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Grandparents

My nan has moved on my street into a bungalow so I go and visit her most days for a chat. She's 79 so quite old but she keeps talking about dying saying things like 'I might as well pop off as I can't get out or anything' but somedays she seems fine and is laughing etc. Anyway I know its really selfish but I don't like going round anymore as I think the more contact I have with her the harder it will be to accept it when she dies. Do you think this will be true? Or is it being selfish cause she did bring me up by babysitting all throughout my childhood.

Reply 1

Caribou

selfish i think :frown:

she loves you. the least you can do is return that love and visit her.

Reply 2

halfoflessthan50p

When she does die, you'll feel guilty for not spending as much time as you could with her.

Think about it like that

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

HagerVor

selfish i think :frown:

she loves you. the least you can do is return that love and visit her.

Ive been doing that for years, im sick of listening to her talk about dying every day.

Reply 4

Caribou

then tell her you feel like that, that its depressing and that she still has a good life to lead.

Reply 5

jennyflake

Not visiting would be selfish, reducing the visits to once every few days would be taking care of both your own interests and your Nans.
I definitely agree with halfoflessthan50p in that you dont want to be left with guilt should something happen.

Reply 6

AT82

I've never understand that attidue, my grandad died when he was 79, when he was 78 and quite ill he learn't how to use the internet, was driving all over the country with my grandma and kept very busy. He enjoyed his final months although he didn't know he was dying as he thought the operation would cure him rather than kill him.

My dads parents are like your nan though, ever since my mum met them in the late 1970's they have been moaning they are on deaths door, in 2006 they are still alive (just) and both well into their mid 80's.

One thing I will say is that I saw a lot of my grandma and grandad and I am really glad I did now as every memory I have of my grandad was precious. Although I was very close to my grandad at least I had no guilt.

With my dads parents which I rarely see I reckon I will see quite guilty when they go.

Reply 7

Ronaldo VII

Make the most of the time you have with her, you will have a lot of years without her that you will miss her and regret not spending more time with her so cherish the time you have :smile:

Reply 8

G4ry

It's a sad fact but death is part of life and there's nothing you can do about it now. Just try and bring some happiness into people's lives and remember good times that were shared as they'll last longer than any person. If you cut yourself off from everyone you won't care when they die, but i can't imagine a solitary life to be very pleasurable.

It's not selfish, it's understandable but in hindsight i think you'll regret not seeing her.

Reply 9

Talya

Make the most of her!

I've managed to lose 5 grandparents (one was my boyfriend's grandma) and even with my boyfriend's gran I felt bad that I hadn't spent more time with her, 'cause she was lovely :frown:

Reply 10

mal00

spend time with her otherwise ull regret it.. grandparents tell you what your parents were REALLY like when they were young :smile:

Reply 11

1013

All old people talk like that. Just tell her you don't want to hear her talking like that and that it makes you sad.

Reply 12

shinyhappy

My Gran lives next door to me, she has done since I was tiny. She too talks about dying sometimes, and tells me how she'll leave me all her glasses and cutlery (Ooh, you're a young person, you'll need those, your mum and dad will already have plenty.)
It is a bit sad, at times, but you just have to think about it that at least they're not scared of dying, or fretting about it. Make the most of your Gran whilst you have her. As everyone else has said, you'll feel horribly guilty if you don't. Its a strange truth that nearly all old people love the company of young people, makes them feel younger themselves I suppose - so your visits probably help your gran quite a lot :smile:

Reply 13

matt@internet

Whem my nan died I didn't feel guilty and I hadn't seen her for months mabye even a year. She died Christmas 2004 my 17th birthday. I did miss her of course and was upset that she'd died. She was in a home for people with mental illnesses or something (she got blood/food poisoning and it screwed up her brain). I couldn't stand the home she was in. Didn't like the smell or the feeling of the place. However if your nan is alright in the head (don't mean to be rude, please understand that) then I don't see why you should stop seeing her. I wouldn't think it'd be selfish to stop seeing her if it's upsetting you but you should ask her first to please stop talking about her dying. Make her see how it's making you feel.

Reply 14

Snowfall

halfoflessthan50p

When she does die, you'll feel guilty for not spending as much time as you could with her.

Think about it like that

With you on that one. When my great grandmother died, I felt so guilty (and still do when I think about her) that I didn't see her as much as I could've or didn't speak to her as much as I could've when I got the chance to see her, or that I wasn't as nice to her as I could've been. I was really upset that I couldn't attend her funeral due to me living in the UK and her in Japan and she died just before my A level exams.

Make the most of the time that you have with her. Even if at times it does seem depressing that she keeps talking about death, just try to make her laugh, make her happy, talk to her. Perhaps she'll see more point in living if she sees how happy you are that she is around.