deluded family go, they arent worth your patience
totally not woth hanging around someone like that--and without being offensive, theyy're living in a country that was once only white...if it can acept ethnic cultures and be opn to different lifestyles, they should respect the ountry they live in and its peple/lifestyles.
Reply 16
Anonymous
totally not woth hanging around someone like that--and without being offensive, theyy're living in a country that was once only white...if it can acept ethnic cultures and be opn to different lifestyles, they should respect the ountry they live in and its peple/lifestyles.
totally not woth hanging around someone like that--and without being offensive, theyy're living in a country that was once only white...if it can acept ethnic cultures and be opn to different lifestyles, they should respect the ountry they live in and its peple/lifestyles.
When did this happen?
Reply 17
Thanks for the advice. She didnt call me personally a slut btw, but shes always saying how 'most white girls' are. She once said something like 'in MY culture, there are less sluts because you usually only sleep with the person youre going to marry'
Anyway I might just stop going round her house - as I think we're naturally going to drift apart anyway. its sad but I guess it happens
Anyway I might just stop going round her house - as I think we're naturally going to drift apart anyway. its sad but I guess it happens
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