The Student Room Group

Just another cheating gf story

OK I'll try (fail) to keep this short.

I have been going out with this girl for 3.5 years. Started going out when we were 16, fairytale romance and all that. We went to different universities but kept the LDR thing going. For two years this seemed to be fine, and we saw each other every two or three weeks at most. However the last year has been very intense on both of us and we rarely saw each other. Possibly as a result of this, she cheated (read: slept) with friend of hers (who is a complete *******, and she knows it). I was incredibly angry at this and finished things with her. But there are still a lot of feelings there and when, in a moment of weakness, I asked her to come to a Ball-type-thing at my uni,she quickly accepted.

This event happened last weekend, and we got on really well, just like we were a couple again for the most part. I found out that she had started sleeping with the *******-friend of hers. She says they aren't really "going out" and that she doesn't care about anyone else but me and that "the last few months haven't seemed real". Still, this news made me feel pretty sick.

Well whilst she was down here we hooked up, of course. I don't know what her motives were for doing this. Part of me is disgusted at her, thinking that she is no longer my sweet little angel but just some slut being bounced around between different guys. On the other hand, she did geniunely seem apologetic and upset about everything and says she wishes she'd never done anything with anyone else. Her parting words (through a mask of sobs and tears) were "I promise I'm going to get you back".

Right you know the obvious questions. Anyone been in a similar situation? Am I crazy for even considering her? Can I ever trust her again? Advice, perspectives appreciated.

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I'd move on ... could you fully trust her again?
Reply 2
Depends if she is going to carry on sleeping with this other guy. Can you trust her not to?
I think personally move on and im sure you will find somebody else
Everybody makes mistakes and LDRs are notoriously hard. If you managed to keep it going through 2 years, I would say that there is probably something there which you could salvage.
She is obviously hugely regretting her mistake and feels terrible about it. I think that you guys should meet up in the summer and have a very honest conversation. If, by the end, you still have feelings for you and feel at least half sure that she wont do it again, then maybe take her back. Like I said, everybody makes mistakes.
Reply 4
I am bumping this because today I am feeling depressed about it all .

We are both back home from uni now. This makes it worse because now she is only a few miles away and usually we would spend all the holidays together. I think we are engaged in a stand-off, first person to make contact loses. Bah.
Reply 5
Sounds tough. Could you actually start going out with her again? If my ex partner had been sleeping with an absolute tosser I'm not sure I'd have the same respect for them after that. If they had cheated on me with the same tosser then I'd steer well clear.

At the end of the day she chose to cheat, so she doesn't get any say in your decision about getting back together or not. If you can genuinely forgive her and not resent her for it then carefully consider giving it another go. If the reasons you broke up are still valid, which apparently they are if she's kind of seeing the guy, do you really think you could trust her?

IMO bad idea.
Reply 6
rosetinted
Sounds tough. Could you actually start going out with her again? If my ex partner had been sleeping with an absolute tosser I'm not sure I'd have the same respect for them after that. If they had cheated on me with the same tosser then I'd steer well clear.

At the end of the day she chose to cheat, so she doesn't get any say in your decision about getting back together or not. If you can genuinely forgive her and not resent her for it then carefully consider giving it another go. If the reasons you broke up are still valid, which apparently they are if she's kind of seeing the guy, do you really think you could trust her?

IMO bad idea.


Probably good advise

I would follow this if i was you
Reply 7
Here is some advice from someone who has done exactly what your girlfriend did to you (except my 'other guy' wasn't a ******, but that's not the point). I managed to get my boyfriend back after much crying and stomping of feet and then proceeded to do the same thing a year later. He should never have taken me back.

Don't take her back - it will happen again.
Reply 8
1013
Here is some advice from someone who has done exactly what your girlfriend did to you (except my 'other guy' wasn't a ******, but that's not the point). I managed to get my boyfriend back after much crying and stomping of feet and then proceeded to do the same thing a year later. He should never have taken me back.

Don't take her back - it will happen again.


Nice honest good advise.

I have done the same so i know how you feel.
Reply 9
i dont think others' takes in this matter can help u at all..only u can decide wat is best for you bcoz if u think u can forgive her for her SIN (thats wat i consider cheating!!) only then you'll be able to continue a healthy relationship.. or else, u might just be confused at the moment; as u said that u still felt for her, and want to get back with her only for that reason...but trust me it won't work if u havent totally forgiven her,coz one day or the other it's gonna strike u again n u'll only start detesting her!!
Reply 10
My advice to you is simple- get rid of her and forget about her. It won't be easy but that is what you ahve to do. She has proved herself to be an untrustworthy cheat. The simple fact is that if she loved you and your relationship meant something to her she would not have slept with the other guy. The best thing you can do is pretend to get back with her then sleep with another girl, then tell her to piss off.
You have to know that you can trust her again, and can you?

Also, it was a very long relationship. You're still going to harness some feelings for her (someone was said that it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them, I really hope that's not completely true, but it's still true that it will take a long time) and you probably aren't seeing straight and objectively right now. She's broken your trust, one of the most important things in a relationship. Whilst she does sound remorseful, it's really up to you as to whether you think that you can honestly forgive her and believe that she won't do the same thing again.
Reply 12
The fact is that she has proven herself a cheater. In my opinion you would be making a big mistake in getting back together with her. Who says next time you have to spend a long period of time away from her she won't do the same thing. It won't be easy but you have to move on.
To be quite honest, I would say: No don't do it!

I'm similar to 1013, but don't have the guts to post my true identity.

I did almost exactly what your girlfriend did to my ex-boyfriend of nearly 4 years.
It was long distance - I got with another guy - cried and stomped my way back into the relationship - and continued to cheat with this one guy.
Yes it was awfully cruel, yes I still feel guilty as hell and all that jazz, but essentially I know now that it was a sure-fire sign that there was something wrong with the relationship.
I did the cheating at about 3 years, we went out for another year and, to be frank, hardly anything changed. I think the only reason I wanted to be with him so much was because I was so scared of being alone.
I would say that your ex-gf is still sleeping with the w@nkr as a second option, should you fail to go back to her. If she can have a second option, she's not worth it.
I wasn't - I only hope I've changed my ways for good in my new relationship.
Reply 14
If there is one thing that this thread achieves it is to warn men not to trust women. Never let your guard down. They are always the first to cheat when they think they have found something better. It is a big misconception that men cheat more than women.
Reply 15
Amnesia
If there is one thing that this thread achieves it is to warn men not to trust women. Never let your guard down. They are always the first to cheat when they think they have found something better. It is a big misconception that men cheat more than women.



That's hardly true. This is a thread about a cheating girlfriend, so obviously a lot of the advice and anecdotes are going to be regarding cheating girls. If I started a cheating boyfriend thread, I'm sure we would have plenty of stories.
The girls (like me) who are admitting what they did are just trying to give good, honest advice.
Reply 16
1013
That's hardly true. This is a thread about a cheating girlfriend, so obviously a lot of the advice and anecdotes are going to be regarding cheating girls. If I started a cheating boyfriend thread, I'm sure we would have plenty of stories.
The girls (like me) who are admitting what they did are just trying to give good, honest advice.


But a lot of young men are fooled by the all the crap that women never cheat and are morally superior to them. I am just warning men not to think that she won't run off when she thinks she has found something better or when the relationship hits a low-point. You can be the example. All I am doing is providing a warning for naive men who believe all the politically correct nonsense about women.
Amnesia
But a lot of young men are fooled by the all the crap that women never cheat and are morally superior to them. I am just warning men not to think that she won't run off when she thinks she has found something better or when the relationship hits a low-point. You can be the example. All I am doing is providing a warning for naive men who believe all the politically correct nonsense about women.



I think you're living in a time warp or something. Since when, in recent times, have women NOT cheated? I think it's fairly well-known that women are just as capable of cheating now!
At least there are some women in this thread willing to admit their infidelity.
Reply 18
Amnesia
But a lot of young men are fooled by the all the crap that women never cheat and are morally superior to them. I am just warning men not to think that she won't run off when she thinks she has found something better or when the relationship hits a low-point. You can be the example. All I am doing is providing a warning for naive men who believe all the politically correct nonsense about women.


I don't believe that there are any guys out there who are stupid enough to think that no women cheat. I think that stereotype went out the window a long time ago. What I am saying is that some do, but not all.
I'm sure it's 50 - 50 in the cheating stakes.
Reply 19
1013
I'm sure it's 50 - 50 in the cheating stakes.


Thats why 1 in 7 fathers don't even know that they are not the genetic parent of their own child. Women have always slept around more than men, especially when they are younger.