She has suffered with depression since we started dating 4 years ago and if anything it seems to be getting worse. She refuses to take any steps to resolve it. Instead she will send me messages telling me she does not see the point in living, threatening to take her life, telling me that I am the only thing she has got in her life and without me she would have nothing. I am finding the pressure too much to handle and on top of that I no longer have feelings for her. We don't have fun together and there is no longer a spark. I have been feeling like this for almost 2 years. Yet because of her vulnerable state and because she feels that I am the only thing she has I don't see how I can walk away from her. Yet I am feeling run down, fed up and even resentful towards her as a result. Advice?
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Cannot deal with my depressed girlfriend any longer.. watch
- Thread Starter
- 11-10-2013 20:41
- 11-10-2013 21:42
I think you're going to have to insist she get some help with this. Sometimes, with depressed people, you have to be a bit mean with them. Tell her its not fair to keep putting this on you and that she needs to get help or face losing you.
Its a difficult one, because I know how guilty you'd probably feel if she left you and she did take her life, which is why you could probably do with getting some help dealing with her.
What is her/your relationship with her family like? Perhaps you should have a word with them about her. She may not like it, but as I said, sometimes you have to be a bit mean. When a person is depressed their thoughts are so distorted. Its a self feeding illness and it can be hard to see the point of helping yourself when you can't really remember how it is to feel ok. Sometimes, you have to do what is best for them and you. Even if it isn't what they want. Be firm with her.
- 12-10-2013 18:28
This thread is.. Hmm
Posted from TSR Mobile
- 12-10-2013 19:28
Tell her what you have told us and help her by talking to her.
- 12-10-2013 19:34
You must feel like you're in a pretty tricky situation. Illnesses like depression can make you unintentionally selfish, dependent and manipulative, to the point you can almost suck your partner dry and bring them down with you if you aren't willing to make an effort. It's a very difficult thing to cope with.
I think the most important thing to do is sit down and talk to her about how you're feeling, and what this relationship is doing to you. You shouldn't have to feel forced into being with her on the threat of her doing something stupid; it's probably a good idea if she gets some professional help with this, especially if after 4 years she's not shown much improvement.
- 12-10-2013 19:34
I had such a situation two years ago - I don't think someone can help her,
my advise save yourself
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- Very Important Poster
- 12-10-2013 20:02
What a difficult situation.
Sometimes, you have to put yourself first. Your health is just as important.
I second having a word with her parents. My friend did this 3 years ago. When he told me what he'd done, I was quite pissed off. He did say that he felt he had no other choice. Now, I do understand why he did it.
- 12-10-2013 20:34
It is difficult because you shouldn't stay in a relationship you're unhappy in but then that could have devastating consequences for her.
She needs to get help and you should tell her how unhappy you are and how important it is to you that she gets some help. If she does get help and gets better, then you might end up wanting to stay with her but if not then at least she'll be in a position where you can end it with her without her doing anything to herself.