The Student Room Group

HELP, Anorexic Housemate having bad effects

Ok, so a week ago my friends and I (8 GIRLS!) all moved into our new house at University. Obviously we expected some difficulties but this is unlike anything I imagined.

One girl has returned after the summer with an eating disorder and is vanishing before our very eyes. This in itself is an issue however this is beginning to affect everyone in the house, none of us eat any carbs and most are running excessively.
I myself have struggled with an eating disorder and I feel that it is returning. It also seems to be turning into a competition as to who eats the least/healthiest and who is the skinniest. I know that this sounds Psychotic and I never imagined this could happen to us but It already has. You can cut the atmosphere in the kitchen with a knife. The problem is that the girl who has returned with these issues is overly open about it and will happily sit eating a single apple for an hour in front of us while the rest of us try to eat normally- and usually fail. I would really appreciate any advice with this. I cannot bare the thought of living in this environment for a whole year.
Original post by VioletRoses21
Ok, so a week ago my friends and I (8 GIRLS!) all moved into our new house at University. Obviously we expected some difficulties but this is unlike anything I imagined.

One girl has returned after the summer with an eating disorder and is vanishing before our very eyes. This in itself is an issue however this is beginning to affect everyone in the house, none of us eat any carbs and most are running excessively.
I myself have struggled with an eating disorder and I feel that it is returning. It also seems to be turning into a competition as to who eats the least/healthiest and who is the skinniest. I know that this sounds Psychotic and I never imagined this could happen to us but It already has. You can cut the atmosphere in the kitchen with a knife. The problem is that the girl who has returned with these issues is overly open about it and will happily sit eating a single apple for an hour in front of us while the rest of us try to eat normally- and usually fail. I would really appreciate any advice with this. I cannot bare the thought of living in this environment for a whole year.


Talk to a couple of the other girls and see if they're thinking the same, and if so then go and talk to a counsellor, see if you can be 'treated' as a group, seeing as it's all of you. Better to act now than try and get all of you out of an eating disorder! Also talk to the girl who came back with the eating disorder and see if you can get her to talk to someone about it.
why don't you just openly point out the stupidity of the situation and make it known you're not going to be a part of it?
How about the rest of you grow up and ignore her behavior around food. Stop letting her affect what you do and stop pandering to her. I know that sounds harsh, and I'm not trying to belittle the condition, but what you are all doing is not helping her, its going to be making her more ill and its not helping yourselves either. I'm sure you know, people die from anorexia and if you make her worse by pandering to her and that happens, how are you going to feel. I'm also sure you know, having had problems with food in the past, that what you're doing is not helping her.

Talk to the rest of your housemates, if she makes you feel uncomfortable, don't eat around her, take your food to your room and eat in private. In the meantime, speak to her about seeking help, contact her family to make sure they're aware and possibly speak to someone at uni. Its difficult because she is going to avoid anything to change or make her better, so the more people aware of her problems and looking out for her, the harder it is for her to run away from them.
Reply 4
People with severe eating disorders and anorexia don't tend to live all that long which is why it's so dangerous to be that way.

The human body is basically like a machine (a biological machine) and it needs fuel to keep on running, if it doesn't get enough fuel it begins to deteriorate and break down; and it will fail. The human body seldom recovers from catastrophic failure!
Reply 5
This sounds like an eating disorder that is less about body image and more about control. Your housemate may be seeking attention with her behaviour, or she may be subconsciously exerting control over the eating habits of the rest of the group. Either way, it's essential that the group takes emotion and competition* out of the eating arrangements. I agree with previous posters that group counselling may be the best.

*(Side note - I do wonder if our tendency to exhort little girls to "play nice" and not be competitive early in their lives means they're less equipped to deal with competitive feelings later on? :frown: One for the sociologists/psychologists in the forum, perhaps!)
Reply 6
I had a housemate who came back to second year with an eating disorder, she was deeply insecure in her new relationship which made it much worse.

None of us copied her, but there was a general obsession with food and exercise in the house which wasn't healthy and when you spend loads of time with these people it can be hard for it not to affect you. For instance I'd be sat with a huge bowl of chilli and rice (after spending the day studying and an hour in the gym) and she'd be making her one meal of the day... 3 fish fingers and a 2 or 3 spoonfuls of peas. It was hard not to feel awkward!

I'm not sure what to suggest except spend more time with people outside the house perhaps or hope that the novelty will wear off when it's too cold to go out running and you want decent food in the winter!
(edited 10 years ago)
Reply 7
You can't continue in that environment. Either sit down and discuss it with everyone, go to group counselling or continue living as you are.
Come live with me✌️ my housemates are the bedt
The girl needs help. TBH you all do, I can't understand why you are all copying her behaviour.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by chronic_fatigue
The girl needs help. TBH you all do, I can't understand why you are all coping your behaviour.


Yeah, If she has a genuine mental disorder then fair enough. But this competitiveness and copying her behaviour is ridiculous. What on earth.
Original post by SophiaKeuning
Yeah, If she has a genuine mental disorder then fair enough. But this competitiveness and copying her behaviour is ridiculous. What on earth.


Anorexics are usually master manipulators, part of the reason why some people are not very sympathetic towards them. I hope she is not just attention seeking and she really is ill.
As said by others already, maybe look into counselling or talk to your friends to see if they're aware of how bad the situations getting too. You could also break the cycle by offering to cook them a tasty, aromatic meal and sit together and eat it? If you lead the way having a decent portion they may not feel so bad to do so themselves and realise how much better it feels to have some energy. Also make sure you have some friendly banter around the table so there's less tension and no ones just sat their in silence focusing on what they have to do to work off the meal- it needs to be an enjoyable situation that they will want to replicate again.
I'm no expert but in your situation I think that's what I'd try ><
It seems likely that all of you individually already had problems with food. I don't mean this insensitively, but the atmosphere in your house is not normal - I could quite happily eat a bowl of chips whilst somebody else sat there with an apple, and they could judge away. Nonetheless, I do understand the peer pressure of body image on girls.

Firstly: This absolutely can't continue. It's doing nothing to help the girl with anorexia, and could be extremely dangerous for you, having had an eating disorder yourself. It's not just a matter of feeling uncomfortable, it's extremely dangerous. That leaves you with two options;

1. Group counselling. I think you should contact your university's mental health service, and ask their professional advice before you do anything else. There are pros and cons to this - on the one hand you can support each other, but on the other hand one person could drag the whole group down.

2. Adjusting your living arrangements. This may have financial implications, and won't be easy, but it may be necessary.

My advice to you individually is to, before all else;

1. Talk to your housemates.
2. Sort yourself out a healthy eating plan, perhaps with one meal per day eaten in your room. Don't allow yourself to do what everyone else is doing.
3. Get professional advice (this may be confidential, or from your GP).

Good luck - I hope you find a solution that isn't too disruptive to your university life.
I suggest you forget about what the others think of what you look like/what you eat and just eat sensibly.
Reply 15
I agree with everyone above but definitely talk to your housemates and stop this childish competitiveness - you'll be tired all the time with no energy and this is definitely not good for your academic or social life and especially not good for your well-being.
Reply 16
As a short term stop gap, maybe get some pleasant music playing in the kitchen/dining room, diffuse the bad atmosphere?

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