Lass says "I want to be friends"
Usually this means I would move on, but the reasoning is more weird than that.
I first met the lass last Saturday, when she moved into the accommodation and we were at one of the house parties. Things hit off well, hanged around with her for a bit. I asked one of her roommates on Sunday to see if she is single or not, but have been told she is single.
On Wednesday, I hanged around with a few of my friends, one of them being friends with the lass in question. Shared some stories, told her I did like the lass but have been told that she was single. Apparently, the information I told was incorrect. She is single and she does like me.
So Thursday, decided to ask her out and she accepted. Went out for a quiet drink, found out we get along really well and there is some sort of chemistry. We went for a walk because she was confused about the town. Went back to my place, shared a kiss and watched a movie together. She had to go back to her place as she had to do something tomorrow, but gave me a kiss goodnight. It went well, but something was kinda... off. And whilst I do like her, I found it a bit stressful for some reason.
Next day, hanged around with my friends again. The lass got invited. Then we had the talk in privacy. She said that she had some problems in her life and that it was best that if we can be friends. I told her that I understand. Since we share the same group of friends, we were bound to be friends regardless.
But I did feel a bit down. And it was obvious to my friend who recommended me to give things a shot with her. And then she explained it to me.
She never had a boyfriend at all. She was stressing about it because she didn't know how it all worked. She recommend to stick around and be friends instead of rushing. I explained this story to some of my friends, mostly female, and they explained to me that it can be frightening for a woman to have her first boyfriend. They also brought up an interesting point, which is that it's the fresher's week where hormones and sex are all the rage.
I can understand that. But in a way, I'm kinda torn. On one hand, I find it that a woman of her age who had no prior boyfriends in the past... would put me in a situation where most of the responsibility lies with me. Because I'm the experienced one. I had a six years relationship. Hell, I'm still really iffy about relationships.
On the other hand, I do really like this lass and I'm under the impression that she feels the same way. But due to her never having a boyfriend in her life and me still being iffy about relationships, maybe it is the right call to be friends.
I know someone is going to recommend me be on the prowl for another woman, but I find it extremely hard to be attracted to another woman. Most of my friends I've made in university have been women thus far and they all have been platonic.
And really, the best advice would be 'time'. But in my situation, what would be the best advice? Some recommended me to be honest. Others recommend me to give it time. My short-term plan is to give each other space and then just hang with her as friends (in the comfort of other friends).
But what would you recommend, as I prefer the variety of ideas. Or tell me "You're stupid. She isn't that into you", which is valid.
I first met the lass last Saturday, when she moved into the accommodation and we were at one of the house parties. Things hit off well, hanged around with her for a bit. I asked one of her roommates on Sunday to see if she is single or not, but have been told she is single.
On Wednesday, I hanged around with a few of my friends, one of them being friends with the lass in question. Shared some stories, told her I did like the lass but have been told that she was single. Apparently, the information I told was incorrect. She is single and she does like me.
So Thursday, decided to ask her out and she accepted. Went out for a quiet drink, found out we get along really well and there is some sort of chemistry. We went for a walk because she was confused about the town. Went back to my place, shared a kiss and watched a movie together. She had to go back to her place as she had to do something tomorrow, but gave me a kiss goodnight. It went well, but something was kinda... off. And whilst I do like her, I found it a bit stressful for some reason.
Next day, hanged around with my friends again. The lass got invited. Then we had the talk in privacy. She said that she had some problems in her life and that it was best that if we can be friends. I told her that I understand. Since we share the same group of friends, we were bound to be friends regardless.
But I did feel a bit down. And it was obvious to my friend who recommended me to give things a shot with her. And then she explained it to me.
She never had a boyfriend at all. She was stressing about it because she didn't know how it all worked. She recommend to stick around and be friends instead of rushing. I explained this story to some of my friends, mostly female, and they explained to me that it can be frightening for a woman to have her first boyfriend. They also brought up an interesting point, which is that it's the fresher's week where hormones and sex are all the rage.
I can understand that. But in a way, I'm kinda torn. On one hand, I find it that a woman of her age who had no prior boyfriends in the past... would put me in a situation where most of the responsibility lies with me. Because I'm the experienced one. I had a six years relationship. Hell, I'm still really iffy about relationships.
On the other hand, I do really like this lass and I'm under the impression that she feels the same way. But due to her never having a boyfriend in her life and me still being iffy about relationships, maybe it is the right call to be friends.
I know someone is going to recommend me be on the prowl for another woman, but I find it extremely hard to be attracted to another woman. Most of my friends I've made in university have been women thus far and they all have been platonic.
And really, the best advice would be 'time'. But in my situation, what would be the best advice? Some recommended me to be honest. Others recommend me to give it time. My short-term plan is to give each other space and then just hang with her as friends (in the comfort of other friends).
But what would you recommend, as I prefer the variety of ideas. Or tell me "You're stupid. She isn't that into you", which is valid.
She seems to be into you, and I don't really get why her inexperience should be a barrier. I would personally love if I dated a guy who had never had a girlfriend before, because if we fell in love etc, I'd feel like that they have been mine right from the start (selfish, but true!!) - I'm sure experience won't matter at all!
I think the best thing to do is ask her whether she would like to be in a relationship, straight up, and if she says no because she has problems, then I think you need to either a. respect that, or b. ask her if she would like to share it with you, since you have feelings for her. There's nothing better than honesty...
I've learned in my time of dating that just being open about things makes things so much easier and less complicated than being all secretive and dancing around the topic!
I think the best thing to do is ask her whether she would like to be in a relationship, straight up, and if she says no because she has problems, then I think you need to either a. respect that, or b. ask her if she would like to share it with you, since you have feelings for her. There's nothing better than honesty...
I've learned in my time of dating that just being open about things makes things so much easier and less complicated than being all secretive and dancing around the topic!
Original post by Anonymous
Usually this means I would move on, but the reasoning is more weird than that.
I first met the lass last Saturday, when she moved into the accommodation and we were at one of the house parties. Things hit off well, hanged around with her for a bit. I asked one of her roommates on Sunday to see if she is single or not, but have been told she is single.
On Wednesday, I hanged around with a few of my friends, one of them being friends with the lass in question. Shared some stories, told her I did like the lass but have been told that she was single. Apparently, the information I told was incorrect. She is single and she does like me.
So Thursday, decided to ask her out and she accepted. Went out for a quiet drink, found out we get along really well and there is some sort of chemistry. We went for a walk because she was confused about the town. Went back to my place, shared a kiss and watched a movie together. She had to go back to her place as she had to do something tomorrow, but gave me a kiss goodnight. It went well, but something was kinda... off. And whilst I do like her, I found it a bit stressful for some reason.
Next day, hanged around with my friends again. The lass got invited. Then we had the talk in privacy. She said that she had some problems in her life and that it was best that if we can be friends. I told her that I understand. Since we share the same group of friends, we were bound to be friends regardless.
But I did feel a bit down. And it was obvious to my friend who recommended me to give things a shot with her. And then she explained it to me.
She never had a boyfriend at all. She was stressing about it because she didn't know how it all worked. She recommend to stick around and be friends instead of rushing. I explained this story to some of my friends, mostly female, and they explained to me that it can be frightening for a woman to have her first boyfriend. They also brought up an interesting point, which is that it's the fresher's week where hormones and sex are all the rage.
I can understand that. But in a way, I'm kinda torn. On one hand, I find it that a woman of her age who had no prior boyfriends in the past... would put me in a situation where most of the responsibility lies with me. Because I'm the experienced one. I had a six years relationship. Hell, I'm still really iffy about relationships.
On the other hand, I do really like this lass and I'm under the impression that she feels the same way. But due to her never having a boyfriend in her life and me still being iffy about relationships, maybe it is the right call to be friends.
I know someone is going to recommend me be on the prowl for another woman, but I find it extremely hard to be attracted to another woman. Most of my friends I've made in university have been women thus far and they all have been platonic.
And really, the best advice would be 'time'. But in my situation, what would be the best advice? Some recommended me to be honest. Others recommend me to give it time. My short-term plan is to give each other space and then just hang with her as friends (in the comfort of other friends).
But what would you recommend, as I prefer the variety of ideas. Or tell me "You're stupid. She isn't that into you", which is valid.
I first met the lass last Saturday, when she moved into the accommodation and we were at one of the house parties. Things hit off well, hanged around with her for a bit. I asked one of her roommates on Sunday to see if she is single or not, but have been told she is single.
On Wednesday, I hanged around with a few of my friends, one of them being friends with the lass in question. Shared some stories, told her I did like the lass but have been told that she was single. Apparently, the information I told was incorrect. She is single and she does like me.
So Thursday, decided to ask her out and she accepted. Went out for a quiet drink, found out we get along really well and there is some sort of chemistry. We went for a walk because she was confused about the town. Went back to my place, shared a kiss and watched a movie together. She had to go back to her place as she had to do something tomorrow, but gave me a kiss goodnight. It went well, but something was kinda... off. And whilst I do like her, I found it a bit stressful for some reason.
Next day, hanged around with my friends again. The lass got invited. Then we had the talk in privacy. She said that she had some problems in her life and that it was best that if we can be friends. I told her that I understand. Since we share the same group of friends, we were bound to be friends regardless.
But I did feel a bit down. And it was obvious to my friend who recommended me to give things a shot with her. And then she explained it to me.
She never had a boyfriend at all. She was stressing about it because she didn't know how it all worked. She recommend to stick around and be friends instead of rushing. I explained this story to some of my friends, mostly female, and they explained to me that it can be frightening for a woman to have her first boyfriend. They also brought up an interesting point, which is that it's the fresher's week where hormones and sex are all the rage.
I can understand that. But in a way, I'm kinda torn. On one hand, I find it that a woman of her age who had no prior boyfriends in the past... would put me in a situation where most of the responsibility lies with me. Because I'm the experienced one. I had a six years relationship. Hell, I'm still really iffy about relationships.
On the other hand, I do really like this lass and I'm under the impression that she feels the same way. But due to her never having a boyfriend in her life and me still being iffy about relationships, maybe it is the right call to be friends.
I know someone is going to recommend me be on the prowl for another woman, but I find it extremely hard to be attracted to another woman. Most of my friends I've made in university have been women thus far and they all have been platonic.
And really, the best advice would be 'time'. But in my situation, what would be the best advice? Some recommended me to be honest. Others recommend me to give it time. My short-term plan is to give each other space and then just hang with her as friends (in the comfort of other friends).
But what would you recommend, as I prefer the variety of ideas. Or tell me "You're stupid. She isn't that into you", which is valid.
Oh my god. This girl sounds like me. 
How old is she, out of curiosity? If it's freshers I imagine she's not much older than me, and it's not that unusual to have never had a boyfriend at our age. Although that doesn't mean the prospect doesn't send me running for the nearest hill. I think giving her space is a good idea, and just being friends with her for a while, she knows you like her so that removes the whole "Do they actually like me?" scenario, and maybe later she might be a bit more comfortable and want to start something with you. Kind of hard to come up with a long term plan really, it depends on whether or not she's comfortable enough around you. But don't push her.
How old is she, out of curiosity? If it's freshers I imagine she's not much older than me, and it's not that unusual to have never had a boyfriend at our age. Although that doesn't mean the prospect doesn't send me running for the nearest hill. I think giving her space is a good idea, and just being friends with her for a while, she knows you like her so that removes the whole "Do they actually like me?" scenario, and maybe later she might be a bit more comfortable and want to start something with you. Kind of hard to come up with a long term plan really, it depends on whether or not she's comfortable enough around you. But don't push her.
Original post by Anonymous
Usually this means I would move on, but the reasoning is more weird than that.
I first met the lass last Saturday, when she moved into the accommodation and we were at one of the house parties. Things hit off well, hanged around with her for a bit. I asked one of her roommates on Sunday to see if she is single or not, but have been told she is single.
On Wednesday, I hanged around with a few of my friends, one of them being friends with the lass in question. Shared some stories, told her I did like the lass but have been told that she was single. Apparently, the information I told was incorrect. She is single and she does like me.
So Thursday, decided to ask her out and she accepted. Went out for a quiet drink, found out we get along really well and there is some sort of chemistry. We went for a walk because she was confused about the town. Went back to my place, shared a kiss and watched a movie together. She had to go back to her place as she had to do something tomorrow, but gave me a kiss goodnight. It went well, but something was kinda... off. And whilst I do like her, I found it a bit stressful for some reason.
Next day, hanged around with my friends again. The lass got invited. Then we had the talk in privacy. She said that she had some problems in her life and that it was best that if we can be friends. I told her that I understand. Since we share the same group of friends, we were bound to be friends regardless.
But I did feel a bit down. And it was obvious to my friend who recommended me to give things a shot with her. And then she explained it to me.
She never had a boyfriend at all. She was stressing about it because she didn't know how it all worked. She recommend to stick around and be friends instead of rushing. I explained this story to some of my friends, mostly female, and they explained to me that it can be frightening for a woman to have her first boyfriend. They also brought up an interesting point, which is that it's the fresher's week where hormones and sex are all the rage.
I can understand that. But in a way, I'm kinda torn. On one hand, I find it that a woman of her age who had no prior boyfriends in the past... would put me in a situation where most of the responsibility lies with me. Because I'm the experienced one. I had a six years relationship. Hell, I'm still really iffy about relationships.
On the other hand, I do really like this lass and I'm under the impression that she feels the same way. But due to her never having a boyfriend in her life and me still being iffy about relationships, maybe it is the right call to be friends.
I know someone is going to recommend me be on the prowl for another woman, but I find it extremely hard to be attracted to another woman. Most of my friends I've made in university have been women thus far and they all have been platonic.
And really, the best advice would be 'time'. But in my situation, what would be the best advice? Some recommended me to be honest. Others recommend me to give it time. My short-term plan is to give each other space and then just hang with her as friends (in the comfort of other friends).
But what would you recommend, as I prefer the variety of ideas. Or tell me "You're stupid. She isn't that into you", which is valid.
I first met the lass last Saturday, when she moved into the accommodation and we were at one of the house parties. Things hit off well, hanged around with her for a bit. I asked one of her roommates on Sunday to see if she is single or not, but have been told she is single.
On Wednesday, I hanged around with a few of my friends, one of them being friends with the lass in question. Shared some stories, told her I did like the lass but have been told that she was single. Apparently, the information I told was incorrect. She is single and she does like me.
So Thursday, decided to ask her out and she accepted. Went out for a quiet drink, found out we get along really well and there is some sort of chemistry. We went for a walk because she was confused about the town. Went back to my place, shared a kiss and watched a movie together. She had to go back to her place as she had to do something tomorrow, but gave me a kiss goodnight. It went well, but something was kinda... off. And whilst I do like her, I found it a bit stressful for some reason.
Next day, hanged around with my friends again. The lass got invited. Then we had the talk in privacy. She said that she had some problems in her life and that it was best that if we can be friends. I told her that I understand. Since we share the same group of friends, we were bound to be friends regardless.
But I did feel a bit down. And it was obvious to my friend who recommended me to give things a shot with her. And then she explained it to me.
She never had a boyfriend at all. She was stressing about it because she didn't know how it all worked. She recommend to stick around and be friends instead of rushing. I explained this story to some of my friends, mostly female, and they explained to me that it can be frightening for a woman to have her first boyfriend. They also brought up an interesting point, which is that it's the fresher's week where hormones and sex are all the rage.
I can understand that. But in a way, I'm kinda torn. On one hand, I find it that a woman of her age who had no prior boyfriends in the past... would put me in a situation where most of the responsibility lies with me. Because I'm the experienced one. I had a six years relationship. Hell, I'm still really iffy about relationships.
On the other hand, I do really like this lass and I'm under the impression that she feels the same way. But due to her never having a boyfriend in her life and me still being iffy about relationships, maybe it is the right call to be friends.
I know someone is going to recommend me be on the prowl for another woman, but I find it extremely hard to be attracted to another woman. Most of my friends I've made in university have been women thus far and they all have been platonic.
And really, the best advice would be 'time'. But in my situation, what would be the best advice? Some recommended me to be honest. Others recommend me to give it time. My short-term plan is to give each other space and then just hang with her as friends (in the comfort of other friends).
But what would you recommend, as I prefer the variety of ideas. Or tell me "You're stupid. She isn't that into you", which is valid.
I do think she likes you, but it is true that guys with lots of experience can be really intimidating for a girl that has never had a boyfriend. I think she doesn't know you don't mind her being inexperienced (and that you're still 'iffy' about relationships yourself), so maybe make that clear? You can be more than friends and still take it slow in my opinion, let her know your have the patience. Good luck
I don't know why I keep trying to give people advice here, I have no personal experience with these things, just from helping friends haha...
Anyway, I would say don't push it or you'll scare her off. If she's never had a relationship then she's bound to be nervous about it all, and trying to push it will intimidate her too much, just generally relax about the formality of it. Don't "ask her out" any time soon, but do things together, if you're hanging out as a group try and pair up with her for conversation when you can, sit with her when you're all just gathered together and stuff like that, become close without pushing it.
That said, don't just treat her exactly like your other friend if you do like her, show her that she's still special to you, if you treat her like a friend she'll do the same and you'll be stuck in what I like to call the pit of doom (or as some call it, the "friend-zone") so you need to make an effort with her to make her know you do like her but theres no pressure, especially if she still likes you back.
Theres no easy quick fix answer with this one, because first time relationship nerves can be the worst, you've just got slow and hopefully it'll work out.
Anyway, I would say don't push it or you'll scare her off. If she's never had a relationship then she's bound to be nervous about it all, and trying to push it will intimidate her too much, just generally relax about the formality of it. Don't "ask her out" any time soon, but do things together, if you're hanging out as a group try and pair up with her for conversation when you can, sit with her when you're all just gathered together and stuff like that, become close without pushing it.
That said, don't just treat her exactly like your other friend if you do like her, show her that she's still special to you, if you treat her like a friend she'll do the same and you'll be stuck in what I like to call the pit of doom (or as some call it, the "friend-zone") so you need to make an effort with her to make her know you do like her but theres no pressure, especially if she still likes you back.
Theres no easy quick fix answer with this one, because first time relationship nerves can be the worst, you've just got slow and hopefully it'll work out.
Original post by aspirinpharmacist
Oh my god. This girl sounds like me. How old is she, out of curiosity? If it's freshers I imagine she's not much older than me, and it's not that unusual to have never had a boyfriend at our age.
How old is she, out of curiosity? If it's freshers I imagine she's not much older than me, and it's not that unusual to have never had a boyfriend at our age.She is 18, going on 19 in Feb/March-ish. For clarification, I am 22.
Also, thank you for the advice everyone. I want to initiate the conversation with her, but I do feel space is the best thing right now. I'm not in the right mood to have a conversation anyway.
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