The Student Room Group

Are my parents too strict.

i'm a 19-year-old girl. My friends always sometimes ask me to go out with them to the Pub just to have some good time together but i never be able to attend any of them because my parents (especially my dad ) wouldn't let me. They see the place as a place where only non-proper people are there, i mean they will say you're a good person if u don't go to the pub. But what i am want to do is just to have some good time with friends; not to drink alcohol! I'm pissed off as people in my age are allow to go out( not just the pub) whenever they want. If i want to go out i'll get lots of hastle, and that's why i alway say no to my friends why they ask me out cus i know the outcome. Also, my dad is not ready to accept me having a bf, my mum is ok bout it(cus she said she understands). Last night we watched a TV programme, we saw a women with a flabby skin after given birth to her child and she had to take plastic surgery. My mum said the why she kept her skin nice was by putting lotza lotion when she was pregnant (and that work), so i said jockingly "luckily u tell me now, i dun want to have falbby skin after having a baby." then my dad turned around and looked at me in an unhappy face and said ""you don't have a boyfriend, have you?" i said "no!" he went:" then, dun even mentin about getting pregnant." i was so annoyed at that moment. I don't know when he'll accept the fact that i would like to have a bf!?! I wouldn't be able to be with those that i like JUST BECAUSE MY PARENTS are NOT READY YET! I think this is why all my parents' brother and sisters marry at the old age (at least 28+) and that's with their first bf/gf.

I appologise for long post but i need to get tese out of my chest if not i'll die soon.

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Well, as good as your English is, you don't seem to be a native speaker. Where are you from?

I say that because if you were English I would say your parents were too strict. If on the other hand you come from a very strict culture who has been exposed to less strict cultures through the internet maybe you should consider breaking off from your parents. I mean, maybe they just don't want you going out and getting drunk so that you don't bring your friends back one night and trash the place, or come in at 3am and throw up. Maybe if you lived somewhere else they'd be ok about it. Maybe they don't want you having a boyfriend so you don't come in one night and start having sex while they're trying to sleep. It's hard for parents to accept their kids growing up, and yes, in our culture they would have to cut the cord, but in some cultures they may not want to and may feel it is their right to keep you on a tight leash.

So, where are you from?

Edit: oh, and 28 is old for your first boyfriend/girlfriend, it's certainly not old to be getting married at 28. :eek:
Ah.. abit way over the top. Are you asian?
Reply 3
yeah, I'am an asian. I just notice some mistakes i did in my post. I came from a muslim country but we are non-muslim so we are allow to drink.

Do u think being a first child could be the reason as well? My younger brother have more freedom than i have, and that's not fair!!! I think my parents are a bit of sexist as well!!!:mad:
I know very little about the Asian culture, but I think really you don't have a choice in getting on with your parents - it would be seen as an insult to every tradition they and their ancestors (parents, grandparents, etc.) have upheld for generations. You could, of course, move out...
Erm.. I'm sorry but you just have to live with it. There's no concept of moving out in your culture aswell and you'd be instantly labelled an outcast.. So yeah.. You can either move out and never look back, or just stick with it and live your life according to your parents wishes.
I think it's more down to sexism to be honest. You know how it is in the asian community - boys are often favoured and allowed to get up to all sorts.

The way in which your parents treat you is understandable - they were probably brought up in a strict way. They need to get used to you going out more - don't turn down your friends, instead just ask them straight out. Hopefully, they'll get used to it. Why don't you arrange going out somewhere else besides a club or pub? Surely they'll have no problem with you going out to....say, the cinema.

For asians, 28 is definately old for getting married. I'd say you reach 30, you are no longer considered marriage material!

So, are you at uni at the moment? Living at home? I'd ask to live out for at least a year
Reply 7
Errm. I couldnt be bothered to read the posts, but if your parents stop you doing anything you want to do at 18 + that a copper wouldnt stop you doing, they are too strict. Stick two fingers up and do what you want.
^ That is a very ignorant post. That may be acceptable to do in an English family, but not in an Indian one. Perhaps you should read all the posts
allymcb2
Errm. I couldnt be bothered to read the posts, but if your parents stop you doing anything you want to do at 18 + that a copper wouldnt stop you doing, they are too strict. Stick two fingers up and do what you want.


Exactly. In fact, the problem is not that they're too strict, the problem is, why are you listening to them when you're an adult yourself?
Reply 10
PrinceOfCats
Exactly. In fact, the problem is not that they're too strict, the problem is, why are you listening to them when you're an adult yourself?


seconded
allymcb2
Errm. I couldnt be bothered to read the posts, but if your parents stop you doing anything you want to do at 18 + that a copper wouldnt stop you doing, they are too strict. Stick two fingers up and do what you want.

Can't say I've ever agreed with your posts much but today you seem to be going for the "can't be arsed to think" lazy debate. The OP's parents, grandparents, great-grandparents etc. have upheld their traditions for years and anyone breaking off from it would be almost certainly instantly abandoned by the family. It's not just a case of saying "I'm 19, **** you" and her parents getting used to the idea. It may be a sexist culture, and unfair by our standards, but that doesn't mean her parents will, or will want to, "snap out of" their culture.
Reply 12
Trust me, if i move out, that means i'm drawing a line between me anf my family. And that will be the end of us. My dad even asked me not to marry guys from certain country because of the bad record their friends experienced. I thought "are you going to marry him or me?!". See, he's now involving in my choice of guys as well!!!
Reply 13
DartsOfPleasure
^ That is a very ignorant post. That may be acceptable to do in an English family, but not in an Indian one. Perhaps you should read all the posts


If its not acceptable to your family, then disown them. Just because you happen to have the same genes and were physically dependent on them for a few years does not oblige you to stay in touch with them, speak to them or listen to them. I am well aware of what happens in indian culture and it is the repulsive result of girls allowing it to happen.
No, it's the result of thousands of years of tradition. Also, disowning your family isn't something you do lightly. I can't stand my family and would love to cut the cord but it's not an easy thing to do. Moving out would mean, as the OP said, drawing a line between her and her family, forever. It's a tough decision.
Reply 15
DartsOfPleasure
The way in which your parents treat you is understandable - they were probably brought up in a strict way. They need to get used to you going out more - don't turn down your friends, instead just ask them straight out. Hopefully, they'll get used to it. Why don't you arrange going out somewhere else besides a club or pub? Surely they'll have no problem with you going out to....say, the cinema.

For asians, 28 is definately old for getting married. I'd say you reach 30, you are no longer considered marriage material!

So, are you at uni at the moment? Living at home? I'd ask to live out for at least a year

I did went out with my friends to cinema and shopping. And that was for special occations like birthdays(theirs not mine). Can u believe me not getting anything from them on my 18th birthday?! Not even a card:frown: .

Guess what, my aunt is in her 40s or 30s(close to 40s), she's still not married yet and is just going out with another old guy like her.

I'm not in Uni but will be soon. I obviously going to stay in accomodation, but my mum did mention about moving to the place so that i'll stay with my family!!! (WTF!) i was like "No !"
Reply 16
generalebriety
No, it's the result of thousands of years of tradition. Also, disowning your family isn't something you do lightly. I can't stand my family and would love to cut the cord but it's not an easy thing to do. Moving out would mean, as the OP said, drawing a line between her and her family, forever. It's a tough decision.

Yeah, that's what i meant.
You sound like you want to move out then. Would you be able to if you did?

Edit: and why did you not get anything on your 18th? :eek:
Reply 18
generalebriety
No, it's the result of thousands of years of tradition. Also, disowning your family isn't something you do lightly. I can't stand my family and would love to cut the cord but it's not an easy thing to do. Moving out would mean, as the OP said, drawing a line between her and her family, forever. It's a tough decision.


It was in Britain too. But we had this thing called the feminist movement. Girls, you have had the benefit of being born into a post-feminist culture, so catch up already! I dont see whats so hard about leaving a group of people who restrict your life to that extent.
Gah!

Just because you happen to have the same genes and were physically dependent on them for a few years

I could start a whole new thread about this comment! A lot of what you have now is due to your parents. I can't believe how selfish some people are when it comes to family. My parent's have done so much for me and I respect them fully, even if we do have our disagreements. I'm sure yours have sacrificed a lot for you too

Hopefully, things will improve once you go to uni. Did your mum sound serious when she said that? I highly doubt that will happen - after all, won't your brother have to change school and all that? What about your parents job?

It's hard...I know. It's physically impossible to just work all the time, they need to understand that you need to go out too! I think that next time they create all the hassle, ask them what their fears are. Ask what the main reason for not letting you go out is, but in a kind manner mind you.