The Student Room Group

"School Life" vs "Real Life"

"Go, get a life!"

In the society in my school, and among most of my friends (and maybe also elsewhere in the world, as far as I know) it is almost a "value" to feel that "showing intelligence, smartness, participation at school and interests in things that are not sports, women&men, love, fashion, music EQUALS TO being a loner, a nerd, someone without a 'real life'."
A second majority states that working a lot for school and "drawing all teachers' attention towards oneself is very egocentric and doesn't give other students a chance to improve".

I'm not sure whether I let myself be influenced by the stereotype created by my friends&society, or whether I was in a period of vocational altruism, but at a certain point of my life, I decided that I wanted to be socially active and that I wanted to become a Friend, a 'human' friend - as it is called - who really CARES about everyone. Not a 'friend' who just gets A+ in whatever she does and does free tuition or does some social work because she "has nothing else to do".

Ironically, this decision was made in a period prior to a very important phase in school-life (exams, university decision, etc.) - before my last year at school.

When I look back at that time, I think that all I needed to do was... pretend to be ignorant. I gradually started not participating at lessons, letting others make more contact with the new teachers... I hoped that "even if I keep from participating, I won't become stupid". It was working indeed, and after a while I didn't only feel that I had become altruistic but admired, demanded by all circles of society, with a very busy social life!

Even when going out with friends, I avoided starting discussions about philosophical or political topics ("Who cares about those things anyway?") as I usually did, and instead said "Yes, yes" to anything anyone else said. I didn't use my head anymore, no pros and contras, no critic... just adapting myself to society.
I thought I was becoming altruist...

An alarm was ringing!

And it came out that I was actually not an "altruist" but was transforming into a conform person. It happened when, against my own control, I unconsciously laughed at someone who was suffering - and I noticed that I was doing it just because everyone else [among my friends] was doing it, I think - because that wasn't "me".

I was becomin a copy of everyone else. Like an ant.

My eyes opened even more when I saw my grades falling, but I didn't want to wake up - I was SURE about having finally realized what "real life" was, with so many friends, adventures, fun, etc. and not "only thinking about space, science and the world".

I didn't wake up until I saw the predictions of my final marks, my university rejections, etc. ME, WHO ONCE HAD A+ in ALL SUBJECTS!
I felt pXXXXX off for most of the time; and I think I was even quite discouraged during exams because of that.
Okay, I'm not trying to rant or ask advice about university process, Clearing, Extra etc. but I simply want to portray my stupidity.

I can't complain since it was my own decision to become "more human, more normal" and "get a real life".
And maybe not everyone is so unflexible like me that she or he can't be good at BOTH "School Life" and "Real Life".

But one thing I think that I learned from this experience is that maybe, after all, "Real Life" does NOT mean "Social Extravagance". And Generosity and Respect does NOT mean "Everyone else is right and you must follow them".

Maybe, after all, a "Real Life" is one that you make on your own, where you don't loose your passion and your inner drive out of sight: be it helping your friends, or dreaming AND WORKING to become a rocket scientist...

After this experience, if there are still "more important things in this world than space, school marks, etc." I prefer spending my life with the less important things...

What is your definition of a "Real Life"?

Sapere Aude...

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1
Sorry, I didn't mean this to be only a question, but also a depiction of my experience and why I feel aversion towards the "traditional" 'Real Life'.
Reply 2
Way too long, nobody will reply.

Condense to 2 paragraphs max.
Reply 3
Yes.
Reply 4
I'm not sure whether I let myself be influenced by the stereotype created by my friends&society, or whether I was in a period of vocational altruism


... *bursts out laughing*
Reply 5
What on earth are you talking about?:eek:

:suith: Sezkin:suith:
You two are stupid. If you don't want to read the thread piss off and don't read it.

On the other hand, I enjoyed it. I once went through a similar thing but stopped before it got to this stage. A "real life" is your life - not you trying to live out someone else's life, but a life you enjoy and which you created yourself and if that means enjoying having few friends (but good friends) and doing maths rather than screaming at referees during this convenient time, then that's fine - as is the case for me. Anonymous, I would rep you if I could, but positive rep seems almost not enough for this brilliant post. :smile: Thank you for the interesting read and I hope everything works out the way you want it to now you have another shot at thinking clearly.
Honestly guys if your not gonna read it. Why bother posting that its way too long?

I haven't even begun living my real life yet... Only until the day I'm out of university and into the real world would i consider it as real life, as beforehand your still basically going to university and mixing around.

I would be considered as being a loner in a sense, as in my I don't have extra activities... I don't follow everything my friends do. And Yes I would like to change to a more social life involving others. However that does not mean I am going to ditch my real core of living it just means I'm improving myself.

You should be able to do both to be honest, Work Hard and Play Hard. Its a competition in real life, You letting others have chance might be good for them now, but when they get outside they realises they've been shafted because they're not good enough to be better. They had a more relaxed time.
I dont think that an interest in academic persuits and other intelectual topics makes you a nerd. I like physics and all that kind of stuff and i have never been called a nerd, i am also very in too sport. Its about bieng well rounded.

Diffrent people like diffrent things and you just got to know who you should talk about philosphy with and who to talk aobut football with (or fashion in your case)
Reply 9
I was at a similar stage to you 4 weeks prior to my GCSE's. I knew if i tried i was good enough to get good grades but was getting C's and D's in most subjects. Then, just before it was too late i bought all the revision guides and i haven't looked back since.

I was sacrificing good grades for greater social acceptance but now i've taken on the attitude that i really just don't care what anyone else thinks. Its better to be your own person and just do what you want to do. Whilst this sounds like a narrative from a feel-good hollywood film, it is true and you will always find friends with the same interests and outlook if you look in the right places.
i think i know what you have experienced, so many "intelligent" people just trying to fit in and be someone who they are not. Few people (amongst my peers) seem interested in stimulating intellectual debates and discussions, they would rather make crass jokes. It's like it is cool to pretend to be an imbecile. I have probably completely mis read your post but i think i know what you mean.
I never got to the point where I'd start acting like everyone else. I just accepted the fact that the majority at school weren't the kind of people I wanted to be friends with, then made a load of far better friends with similar interests to me at college.
Reply 12
Sezkin
What on earth are you talking about?:eek:

:suith: Sezkin:suith:


It's obvious isn't it?

Anonymous

I was becomin a copy of everyone else. Like an ant.
kizer
Way too long, nobody will reply.

Condense to 2 paragraphs max.


it's an easy read i'm glad it's not shorter. It's interesting.

Anon1 have you decided what you're going to do? Well done in waking up. It takes some people 50 years so don't be too hard on yourself.
Reply 14
I shall direct you to Schopenhauer:

"There is in the world only the choice between loneliness and vulgarity."

"The less a man is forced to come into contact with others, the better off he is."

:smile:
Reply 15
kizer
Way too long, nobody will reply.

Condense to 2 paragraphs max.



Proved wrong, oh well.

Still the whole post would have been just as good as 'do you think it is worth sacrificing yourself to be accepted by those around you?'

Cue 10 people disagreeing with me.
To Original Poster

I cant say anything much, but I know I am in transition between the two stages. I want to remain in the middle, or maybe move on to the 'social aspect'. The work hard and play hard attitude is best to establish, and this is something I hope to obtain in the near future.
Reply 17
kizer
Way too long, nobody will reply.

Condense to 2 paragraphs max.
...And this is why I generally frequent more 'intelligent' forums. TSR is too full of people who treat it as a chatroom rather than a place for intelligent discussion.

- Yorkie.
Reply 18
Yorkiebar
...And this is why I generally frequent more 'intelligent' forums. TSR is too full of people who treat it as a chatroom rather than a place for intelligent discussion.

- Yorkie.


How an object becomes "too full" is beyond my comprehension; I shall go to the "intelligent forums" to find out!
Reply 19
Lusus Naturae
How an object becomes "too full" is beyond my comprehension; I shall go to the "intelligent forums" to find out!
You know what I mean. A significant proportion of the users here make nothing but short uninformative posts without using proper spelling or grammar, and don't take the time to think about what they're writing. There are plenty of forums out there where bad posting habits such as these are punishable by temporary banning from the forums.