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    I would love to be able to feel more beautiful or to be able to just accept the way I look. I hate my low self-confidence and it has plagued me for years.
    I've had some people tell me i'm pretty/good-looking etc. but I just find it hard to believe. I have a big nose, crooked teeth, slight lisp, and I have a problem which makes me produce too much saliva, which can create issues when I speak.
    I have a boyfriend, and he is aware that I am like this. He can give nice compliments sometimes but I think he doesn't like certain stuff about me, such as my hair colour and my general style and my make-up. He makes comments about them in a jokey way, but I think he must say them for a reason. He never says that sort of stuff anymore like wow, you're beautiful, you look gorgeous, etc.
    I am rubbish at applying make-up too and he tries to give me tips and stuff to improve. When I go on facebook I see girls with 40-50 likes on their pictures and tons of comments about how beautiful they are. I believe that if I were really that beautiful, people would react the same to me. My boyfriend had feelings for his friend for years before me, and he had said (before we were together) that she looks like a supermodel. Everyone says how good-looking she is, and when I look at her, I see his 'ideal' sort of look.
    I try to make an effort with clothes and make-up, and to keep in shape, but I feel like I'm not enough for him. I know I must sound ridiculous, but I would really appreciate any advice
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    What you need is to surround yourself with positive, supportive people. Anyone who suffers from low self-esteem should not associate with people who are negative, and say negative things. That being said...I think you're boyfriend should be more complimentary towards you, especially since he knows you are insecure. I find it rude that he makes jokes about your appearance, and that he was giving you tips on how to do your makeup.

    My ex-boyfriend used to poke my stomach as a "joke" and when I would tell him to stop, he would tell me to lose the extra weight that was there. Also, he made a "joke" about me not being able to fit into a smart car. The latter comment he made was on our 2 year anniversary. 2 1/2 weeks later I broke up with him and am so happy that he is no longer in my life, making negative comments.
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    (Original post by DarkShadows08)
    What you need is to surround yourself with positive, supportive people. Anyone who suffers from low self-esteem should not associate with people who are negative, and say negative things. That being said...I think you're boyfriend should be more complimentary towards you, especially since he knows you are insecure. I find it rude that he makes jokes about your appearance, and that he was giving you tips on how to do your makeup.

    My ex-boyfriend used to poke my stomach as a "joke" and when I would tell him to stop, he would tell me to lose the extra weight that was there. Also, he made a "joke" about me not being able to fit into a smart car. The latter comment he made was on our 2 year anniversary. 2 1/2 weeks later I broke up with him and am so happy that he is no longer in my life, making negative comments.
    Thanks for your reply. I put profile pictures of myself on facebook, and he jokingly says they're horrible and laughs. When we first started going out, he seemed really attracted to me. I know it is unrealistic and expecting too much for someone to say stuff like that every single day, but I just feel like he doesn't show any passion towards me with regard to the way I look.
    I have asked him reassuringly if he likes my hair, for example, and he says 'yeah' but in a not-so-convincing voice. He has said he's with me too because i'm a kind person, and I know that looks are not everything, so maybe i'm over-worrying.
    It is quite embarrassing that in my 20s I cannot apply make-up well. It is hard because he knew I used to be insecure about his old crush (that girl I mentioned in my first post) and one day he described his ideal-looking girl, and it fit her description exactly. I also asked him once what his definition of perfect was, and he said, her. It was as a joke but it still hurt.
    I think he loves her kind of clothes style, but not mine. I have worn stuff and he says what on earth is that/those, they're horrible. I just want him to turn around one day and say, you're so gorgeous, I love you. I'm sorry to hear what happened with your ex, and i'm glad you're happier now
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for your reply. I put profile pictures of myself on facebook, and he jokingly says they're horrible and laughs. When we first started going out, he seemed really attracted to me. I know it is unrealistic and expecting too much for someone to say stuff like that every single day, but I just feel like he doesn't show any passion towards me with regard to the way I look.
    I have asked him reassuringly if he likes my hair, for example, and he says 'yeah' but in a not-so-convincing voice. He has said he's with me too because i'm a kind person, and I know that looks are not everything, so maybe i'm over-worrying.
    It is quite embarrassing that in my 20s I cannot apply make-up well. It is hard because he knew I used to be insecure about his old crush (that girl I mentioned in my first post) and one day he described his ideal-looking girl, and it fit her description exactly. I also asked him once what his definition of perfect was, and he said, her. It was as a joke but it still hurt.
    I think he loves her kind of clothes style, but not mine. I have worn stuff and he says what on earth is that/those, they're horrible. I just want him to turn around one day and say, you're so gorgeous, I love you. I'm sorry to hear what happened with your ex, and i'm glad you're happier now
    You SHOULD be hearing compliments on your appearance....my boyfriend tells me fairly frequently that I'm beautiful and gorgeous and how lucky he is to be with me...and he's being sincere. He has never nitpicked my appearance. I'm not saying you should dump your boyfriend, but you should definitely voice your concerns to him, and tell him how his comments have made you feel.

    Also, being poor at applying makeup isn't the worst thing in the world. You're probably not even as bad as you think you are. There are some wonderful tutorials on Youtube that I came across once, I'll see if I can find them and send them to you if you truly want to change how you do your makeup.
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    (Original post by DarkShadows08)
    You SHOULD be hearing compliments on your appearance....my boyfriend tells me fairly frequently that I'm beautiful and gorgeous and how lucky he is to be with me...and he's being sincere. He has never nitpicked my appearance. I'm not saying you should dump your boyfriend, but you should definitely voice your concerns to him, and tell him how his comments have made you feel.

    Also, being poor at applying makeup isn't the worst thing in the world. You're probably not even as bad as you think you are. There are some wonderful tutorials on Youtube that I came across once, I'll see if I can find them and send them to you if you truly want to change how you do your makeup.
    Thanks for the offer, that's very kind I have recently watched some very good tutorials, and that's because my boyfriend made me watch them... ha...
    I'm glad to hear you're happy in the relationship and you receive nice compliments, and you're right, that's how it should be. I must say I'm envious... the last time my boyfriend was truly passionate about me was a month ago when I got very upset because he was threatening to dump me because I apparently do stupid stuff all of the time (such as opening a packet of cheese the wrong way, knocking something over etc.)
    I think I will have a conversation with him though, as you can see, there are many issues.... haha
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    Also, if your boyfriend does not change his behavior, I think you should seriously considering dumping him. You deserve a hell of a lot better than that.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the offer, that's very kind I have recently watched some very good tutorials, and that's because my boyfriend made me watch them... ha...
    I'm glad to hear you're happy in the relationship and you receive nice compliments, and you're right, that's how it should be. I must say I'm envious... the last time my boyfriend was truly passionate about me was a month ago when I got very upset because he was threatening to dump me because I apparently do stupid stuff all of the time (such as opening a packet of cheese the wrong way, knocking something over etc.)
    I think I will have a conversation with him though, as you can see, there are many issues.... haha
    No need to be envious...this is how it can be for you too. The conversation is a step in the right direction.
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    (Original post by DarkShadows08)
    Also, if your boyfriend does not change his behavior, I think you should seriously considering dumping him. You deserve a hell of a lot better than that.
    Things got a little bit better after that time I got very upset. I admit I'm quite clumsy, but he called me a f**king idiot because I opened a packet of cheese the wrong way apparently (??!?!).
    I lack a bit of common sense and I'm a bit ditzy, and I understand this could annoy some people. He said he feels like he's taking care of a kid rather than a girlfriend, but I really do not think I am not bad. I am a little accident-prone but I am not completely invalid, I know how to cook, clean, etc.
    I became a little hysterical and he said he was really sorry. He is just someone who nitpicks a lot, he also got mad at me for delaying us going out by 2 minutes because I wanted to quickly eat a piece of toast, because I was starving. We clash a lot on issues like this, but I don't know how to talk to him, I feel like it will always be the same.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Things got a little bit better after that time I got very upset. I admit I'm quite clumsy, but he called me a f**king idiot because I opened a packet of cheese the wrong way apparently (??!?!).
    I lack a bit of common sense and I'm a bit ditzy, and I understand this could annoy some people. He said he feels like he's taking care of a kid rather than a girlfriend, but I really do not think I am not bad. I am a little accident-prone but I am not completely invalid, I know how to cook, clean, etc.
    I became a little hysterical and he said he was really sorry. He is just someone who nitpicks a lot, he also got mad at me for delaying us going out by 2 minutes because I wanted to quickly eat a piece of toast, because I was starving. We clash a lot on issues like this, but I don't know how to talk to him, I feel like it will always be the same.
    He sounds like the aggravating one, to be honest. Calling you an idiot is another negative comment that is putting you down. This sounds too much like my ex. After reading all of this, I think you really need to evaluate your relationship. To me, it doesn't even sound like it's worth salvaging. There are so many wonderful people out there that you have not yet met, and who could be treating you wonderfully.

    However, I know relationships are not easy to end. I gave my all in my relationship with my ex, and he did not reciprocate.
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    (Original post by DarkShadows08)
    He sounds like the aggravating one, to be honest. Calling you an idiot is another negative comment that is putting you down. This sounds too much like my ex. After reading all of this, I think you really need to evaluate your relationship. To me, it doesn't even sound like it's worth salvaging. There are so many wonderful people out there that you have not yet met, and who could be treating you wonderfully.

    However, I know relationships are not easy to end. I gave my all in my relationship with my ex, and he did not reciprocate.
    Thanks. It's hard because he is often really nice to me, and I think that I must be the cause of everything, and I would probably make anyone angry. I think about giving it all up some days. But we've moved in together, I don't know what's gonna happen there. Our contract doesn't end for a few months yet. I keep waiting for the relationship to change and improve, i'm buying him lots of presents, etc. but it never happens. I don't know what to do.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks. It's hard because he is often really nice to me, and I think that I must be the cause of everything, and I would probably make anyone angry. I think about giving it all up some days. But we've moved in together, I don't know what's gonna happen there. Our contract doesn't end for a few months yet. I keep waiting for the relationship to change and improve, i'm buying him lots of presents, etc. but it never happens. I don't know what to do.
    You have to think to yourself if the positives outweigh the negatives. Would you say you're more happy than unhappy with him? Only if you find that there is more good than bad in the relationship should you continue.

    I found that I was jaded and insecure with my boyfriend. I began to strongly wonder who else was out there, and if I could find something better. And wouldn't you know? I found someone a million times better for me.

    The fact that you're living together shows that you are both committed, yes. But, does it prove that you're meant to be together forever? Not necessarily.

    My advice is just to tell him every single thing that has been bothering you, wait about a month or so, and see if it changes. If nothing changes (or not enough to your liking) break up with him.

    This is just advice...so you don't have to listen to it. But know that you're not trapped in this relationship....there are plenty of wonderful men out there.
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    (Original post by DarkShadows08)
    You have to think to yourself if the positives outweigh the negatives. Would you say you're more happy than unhappy with him? Only if you find that there is more good than bad in the relationship should you continue.

    I found that I was jaded and insecure with my boyfriend. I began to strongly wonder who else was out there, and if I could find something better. And wouldn't you know? I found someone a million times better for me.

    The fact that you're living together shows that you are both committed, yes. But, does it prove that you're meant to be together forever? Not necessarily.

    My advice is just to tell him every single thing that has been bothering you, wait about a month or so, and see if it changes. If nothing changes (or not enough to your liking) break up with him.

    This is just advice...so you don't have to listen to it. But know that you're not trapped in this relationship....there are plenty of wonderful men out there.

    It's very hard, because we do have a lot in common, so we can enjoy the same activities, films etc. But yeah sometimes I feel like he doesn't make much effort. We argued the other day and I felt like it was my fault so I apologised and bought him a present, and he didn't even say thank you or anything. In fact, the words thank you and I'm sorry do NOT exist in his vocabulary. The last time he said the word sorry was a month ago.
    I feel like he just leaves me to plan everything sometimes too. It's hard because with his old crush he kept suggesting places for them to go, things to see etc but I don't feel like he does that with me.
    I admit I can be quite weak and cry easily, and he's so used to that now, so often when I cry he doesn't react, and doesn't comfort me. As I mentioned, he can be really nice and kind to me.
    I tried to tell him all of this a month ago, and it changed, for a couple of days. I also tried to tell him this last year, and he threatened to dump me because I was accusing him of being a bad boyfriend.
    I just think we bring out the worst in each other. Thanks a lot for your advice, and i'll do some serious thinking now.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's very hard, because we do have a lot in common, so we can enjoy the same activities, films etc. But yeah sometimes I feel like he doesn't make much effort. We argued the other day and I felt like it was my fault so I apologised and bought him a present, and he didn't even say thank you or anything. In fact, the words thank you and I'm sorry do NOT exist in his vocabulary. The last time he said the word sorry was a month ago.
    I feel like he just leaves me to plan everything sometimes too. It's hard because with his old crush he kept suggesting places for them to go, things to see etc but I don't feel like he does that with me.
    I admit I can be quite weak and cry easily, and he's so used to that now, so often when I cry he doesn't react, and doesn't comfort me. As I mentioned, he can be really nice and kind to me.
    I tried to tell him all of this a month ago, and it changed, for a couple of days. I also tried to tell him this last year, and he threatened to dump me because I was accusing him of being a bad boyfriend.
    I just think we bring out the worst in each other. Thanks a lot for your advice, and i'll do some serious thinking now.
    I can see that you want a complimentary, loving, and adventurous boyfriend. Don't sell yourself short if your current boyfriend does not conform to this criteria. We should all be able to find exactly the type of person that we want....though I will admit that I am a hopeless romantic lol.

    Good luck with everything, and I hope you reach the best outcome for you
 
 
 
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