Lost my friends?

I overheard my friends yesterday. They are going on a short holiday over the summer. Minus me.

Afterwards, one of my closer friends from the group (who obviously knew I overheard) said to me "Oh, sorry about the holiday thing. The others don't want you to come".

I'm at breaking point. I don't understand what I have done wrong and I feel embarrased and ashamed to be around them anymore. I spent yesterday lunchtime completely by myself as I was too worried they would just spend it discussing "their" holiday and making me feel bad.

I've racked my brains. I can't think what I might have done to upset any of them. Okay, I'm a bit quiet and shy - but I think I've always been there for them and we seemed to get along perfectly fine.

Any advice for me. I'm so upset right now. :frown:

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Reply 1

TrentEnd

i guess you need to speak to them mate...sorry, you male or female?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

But I can't speak to them. I too embarrased to be around them. I just feel like I have been rejected from our "group". I'm male btw.

Reply 3

Austin226

yea talk to them and try and find out whats wrong

Reply 4

generalebriety

Talk to them. If necessary, confront them properly. Or confront them one at a time.

Any friends who do this are bastards. Find out why they're being bastards and we can help more. :smile:

Sorry if this sounds cruel but sometimes friends need a bit of smacking... and then sometimes the people you treat the nicest treat you the worst. The former have a temporary misunderstanding; it's the latter that aren't your friends.

Reply 5

Austin226

ur freinds dont realy sound very friendly which i quess means there not ur friends, think of it like this would ur bestist best mate in the whole wide world treat u like they do if the answer is no then they are probably not ur friends

Reply 6

Austin226

you could always kill them :ts:

if they cant be your friends then no one will be friends with them
ha ha ha (evil laugh)

Talk to them.,

Austin226

would ur bestist best mate in the whole wide world treat u like they do

Some people don't have one of these... or at least think they do because they've never had a better friend, but actually don't because they would be prepared to treat them like this.

Reply 9

generalebriety

Austin226

you could always kill them :ts:

if they cant be your friends then no one will be friends with them
ha ha ha (evil laugh)

You, like me, clearly have personal experience of **** friends. :smile:

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

I can't talk to them. What would I say? I can't face the the fact that I am the "reject".

Reply 11

Austin226

your not the rejet - talk to them you will never know otherwise, sometimes friends can be spiteful could just be a misunderstanding

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

To be perfectly honest, I've just about had enough of my school. My current friends are doing this to me, and it's too late to make new friends. Next year I will just have to survive my final year in sixth form alone and wait until university. Hopefully, then, I can find some proper friends. How sad am I? :rolleyes:

Reply 13

Austin226

its not uncommon some freinds drift appart, nothing is forever

Reply 14

Ywiss

That's absolutely horrible for you :frown:

I know that feeling of being the reject one - the thing that goes through your brain is "Why? Why me? I don't smell, I haven't got leprosy, I'm not mean. Some people in the group are meaner than me - so why am I the one that's excluded?" It's a horrible feeling, and it really, really hurts at the time.

Believe it or not, it does get better. Practically everyone's experienced rejection at some point in their lives, so people are likely to be understanding and sympathetic. Try hanging around with a few different people for a while - it would do your "friends" good to know that they've hurt you. The chances are that there were only space for a few of you on the holiday, and each of them picked you to reject because they were terrified of being rejected themselves. Some of them will feel guilty about leaving you out, and as a result their holiday may not be as fun for them as it would be if you were coming.

And as for your friend saying, "The others don't want you to come,", don't be pulled in by his/her suggestion that he/she didn't have any say in it whatsoever - they could have said something about it, could have made a stand for you, but they didn't. However, the fact that they said sorry to you suggests that they, at least, are feeling guilty, and you could potentially use that to your advantage. I understand that you don't want to confront the whole group about it, but why not ask that friend round to your house on their own one time? Don't mention a thing about the holiday - just watch, and wait...see if they say something, or just see how they act around you.

The most important thing that you have to do in situations like this is to get over your self-hate/self-guilt. It is not your fault. Somewhere along the line, something went wrong with one of the people in that group and they just decided that they didn't like you. It's nothing to do with you. After you've got over that, it can even be mildly entertaining observing how they act. Just try to distance yourself from it.

Perhaps you're feeling as if you have absolutely no friends right now. I can honestly assure you that that's not going to be true. There will always be people in your school who you're comfortable enough with to talk to. There's us on here as well :smile:

It'll work itself out in the end - everything is for the best. You'll find a nice group of people who respect and like you for who you are, and that may or may not encompass some people from the present group who left you out.

Being rejected doesn't make you a reject. Being alone does not make you a loner. Don't let something like this change you or classify you as a person in any way. You sound like a nice, kind and sensitive individual, and I'm sure that many people like and admire you - I know I would if I met you! Do something nice for yourself, away from your friends - watch your favourite program, play a game, go for a walk - anything that makes you happy that's not dependent on other people.

I really hope this works out for you - I can assure you that it'll get easier. In a couple of weeks' time, you won't have to see them again for six weeks, and when you all come back in September, they might have matured more and you'll be a much stronger person. Good luck - feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.

xxx

Reply 15

Anthony Arundel

Anonymous

How sad am I? :rolleyes:

Sad? That doesn't make you sad. :smile:

Many people don't make friends who can be described as true friends until university age (or beyond). School can bring you true friends, but for the most part, it is a superficial place. Don't think you're sad for that.

Firstly, your friends may have talked and come up with some 'clever' reason why you going with them is a bad idea. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't like you. At my school, a group are going to Europe (I declined, other things). They decided not to tell one guy, who is a good friend all the same, because "he gets up an hour after everyone ... he'll fall to bits without adults being within a few metres of him ... and many more reasons." :rolleyes:

They still like him as a person nevertheless.

Secondly, yes, friends can drift apart. As you grow up during adolescence, you change - and they might be doing so as well. Don't worry about it, it doesn't make you an unlikeable person for the remainder of your life.

Reply 16

dynamism

I think this sort of thing is quite common and not too much to worry about. Without them around you've got the chance to meet some new people or improve yourself in another way.

Reply 17

supertramp

I know how you feel. My two best mates are flying to Spain later tonight and I can't go because I have one more exam on Monday and don't turn 18 'til July. Sucks, doesn't it?

Reply 18

orbelina

the bastards. real friends wouldnt do that to you. Let them know that they have hurt you, or they will think they can get away with this kind of thing

Reply 19

cinder

friend
n.
A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.

hmm, don't sound like friends. I say **** them
How can people be so insensitive, did they not give you any reason at all? If not I wouldn't ask but DEMAND answers from them. Let them know how ****ing nasty they are. I know its a scary concept, not knowing how they might respond but you're just gonna feel awful until you know...even if their answer is awful you hve more of a reason to dislike them.
If there response isn't satisfactory I'd start planning revenge...I'm just not a nice person though.

Don't feel bad, everyone has at least one exprience like this.