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    I recently moved to London with my girlfriend, and we're living in a 1-bed flat.
    My Mum and younger sister called last week to say they'd be visiting, and asked if they could stay with us for the weekend, since we've got a spare double bed in our living room.
    Me and my girlfriend had never really discussed guests staying over before; our place is not big by any means, but for some reason I assumed it would be ok just for a night or two, because of the double bed.
    Since hotels in London can be expensive, I felt very bad saying no to them. They called me when me and my girlfriend were together and asked there and then if it was ok to stay. I just told them that we had a spare double bed, and then they said that was fine for them, and they'd call me back later with more details.
    After the first call, I was asking my girlfriend whether she was sure that was ok with her, and she was saying yeah, yeah, in a sort of halfhearted way. I then talked more with my family and they confirmed they'd booked and would be staying for the weekend.
    My girlfriend later seemed in a bad mood, so I asked her what was wrong and she told me that we didn't have a lot of space here and I had not asked her if they could stay. I told her I had asked her and I assumed she was ok with it, because I had talked about them coming in the past and she had never objected.
    I explained that I would have felt terrible to ask my family to go and pay a lot of money for a hotel when they could stay here for free. I acknowledged that it was not ideal, but I suppose I thought that my girlfriend should have been accommodating just for one weekend.
    I also thought that they were my family, not strangers I met in a club or something.
    Me and my girlfriend have been arguing about it for the past couple of days, and I offered to explain to my family that there is not a lot of room here and so they must take a hotel. I still haven't spoken to them about it, I am just finding it very hard to say no to them.
    My girlfriend's family live 2 or 3 miles away from us, so I also asked her if maybe she wouldn't mind stopping there just for the weekend, in order to create more space. She seemed very offended by this and then I realised I may have seemed quite rude.
    I still haven't spoken to my family since and I have no idea what to say or do. Things are not great with my girlfriend either because of this. Who is in the wrong here? And what would be the best solution? Thanks in advance.'
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    Perhaps it was a Littleton far suggesting she move back to her parents house for the weekend.

    However, she's getting worked up over nothing otherwise. It's just a weekend! And your family too.

    Does she get along with your family though?


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    (Original post by Paralove)
    Perhaps it was a Littleton far suggesting she move back to her parents house for the weekend.

    However, she's getting worked up over nothing otherwise. It's just a weekend! And your family too.

    Does she get along with your family though?


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    Yeah I could understand that maybe it seemed like I was 'throwing her out' and I should not have said that. She agreed to it but seemed very unhappy about it.
    I think so, well she's only met them a couple of times really, but they've never had any problems or such.
    Thanks for the advice anyway
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    Anybody else, please?
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    Could you structure your post into paragraphs?

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah I could understand that maybe it seemed like I was 'throwing her out' and I should not have said that. She agreed to it but seemed very unhappy about it.
    I think so, well she's only met them a couple of times really, but they've never had any problems or such.
    Thanks for the advice anyway
    Just because she's never had any active problems with your family, it doesn't mean she gets along with them. If she's only met them a couple of times then she won't feel comfortable around them, and now you're expecting her to live with them (even if it's just for a few days) in a very small flat, where she won't have the option of really spending much time away from them. You did ask her but you asked her in a way that she couldn't say no because you were still on the phone, she wanted you to talk to her about it. I imagine she wouldn't have objected when it was brought up in discussion before because they weren't coming so the situation seemed ages off and she didn't have to deal with it.
    Yes it was rude of you to pretty much tell her to get out of her own flat just so you can accommodate your family, especially when she wasn't on board with it in the first place. Again, I know it's only for a few days but I myself have been put in a similar position and I hated absolutely every second of it. It's not fair at all, and the next time you want someone to stay at your flat, you should talk to her privately about the matter first. It doesn't matter if they aren't strangers, if someone isn't comfortable with it, they're going to hate it.
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    I don't think you're being selfish at all, she is. It's your family and it's also your flat as much as it is hers, you're allowed to have them to stay! Also, it's only for a short amount of time so it'll hardly affect her.

    You should probably have asked her before you said yes to them just so she felt she was involved in the decision making process but really it would not be fair of her to say no at all.

    And you probably shouldn't have asked her to go home while they were there!

    Stick to your guns though, let your family stay, it's completely reasonable.
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    Your girlfriend is being ridiculous. It's your family and it's a day or 2 - in the same way that she'd probably expect to be allowed to stay with you and your family for a couple of days the same applies. And anyway, surely as your gf she should want to get to know the people who are close to you?
    I don't think your suggestion of her moving back for those 2 days was rude either, if she feels uncomfortable you were just presenting her with other options.
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    (Original post by sliceofcake)
    Just because she's never had any active problems with your family, it doesn't mean she gets along with them. If she's only met them a couple of times then she won't feel comfortable around them, and now you're expecting her to live with them (even if it's just for a few days) in a very small flat, where she won't have the option of really spending much time away from them. You did ask her but you asked her in a way that she couldn't say no because you were still on the phone, she wanted you to talk to her about it. I imagine she wouldn't have objected when it was brought up in discussion before because they weren't coming so the situation seemed ages off and she didn't have to deal with it.
    Yes it was rude of you to pretty much tell her to get out of her own flat just so you can accommodate your family, especially when she wasn't on board with it in the first place. Again, I know it's only for a few days but I myself have been put in a similar position and I hated absolutely every second of it. It's not fair at all, and the next time you want someone to stay at your flat, you should talk to her privately about the matter first. It doesn't matter if they aren't strangers, if someone isn't comfortable with it, they're going to hate it.
    If she WAS so uncomfortable she could have moved back for a couple of days - that was the point of OP's suggestion I'm guessing. It's his family, people he is very close to and a caring girlfriend should surely want to meet them and know them as they're a big part of OP's life.
    IMO, SHE'S being selfish, not him.
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    I had sympathy for OP position until he told his gf to move out of her own home so there would be more room for his family to stay that she didnt want there anyway! It should be ok to expect your family can stay for a couple of nights, but you totally should have checked with her first. You do need to sort this out, maybe she is embarrassed about the thought of using the lounge when they are still in bed, or having to wait in her bedroom until they are up. Apologise that you got it (very) wrong, ask what the specific objections are, agree how you will overcome them (like ask your family to wait until you have gone to work in the morning until they shower if she is worried about having to wait to use the bathroom for example, or say as their bed is in the lounge you would prefer if they didnt sleep in etc). You have to hold up your hands and say you were wrong, explain you want to understand her position, and then you can set down some ground rules for future visits.
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    OP,

    Bad call asking her if she could move out to make room for your family. Really bad form there. That would have made her feel pretty worthless and expendable. If you havent already, perhaps you can clear this particular issue with hr ad let her know you didnt mean it in that way.

    However...having said all that, she is being bang out of order kicking up a fuss over this. Of course you have EVERY right to have your own family over for the weekend. Dont let her dictate to you that you cant even have your own family over.

    If she is serious about you, she needs to get used to your family. Whether she likes them or not. They are a part of your life and will continue to be so.

    I would cringe and die if i had to tell my own parents they can't come and stay with me and to book a hotel. No way.
 
 
 
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