Turn on thread page Beta
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    So there's this girl I met a while ago, and when I first met her she had a boyfriend. We got on well together and became good friends, and I realised I kinda liked her. Obviously I kept my distance because of the boyfriend, so it was fine in that regard and we continued being friends. She broke up with her boyfriend after a while, and I was there ago. I gave it a while for her to get over it, as I remember what it was like when I broke up with someone after going out with them for a similar length of time.

    Fast forward to now, she must know I like her, because I told her by text late at night once. Lately (she's moved house into the uni town) we've been doing more stuff together like going for dinner and bowling etc. So I text her after one of these very recently asking if we were just going to be friends and she said yes, and that we were good friends. Obviously I'm kinda annoyed about this, because while I value our friendship greatly, and it took a lot for me to tell her I like her in risk of jeopardising our friendship (this was a while ago so it didn't), I just thought there was a possibility of it going further, but evidently she doesn't.

    This isn't a whingey post where I'm blaming her after I was nice to her a few times, I accept her decision but I want to get over it. I've got a great friendship with her, and I don't want this ruined, but I know that it will affect me should she get a boyfriend in the future etc. I really want to stay friends with her because she's the girl I've got on most with in my life, but I'll need to not let my obvious further like of her affect our friendship. How do you think I can get over this?

    I always thought the "friendzone" was a load of rubbish, but now I've apparently found my way into it :holmes:

    Spoiler:
    Show
    Summary:

    Got on well with girl and become friends when she had a boyfriend.

    Eventually broke up with boyfriend, I let her get over it.

    Become really good friends with her and do stuff like bowling/dinner etc.

    I ask if we'll always just be friends and she said yes and that we're good friends.

    I want to get over it and continue the friendship and want advice because I'm a bit annoyed and disappointed.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Hi "anon"

    All I can say is it will probably be a bit easier in the future once you've moved on to someone else yourself. However much you like her now, you will get over it and move on. From the sounds of it, she almost certainly sees your relationship as being 100% platonic, but must really value it - otherwise she wouldn't bother keeping the friendship up so actively when it became clear you wanted different things. So when she says you're good friends, she means it and she isn't going to disappear no matter if either or both of you find someone else again. So really, all you can do is to keep treating her as you would a good friend - maybe distance yourself for a very small while until you come to terms with this, and then just remember that you're lucky to have this strong a friendship with someone There's plenty of fish in the sea, but a friendship where you really do get along so well is in reality far less common and maybe even more valuable than a relationship which may not even have worked. It's understandable you're annoyed, but don't direct this at her even in your mind - it's not her fault any more than your's
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    Ditch her, you won't be happy with the friendship.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Saoirse:3)
    Hi "anon"

    All I can say is it will probably be a bit easier in the future once you've moved on to someone else yourself. However much you like her now, you will get over it and move on. From the sounds of it, she almost certainly sees your relationship as being 100% platonic, but must really value it - otherwise she wouldn't bother keeping the friendship up so actively when it became clear you wanted different things. So when she says you're good friends, she means it and she isn't going to disappear no matter if either or both of you find someone else again. So really, all you can do is to keep treating her as you would a good friend - maybe distance yourself for a very small while until you come to terms with this, and then just remember that you're lucky to have this strong a friendship with someone There's plenty of fish in the sea, but a friendship where you really do get along so well is in reality far less common and maybe even more valuable than a relationship which may not even have worked. It's understandable you're annoyed, but don't direct this at her even in your mind - it's not her fault any more than your's
    Hopefully I can move on, but it'll be hard. I've literally never got on so well with a girl before! I've treated her like a friend for a while now, but I know that it'd affect me if she was to get a boyfriend. I do need to move on, but it's going to be difficult. I don't often get the chance to meet girls (male dominated course at uni, and I'm not really meeting new people apart from them at the moment). I'll have to just do it. I know the whole plenty of fish in the sea, but it's hard with someone I get on so well with to move on, and I haven't really got on that well with most girls in my life (even my ex, I didn't have much in common with her!). Ach well.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hopefully I can move on, but it'll be hard. I've literally never got on so well with a girl before! I've treated her like a friend for a while now, but I know that it'd affect me if she was to get a boyfriend. I do need to move on, but it's going to be difficult. I don't often get the chance to meet girls (male dominated course at uni, and I'm not really meeting new people apart from them at the moment). I'll have to just do it. I know the whole plenty of fish in the sea, but it's hard with someone I get on so well with to move on, and I haven't really got on that well with most girls in my life (even my ex, I didn't have much in common with her!). Ach well.
    It might for a while, but remember you were friends before she had one too And now, you may well be friends for much longer than most relationships last at a studenty age. You'll only be at uni for a couple of years, and then you may well be in a less male-dominated environment. Just don't make this the be all and end all - you've got a good friend, every chance of meeting someone else and I'm sure plenty of other stuff to get on with till it happens. Que sera sera
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Spit in her face and yell at her that you hate her more than anything, then run off crying. She'll definitely realise what a mistake she's made and run after you.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Saoirse:3)
    It might for a while, but remember you were friends before she had one too And now, you may well be friends for much longer than most relationships last at a studenty age. You'll only be at uni for a couple of years, and then you may well be in a less male-dominated environment. Just don't make this the be all and end all - you've got a good friend, every chance of meeting someone else and I'm sure plenty of other stuff to get on with till it happens. Que sera sera
    Yeah I was friends with her when she had a boyfriend before, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't secretly want them to break up Obviously I didn't make this known!

    Your right about the friendship, and I do really value that. I'll just need to find a way to get over it and continue. As you said in your previous post I'm not going to contact her as much for the next few days to try to give myself some time. I've not spoken to her today since she told me this morning. I'll contact her in a few days to continue the friendship. Thanks for the advice btw, I really appreciate it.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah I was friends with her when she had a boyfriend before, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't secretly want them to break up Obviously I didn't make this known!

    Your right about the friendship, and I do really value that. I'll just need to find a way to get over it and continue. As you said in your previous post I'm not going to contact her as much for the next few days to try to give myself some time. I've not spoken to her today since she told me this morning. I'll contact her in a few days to continue the friendship. Thanks for the advice btw, I really appreciate it.
    No problem, I hope it all works out for you PM me if you need to talk about anything!
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    You're going to accept you've been friend zoned my friend, it's a good sign to be on friendly terms with girls. If I were you I may consider winding down (I assume the main reason you spent so much time together was to go further?)

    If she's smart she'll understand, make sure you keep on good terms with her, I wouldn't be concerned.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 16, 2013
Poll
Have you ever experienced bullying?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.