help me make my mind up

ok me, male, infatuated with girl. me and she get on so well, like amazingly well. got so much in common etc. really want to move things on, but not sure of the best way. she has said several times that she doesnt want any relationship (in general) coz they mess her up too much and she doesnt want to be hurt... but that to me sounds like she's just telling herself that more than meaning it coz its not like shes never going to have a boy/girlfriend ever again (yep, shes bi). but anyhow.... wow this is a really pathetic post really... ahem.... we have a very unique relationship anyway, she lives with me at the moment, has done for the past month, thats how we know each other... so that adds another element of complication. also, im going away (potentially) for a couple of months... and she really doesnt want me to go as im one of her only friends here and easily her best friend here... and the thing is i would stay and cancel what i was doing if we were together, but i cant say it quite like that because its like saying "ill only stay if you'll be my girlfriend" which would put her under pressure and possibly make her say something she didnt mean and whatnot. and im not staying otherwise because i would be letting down other people for no real reason.

ok so i want to move things on... ordinarily i would avoid the whole "confession of love" thing because its cliched and puts her on the spot, forces a deffinate yes or no and potentially leaves me very embarassed, so i thought maybe the "accidental kiss" just to test the waters... but cant seem to find the courage or the opertunity, and she doesnt ever like coming out to town at night with me, and doesnt drink much so i cant blame it on the alcohol as an escape clause. and then i could ask her on a date (and i think she'd find that cute), but i wouldnt have a clue where to go, what to do what to say etc.

i am such a looser for creating this thread

:cool:

Reply 1

xChellex

Two months ago, I was saying to a guy who I'm very close to, that I didn't want another relationship right then and that I didn't want to get hurt or messed around.
One month later, and I'm his.

First point I might say, is that the accidental kiss bit could cause more trouble than harm. If someone feels insecure about getting closer to someone and are feeling fragile about relationships, accidental kisses can seem to have little feeling behind them and may make the girl feel more protective of herself because they don't really know your intentions. So I'd suggest lay your cards on the table and tell her exactly how you feel and how you want to make her feel, and reassure her that you mean it.
Assuming that she likes you back, she may need only to see that you are genuine and stable.

Reply 2

jess850

i used that line before to a guy who i have now been with for 9 months and is my best friend. i told him 'i didnt want a relationship' because i was abit scared of what might happen, the situation before we started going out together was a bit complicated. When girls say that, they dont always mean it! best bet is to tell her how u feel, straight from the heart

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

yep but im not rly completely convinced she feels the same way and i set myself up for a big fall if i do that. i suppose you are right tho, better to regret something i did than something i didnt do.....

Reply 4

Ethereal

Big falls really aren't that scarey

Reply 5

Vampyrcorn

This could easily be a bad idea so do say if you think it's stupid, but...

Could you tell her just before you go so that she has a couple of months to think about it? 2 months isn't really a long time is it?

That way if she turns you down you can talk about it on msn or by email so there's no awkward face to face conversation until you've sorted it out properly, and you can always pretend that you've gotten over her in those 2 months too so when you do see her it may be easier to go back to being friends. And this won't put any pressure on her because you're definately going away so there's none of that 'i'll only stay if you go out with me'.

And if she doesn't turn you down then by then it's too late to back out of your plans so you can still go away without letting people down, but you will have a nice relationship to come back to. Sure, you lose 2 months with her, but if it's long term and serious it won't really matter.

Just a thought.

P.S. you're not a loser for making this thread. :smile: