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gf's mental ex

well just started being with a friend that i have liked for over a year and she has liked me as well for around the same amount of time but had a very very strange bf and couldnt really leave him easily.

well she has now finished her exams and her ex has kept being around talking on msn and texting because he isnt over her breaking up with him no matter what she says to him, he thinks she will get back with him. well he did, then she made it even more clear 2 him that she didnt want anything more than just to be friends (she was mates with him before for years). he doesnt want that.

so now he is threatening to kill himself and will only tell her about him going to kill himself. he is saying that the only thing that can really stop him is if she got back with him, he has tried to kill himself before and desperatly needs to see a psychiatrist.

she cant tell anyone about what he is saying. i cant say a word to anyone. he refuses to go to see a psychiatrist. no one else knows what is going on because he puts on an attention seeking act all the time when with anyone. he cant find out that me and her are together because he loathes me as it is and will probably try to harm her before he does try to kill himself. and if she doesnt go back with him, he might kill himself and will refuse to move on. she says also that she would rather die than go back to him as she has gven him far too many chances.

because he knows a lot of people where she lives, we struggle to see each other at all because its always risky and it is really affecting us as people and as a couple. as i cannot be with her enough and she has a pretty unsupportive family, she has to keep all her emotions to herself and no one other than me can provide a shoulder to cry on. and refuses 2 even look upset when around me. i know her better than anyone and i know that she isnt messing around with what she is saying.

sorry and i know that its a long post

can anyone give me any advice as to what she can do and what i can do please? he is making our lives hell. thankyou

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Oh god... what can you do? Go and punch him and hospitalise him. That'll stop him killing himself. :eek: I mean I'm tempted to say it's just an act he's putting on. It certainly sounds like one. "I only won't kill myself if you'll go out with me" - pff. But I don't know him. Sorry I can't be of more help - but the punching him thing was a serious idea if there's nothing better you can do. :p:
Your gf should say:

"Go and kill yourself then you sad ****"

He will see sense and even if he doesn't, how bad could it be? People mental the way he is do no good anyway.

I see no othe way you could get the nutter off your case...
Reply 3
ahh right the old threating to kill yourself lark, tell him to stop overreacting, to take a hint, stop being so overbearing and if necessary floor him, well thats what i'd do but my girl friend says I can be overbearing. Oh and if you think i'm being to cavalier i'm not but the guy is clearly a pr**k and hence should be stopped; ahh for the days of dueling. Good Luck
Reply 4
i cant punch him, she might leave me if i did because she is so against violence, i am not the kind of person to do that, and he has a violent past. he doesnt seem like it but he can be very violent himself.

the way he is saying all of this is making me believe that he will do something and i dont fall for acts. he doesnt say that he will kill himself if she doesnt go back with him. he goes on all night saying he is gonna kill himself, makin her feel like crap and responsible. then she manages to get him to stop eventually and he starts goin on saying stuff like "sorry, i just cannot imagine life without you and i want you back"
Reply 5
This sounds like a really sick ploy to get her back. How about getting this girl to talk to his parents or one of his close friends or something, so maybe someone could talk some sense into him?
Ring his parents, tell them the story and then let them deal with him, tell her to change her mobile number, tell her parents to say she's not in and move on. It's in their hands then!
well why dont you just go and say to him "look you donkey, get a life, stop over reacting"
and then tell the guys parents of what he is doing, they would do something
Reply 8
okay have him arrested for harrasment, tell them of his suicide threats and they'll put him on suicide watch. He must learnt to get over people, and this is the sort of thing which results in drastic action
Reply 9
tell him to kill himself **** hiim if he's dumb enough to do it why not let him just do it :P
Reply 10
if he finds out that i know what he is up 2, he will probably kill himself, same with tellin his parents. she doesnt get on with his parents at all. if he finds out anyone knows about what he is up to at all, he is threatening to kill himself. he has quit his job, finished college now, not going to uni and quit all stuff like football etc.

i foregot to mention earlier that this has already caused her to have a mental breakdown because of other problems that she has and she has a very bad problem with her body that the doctors dont kno what it is and all the stress he is causing is making it much worse, i just managed to get it to start being better by making her life better, he has just ruined all of that
Reply 11
cant tell him to kill himself, he has made her feel very very very guilty as it is, i am afriad that she will do something stupid out of guilt if he does do something, especially now she has had a mental and emotional breakdown
Reply 12
I have the exact same thing with my ex at the moment.

He was threatening to kill himself, threatening to beat me/my new boyf up
threatening anything he could..

He wants the attention.

Basically the way I dealt with it was I told him in a clear strong way (very unlike me - im a total doormat) that

We were over. I wasnt ever getting back with him. I think he should see a doctor, and if he wanted to he could talk to my mother (she's a psychatrist). And furthermore, I was at the end of my tether, and he should realise how selfish he was being. If he loved me he'd leave me alone.

By just standing up to him, and having said that ignoring his crys for attention he's out of my life, and although I still see him around (friends in common) its fine. Hes still insane and needs professional help, but its not my problem anymore..
Reply 13
cant tell him to kill himself, he has made her feel very very very guilty as it is, i am afriad that she will do something stupid out of guilt if he does do something, especially now she has had a mental and emotional breakdown
Is this a joke or are you stupid?

If you're not going to DO anything then don't SAY anything. You've had advice, use it or don't. Don't keep saying 'I can't do that' blah blah blah. Are you mute or something? Surely you can talk to his parents or something...ffs.
Reply 15
wonderboy, i cant say a thing to anyone, i can only tell my gf what to say and she is easily manipulated by him as she is still getting used to not being with him anymore. i dont talk to him (long and complicated). he will harm himself and might kill himself if he knows that anyone but my gf knows about he wants to kill himself, he has been told all of what has been suggested, even 2 kill himself, but he just ignores it all and makes her feel even worse.
Reply 16
basically, what i want to know is what laws is he breaking? because i feel that the only thing that she can do now is to call the police. its really getting ridiculous
Well the guy is going over the top but it's not the first time I've heard this story, although it's more often from a male friend with an ex-girlfriend threatening to kill herself.

The only reason why you're stuck in this situation is because of your girlfriend not being clear with him. Why can't he know that you're dating her? Are you both part of the italian and russian mafias or this could end in gang warfare? Your main problem is there: of course he's going to think that he can get back with her, if he thinks that she's still single.

It's surprising how far a bit of harsh honesty can go: why can't your gf make it clear she's seeing someone, that she's no longer interested in him. Frankly I'd be pissed off at the girlfriend for messing around with both of you.
He won;t kill himself, it's classic emotional blackmail. you gf should see the police and get an injuction put out against him
*Radioactive Phoenix*
He won;t kill himself, it's classic emotional blackmail.


Exactly. Loads of guys are experts at it and use it extensively to get what they want from girls. But the best solution is simply to make things clear to him, be honest and then ignore his attempts to get attention.