The Student Room Group

Very long distance relationships/friendships

Right, this is kinda a long story, so if you're the type who reads the first sentence of a long post then posts saying something is too long, leave now.

There's this guy I met online a few years ago, and we used to be a 'couple' (if you could be that without having met someone haha, we had talked on the phone loads and were gonna meet up, but he lived in a different country so it was kinda tricky). We broke up about 2 years ago, then went for a while without talking, but recently we've started emailing and talking loads again.

The thing is, I'm totally falling for him again. And I think he might be for me too, but it's hard to tell. Back when we were younger our parents would tell us we were just being young and silly, that it was impossible to be together living in different countries etc, and that we just htought we were 'in love'. I totally see where they were coming from, but still two years later, when we've both grown up and changed loads, we're still really alike, and we get on so well, there's just no one like him I know here. We were talking the other day and he said ''wouldn't it be funny if we ended up together after all?'', and I mentioned that the whole ocean thing does get in the way, to which he relied that it would certainly be a pretty big antagonist.

Which got me thinking - it doesn't just 'happen' that two people living on opposite sides of an ocean get together, does it? It'snot just going to somehow work without one/both of us specifically making the effort to go to the other side?

Hmmm I've just read this back and it's a bit of a rambling mess, so congrats to anyone who's got this far. I'm just a tad confused. What do people think about this situation, do you think it's worth specifically trying to meet up (there are loads of possible ways of doing this now that we're both older, I'm 18 and he's nearly 20)? Or do you think it should just be left to fate, as it'd be pretty hard to maintain a relationship in different countries? Although I suppose if we did get together one or the other of us would move, both being keen travellers.

I guess I just feel like this guy is one in a million and if we've got this far (been through a lot in the past few years lol) and are still on excellent terms and all that, it'd be a shame to just let it fade away and not try to do anything about it.... though it'd be difficult.

Sorry for the messiness and repeativeness of this post :redface: Advice would really be appriciated though. :redface:
Reply 1
Meh, my cousin met someone on the net, n moved over there...
Now they're married...
However they are slightly older...
Meet up?

Irritates me when people use "Long distance relationship" to mean "Online relationship" - because it is, but I think online relationships should be kept distinct from normal ones where the two people are just away from each other for a while.
Reply 3
My point was that it'd become a long-distance one if we did meet up.
Reply 4
Anonymous
Which got me thinking - it doesn't just 'happen' that two people living on opposite sides of an ocean get together, does it? It'snot just going to somehow work without one/both of us specifically making the effort to go to the other side?

Au contraire, it does.
I've said this on lots of other threads so sorry to all those that already know this.
My boyfriend was at my uni from 2003-2004. I arrived here in 2004 and we met via the uni internet forum. He lives in France, I live in England. This was in November 2004. By December 2004 we'd both acknowledged that we had feelings for each other and in February 2005, I flew to Paris to meet him, where he was on part of his Masters course. We had the best weekend ever :biggrin: and we count ourselves as having been together since December 2004.
So yes, it can work, if both of you are prepared to make it work. What sort of distance are you talking about? Is he in Europe, America...?
I'm planning to move to France in 2008 or 2009, and I know that's a long time to wait but we both know it's worth it. I hope it works out for you too.
Reply 5
Angelil
Au contraire, it does.
I've said this on lots of other threads so sorry to all those that already know this.
My boyfriend was at my uni from 2003-2004. I arrived here in 2004 and we met via the uni internet forum. He lives in France, I live in England. This was in November 2004. By December 2004 we'd both acknowledged that we had feelings for each other and in February 2005, I flew to Paris to meet him, where he was on part of his Masters course. We had the best weekend ever :biggrin: and we count ourselves as having been together since December 2004.
So yes, it can work, if both of you are prepared to make it work. What sort of distance are you talking about? Is he in Europe, America...?
I'm planning to move to France in 2008 or 2009, and I know that's a long time to wait but we both know it's worth it. I hope it works out for you too.

Aww I'm so glad it worked out with you and your bf :smile:
But you did actually go there specifically to see him, right? It wouldn't just happen that we somehow ended up together without making an effort?
I'm prepared to make it work, but I'm just not sure what he even thinks, as I haven't mentioned this to him yet. We're talking America here... so very long distance :frown: But there's loads of ways we could be together... his uni does years in england, mine does years in america, theres the summer etc... I just dunno :frown:
Reply 6
Of course you have to make an effort...like in ANY relationship regardless of the distance. I'd have thought that was a no-brainer.

Yes, I did go there specifically to see him.