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In love with a straight guy.

Hey. I need advice here. Thanks in advance.

Basically I fell in love with this guy (he's straight and has a girlfirend at the mo). I had a crush on him since my first year at college and it has been two years now. I've never intended to disturb the lovely relationship he's having with his girlfriend but one night I spent time with him alone and he asked me whether the rumour that I liked him was true and I did confess to him. To my suprise he did not show any reaction to suggest that he's disturbed with my confession, in fact we slept together that night with me in his arms. I thought it was just a one-off thingy but we ended up spending the night together for more several times. There were times when things got really romantically out of hand but I won't be going there. All the while he never said anything to suggest that he loves me or hates me but I enjoyed the nights spent with him.

In the day we resumed our normal lives where both of us would not talk or even acknowledge each other in public but whenever we're alone or when we pass each other he would smile at me but ignores me when there are people around.

Now, I'm really confused. I don't know how to react and at the same time I don't want to put my hopes too high! I can't tell this to anyone cos I promised to him so. Since we've left college it has gotten harder for me. He does misscall me at times as a gesture that he remembers me but we never talked. It's just confusing and I love him!

Basically the theme song for my problem is Jewel's You Were Meant For Me :confused:

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Are you a guy?

Whats wrong with him being a straight guy, are you a guy or a girl?

Reply 3

Sithius

if you are a bloke then he isn't bloody straight if he got romantic with you.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

I am gay. I thought it's understood without saying.

Well sithius, someone can just be involved with the same sex without being in love or even gay.

There's the possibility for him being bi but... i doubt it.

Reply 5

generalebriety

Yes, but... why the hell would he do all that with you if he was straight? :p:

Reply 6

Tyler Durden

To be blunt, he doesn't sound as though he's going to throw in the image he is giving to the rest of the world (straight guy with a girlfriend). He is probably flattered by your attention, and he sounds as though he probably doesn't see you as just a friend(!) But as I said, I doubt he's going to come out and let anyone else know that anytime soon.

So... you have two choices as I see it:

a. You carry on as things are; sleeping together and spending time together in private but accept that it's not going to be more than that.

b. Protect yourself emotionally and tell him it's not happening any more and move on.

I don't know which I'd suggest - both have advantages and disadvantages (as you can probably see).

Either way, good luck!

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Well englishstudent. I think there's some truth in what you're saying and thank you.

If I had to choose I would have to choose choice a because b would mean I'll lose him. I'd rather have someone cuddling me in the middle of the night than being alone. But it's just so hard being ignored in public by someone you really love, I know this may sound too cliche for a real life situation but he's a great college sportsman and every girls dream guy. Being in such a conservative society that I'm living in, I think he wouldn't come out just for me (that's if he's gay).

Now, I don't know what to expect. Should I give him a call or send lovely emails/text msgs to him? I'm just so confused!

Reply 8

blurboy

Lol. the things that people come up with to get attention!

Reply 9

Lush Law

This sounds ridiculously like an American soft core gay porn film. But anyway, if the OP is telling the truth my advice would be to sleep with as many people as possible; simply to make your hot pretending-to-be-straight-likewtfeva twink jealous.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

I've thought about it but I also thought of the consequenses. Worst case scenario, he would think I'm a slut and would never want to sleep with me anymore! Plus my college has severely little hot dudes.

Reply 11

Anonymous #2

This thread has got me SO turned on. *ahem*. Sorry.

Anyway, maybe he's just a bit lonely? I'm a bit like that, enjoy sleeping with people of the same sex for comfort and closeness. Or bi-curious or whatever it's called. Sounds like he's really messing with your emotions though so be careful we don't want you to get hurt. :frown:

Reply 12

clouddweller

did it never occur to you that he seems to be using you?
he seems pretty intent on satisfying whatever urges he might have, but appears to have no thought whatsoever for your feelings....
by all means carry on if its what makes you happy, whatever people say if your determined you will and god's speed to you...but in the long run you're not going to be fulfilled and you're going to wind up feeling like ****.
think about it; you're the best friend you have, treat yourself with some respect. :smile:

Reply 13

Bubblebee

Perhaps him sleeping with you is his way of trying to soften the fact that he doesn't want you. If he truly is a nice guy worthy of your love (and you sound so lovely by the way) then I think it's worth properly talking about this next time you see him. I hope things work out better for you.

Reply 14

crazy4dancin

This guy has issues with his sexuality I do feel sorry for him because he's got to be a little scared. I'd say he was gay but just can't come out yet because of the reaction he'll get from his friends, family and his poor girlfriend. I think you should steer clear and just deal with it. There is nothing you can do unless he decides to come out (which doesn't seem likely at the moment). The only thing I can think of is telling his girlfriend about what has gone on this however will leave her absolutely gutted and humiliated and could make him think your a bastard. It's a tough one but I'd try and get over it and wait for someone who is open and honest to come alongxx

Reply 15

Caribou

If he was straight, He wouldnt have fallen asleep with you in his arms.

Reply 16

stoney

well i dunno if asking him out would be good thing or not but from the sound of it he obviously aint straight. keep in touch with him stay friends, you never know if he breaks up with his gf your probably in with a chance. maybe he'll realise his feelings and break up with her? (not nice for her but no point pretending to be something you're not) have you had a serious chat with him about it?

Reply 17

Pseudomuse

Maybe this other guy is gay but he's just trying to work things out considering he's got a girlfreind. but for now i think you should stay at arms length for now because this guy is with a girl at the moment and if she finds out you two have been sleeping together it will kill her emotionally, i know this will hurt you just waiting but if he does have feeling for you and the relationship with the girl freind does fail your be the first one he'll come to. just give it a little time

and good luck!

Reply 18