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    My best friend and I have been mates since we were like 5 and we do everything together but she takes me for granted a lot of the time but she's my friend so I over look It.

    But the other day I was at home and I got a call from my boyfriend and he told me he had seen my best friend out with my ex boyfriend, looking cosy, holding hands etc. I came out immediately to see for myself and it was true. They were together. They then proceeded to make things really awkward the whole evening between my boyfriend and me. To make things worse my best friend and current boyfriend don't get on.

    I then found out the next morning they had gone and stayed at hers for the night together. I thought her whole behavior was totally unacceptable as a best friend should never get involved with your ex. She didn't even talk to me about it first and ask if I was ok with it.

    I just want to know what anyone else would do in this situation. Am I being paranoid or is she in the wrong. I don't have feelings for my ex at all and my boyfriend agrees with me that best friends just shouldn't get with your ex.

    It's been over a week now and we haven't spoken. What should I do?


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    I totally agree with you that she is out of order.
    I'm even best friends with one of my exs and although there are no feelings anymore other than friendship (we broke up like 3/4 years ago) we have a very strict rule that we can not see each others friends.

    Perhaps you should bring it up with her? Even though she didn't ask you, doesn't mean that she won't step back if you make it clear that you are not ok with it.
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    Oh thank god you agree. I was so afraid I was being paranoid and I know it's "the rule" not to see each other's wax but I didn't know if that was childish and immature but I just think her whole behavior towards it was unacceptable. She told me I had the issues not her and that I'm clearly still inlove with my ex by the way I reacted.

    I've spoke to her briefly and tried to explain but it just ended in an argument. Maybe I should wait till we are both a little bit calmer before I re approach the subject


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    No, i think she should have definitely talked to you first about dating your ex.

    Looks like you now know she doesnt regard your feelings much, or care about you as much as you do/did her.

    Sorry about that.

    I wouldnt contact her anytime soon. Wait till she comes to you.
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    Yeh I haven't been contacting her. She's trying to make small talk now and try and get back into my life and talk about it but I've already spoken to her about it and have nothing more to say.

    Do you think I should talk to her now it's been over a week? I'm still so furious


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    Have you told her how you feel but a calm manner. I.e. try to reach out to her as a friend. You're in the right here imo and she should have at least told you :sadnod:
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    IMO the only thing they did wrong is to make you feel uncomfortable. It's ridiculous to say that you can't date someone just because you used to date their friend


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    You are certainly not being paranoid- your best friend should have spoken with you first. You should question her about it. In my opinion, not talking about things only makes things worse and once you don't speak up, most people take it as a "pass" to do what they please to you, as cynical as this sounds I have realised it is true. You have a right to be angry with her about it, the fact that she is your best friend only adds insult to the injury. Nevertheless, I hope you are doing well as people will always mess up but don't let it bother you too much.

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    You should make it clear to her that it's not okay and bring up 'the rule' but I have a feeling that she won't listen and still date him. Then you should just ditch her and find better best friends. She should've spoken with you about it first, who just goes along without asking their friends?

    She is most definitely in the wrong and you're not being paranoid.


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    I don't see the problem, you have no feeling for your ex so why is she not allowed too? Unless he did something that bad to you I don't see the problem with it.

    If you found out your current boyfriend was her ex back in the day you wouldn't stop having feeling for him (just an example)

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    I mean, you can't really help feelings you develop for someone, but she definitely should have spoken to you about it first. It's not an unreasonable expectation to at least be told that she likes him.
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    I disagree with the fact she shouldn't be allowed to date him. That's a bit harsh, but yea, maybe she should have told you rather than you finding out like that and proceeding to make you uncomfortable.
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    Either she hasn't heard of "the rule" or, like me, thinks it's overblown. If she did anything wrong, it was letting you find out instead of telling you herself. If you still had feelings for the ex, it might be different, but as she's your best friend you've probably told her that no such feelings exist. Are you seriously contemplating that she has to choose between you and your ex? If her parents were telling her who she could/couldn't date you'd be on her side, but now it's you trying to control her life. Invite her round for coffee and make up.
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    Ok. I do wanna make up with her. I just wanna make sure it doesn't happen again. Or at least let her know how much it upset me and to ask her that in the future she has the curtesy to let me know. Not just about that but about anything


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