relationships at uni

has anyone got any advice for long distance relationships while at uni? do they work? if not why not, and how can u make them work when the two of u are far away from each other or studying at different unis? x thanks x

Reply 1

planes12

Book train tickets 2 weeks in advance to get cheap ones and then visit them every other weekend and chat on msn, you can do voice chat if you have a mike, which can cost £5

Reply 2

hippieglitter

They don't always work, it really depends how much commitment you have towards each other. My (now ex) boyfriend couldn't be bothered to drive 2 hours to come and see me at uni even though he would still call most nights so i ended up coming home quite regularly and then it got to the stage where he couldn't be bothered to drive 20 mins to come and see me at home so we had to break up, i am now with a fantastic guy who lived a flight of stairs away and next year only a 15 minute walk away. distance makes such a difference. On the other hand you could do what planes said, get train tickets, or if your at my uni plane tickets, make the effort to see each other and talk to each other.

Reply 3

sexysax

They can work if you both are prepared to make the effort for each other. How far away will you be? Keeping in contact via phone, text, msn etc is really important when you're not with each other.

Reply 4

the colour green

im hoping to go to bath and he is hoping to go to bristol so its not a million miles away...but if we dont get the grades ill end up at reading and he will be staying in portsmouth. i really love him how but i know loads of people say staying together is just not realistic at uni because of trust and things x

Reply 5

KuinKra

I've seen LDRs work at university, but in nearly all cases only for a limited time. If you're dedicated enough to each other, there's no reason why anything can't work work.
The problem is, very few people have that level of committment, and even fewer have partners who share that committment. Often people just grow apart - they are spending a good deal of their time around other people and quite often change, altering what kept them with their bf/gf to begin with.

Also, there's the possibility of finding someone at university whom you think you would have so much more with than your current partner. I've seen that happen several times, too.

Overall: sure, they can work, but put the time in.

Reply 6

Talon

My LDR has survived my first year at uni so far and we are still going great. It just depends on the couple. As with K'uin K'ra I have seen some break down and it wasnt pretty. If you love each other you will atleast give it a go. There isnt much more you can do.

Reply 7

kerberos

My ex and I lived across different areas of London and he considered that a LDR (south west London and east London). It was 50 mins tops on the tube! It ended up me being the one to go and see him after uni, the one always calling him (unless you are talking about missed calls or 5 min conversations) but we did use Skype/Gizmo a lot and aim when I ran out of credit and money to call him. It was too much effort for him and we lived within London.

So LDRs can work if you both have the financial means to see each other, spend on mobile phone bills, and are committed and willing (not making excuses) to make it work.

Reply 8

newDana

I was in a LDR for my first year and a half at uni. My bf was at uni 5 hours away by train so we only saw each other every 3 weeks or so. As other ppl have said it's important to talk to each other and that effort is being made by both partners. I also think it's really important to live your own life, to not cancel things with your friends at uni just in case your bf rings you. The easiest way to manage this is to have a regular set time when you speak to your bf, we always spoke to each other every Sunday evening for at least 3 hours on the phone. Obviously we spoke at other times, usually by text or msn, but we were living our own lives.

It was also really important for me to get to know his uni friends. I am a naturally jeaous person, and whilst i trusted my bf i found it hard to trust his friends until i'd got to know them.

Good luck! It's hard, i'm not pretending it isn't. And ultimately my relationship failed, but it was fun whilst it lasted. LDRs can be great, and can really solidify a relationship so good luck!

Bath to Bristol really isn't far - about 2 hours? You'll be fine. Get a student rail card! They're amazing and really save you loads of money.

Reply 9

Angelil

Bath to Bristol is even less than that - think it's about 20 mins.

to the OP - the search button is your friend, there have been loads of threads on this.

I live in England and my boyfriend lives in France and we've survived 18 months of being in an LDR so far. We chat on MSN every night, even when we've got nothing more interesting or eventful to say than what we had for tea. Communication is the most important thing, even with huge gaps (of up to 9 weeks in my experience) in between seeing each other - so chances are, if your relationship ends, it'll be for reasons other than the distance.

Reply 10

demonbuttercup

Bath and Bristol isn't that bad... my boyf and I are planning on staying together, I'll be in Cardiff and him in Swansea which is only a half hour train journey... (probably the same distance as you) so we'll probably see each other twice a week or so. If you're prepared to put in the effort and time to sustain the relationship then it will last, which is still the case even if you live right next to each other! As Angelil said, if it ends it won't be because of the distance.