The Student Room Group

would you be upset about this?

Yesterday it was my birthday and my so-called best friends didnt even bother texting me or phoning or anything to wish me a happy birthday. I think its a bit out of order, especially as people I hardly know bothered - and theyre not even really my friends.

Ive been feeling used by them for a while, as since we left college they havent bothered with me coz its like they dont have to keep me as a friend anymore in case they need help with college work etc. A few months ago when it was their birthdays, I went out of my way to see them and bought them cards and presents and everything. I feel a bit hurt that they cant be bothered to even acknowledge mine.

Do you think I'm overreacting? I just feel really down and disappointed that people who I thought were good mates of mine dont really give a crap about me. They're always openly there for eachother - comforting eachother when one of them is down about something - but it seems like theyre never there for me anymore when I need them.

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They might have reasons... in year 11 on my birthday so many people were taking advantage of cheap pre-6-weeks holidays that when I tried to organise a celebration I had about 3 people turn up.

Why not make friends with the other lot instead? :smile: It seems they actually care about you.
I would be just as upset as you are! The best thing to do is confront them - but don't fight! If they apologise and have a good reason, and seem to mean it, then yeah maybe they were just busy, but if they just shrug it off and mumble an apology, I'd think this; many friends (including most of mine when i left!) don't feel the need to remain friends, they drift away; when you're together all the tme its easier to be friends ith people you wouldn't be if you didn't see them. I found that the hard way! :biggrin: so i know how you're feeling.
Hope it all works out! :biggrin: xxx
Welcome to life, things like this always happen. Don't think you're the only one. A lot of people are cruel and selfish, and won't hesitate to kick you aside as soon as they have no more use for you. I've had plenty of "friends" stab me in the back quite a few times.

Consider this experience a lesson learnt, and move on. Stuff those lot now, and go make some real friends. There are some really good people out there too, surprisingly.
Yeah I would be upset if my friends never bothered to remember my birthday. I think that’s really selfish and wicked of your friends to not even text you or at least ring you. There a lot of people who just like using people then pretend that you don’t exist. Don’t put yourself down because of this just put it down to experience and make some other friends.
Reply 5
My fiance forgets my birthday every year.
On my brithday, my freinds mostly said happy brithday to me at school or those from my old school said it on msn, i only had 2 people text me happy birthday. Its impossible to say dont be upset because if it upsets oyu it upsets you, but i dont think its worth mentioning to her at all, just let it go, its no big deal really.
....which is why i dont celebrate birthdays. if you dont expect anything theres nothing to get upset or annoyed about.
Reply 8
I hate my birthday for that reason. It's right after New Year, and people just don't bother at all. I organised just a girly get together this year, a week after New Year. A few people couldn't make it, and text me to say so. Others decided to go to another party, and I was stupidly hurt. Now I guess it just shows who my real friends are. And shows you the same thing.
Reply 9
i had a problem sort of like this with my mate.

ive been friends with her since she was one, i was two. we are BEST mates, seriously like twins.

on the day before my 18th, she texted me saying happy birthday and asked me what i got. i was a bit shocked as she has had about 16 years of practicing when my birthday is...

anyway, on the night before my 18th, i went out for a meal with her and a few other friends. she texted her boyfriend all through the meal and then at ten oclock (just as our plates were being taken away) she tells me shes going home. i later find out she left my 18th and went to her boyfriends house. (they have been going out for 8 months)

i was so hurt by this, she could have stuck out the night for me. it was such a great night as well, it was well talked about in our year (even by those who werent there) as a few legendary things happened. anyway, i just feel hurt y her for leaving, especially when its supposed to be her best mates 18th. she wasnt working the next day or anything, she stayed at her boyfriends.

i phone dher mum the next day (to say thanks for my gift) and she picked up and said "sorry i left i just wasnt getting into it".

i hung up and we havent spoken since.:frown:
hello_its_me_
i had a problem sort of like this with my mate.

ive been friends with her since she was one, i was two. we are BEST mates, seriously like twins.

on the day before my 18th, she texted me saying happy birthday and asked me what i got. i was a bit shocked as she has had about 16 years of practicing when my birthday is...

anyway, on the night before my 18th, i went out for a meal with her and a few other friends. she texted her boyfriend all through the meal and then at ten oclock (just as our plates were being taken away) she tells me shes going home. i later find out she left my 18th and went to her boyfriends house. (they have been going out for 8 months)

i was so hurt by this, she could have stuck out the night for me. it was such a great night as well, it was well talked about in our year (even by those who werent there) as a few legendary things happened. anyway, i just feel hurt y her for leaving, especially when its supposed to be her best mates 18th. she wasnt working the next day or anything, she stayed at her boyfriends.

i phone dher mum the next day (to say thanks for my gift) and she picked up and said "sorry i left i just wasnt getting into it".

i hung up and we havent spoken since.:frown:



ahh, thats a real shame after being friends for so long. although nothing big has ever happened to me 2 cause any real friendship problems, i understand how you feel.. i guess you may be a little sensitive like me and probably give a lot in friendships. however sometimes i've learnt you can't expect to get the same back, some people just aren't capable of our high standards :wink: it is a bit out of order that she sat there texting her boyfriend the whole night, some girls are like that though with their boyfriend.. is she usually like that?
they might be organising a surprise party for you and might use not contacting you as a fascade! You never know..!
But then again, if you genuinely feel 'used' then whats the point being with them? As someone else said, it looks like the other people you dont really know care about you more, so maybe change your hang-out group instead.
Definately disappointing and you have every right to be sad.. cheer up, we care for you :smile:
Reply 12
lucy_locket88
ahh, thats a real shame after being friends for so long. although nothing big has ever happened to me 2 cause any real friendship problems, i understand how you feel.. i guess you may be a little sensitive like me and probably give a lot in friendships. however sometimes i've learnt you can't expect to get the same back, some people just aren't capable of our high standards :wink: it is a bit out of order that she sat there texting her boyfriend the whole night, some girls are like that though with their boyfriend.. is she usually like that?



in the last couple of months she has been a bit like that but not so bad.

i love your morals... have some pos rep :smile:
Reply 13
My college friends did the exact same thing. Last time i saw them was 5 years ago, tried arranging to meet up and things and it just hasnt happened.
Reply 14
Anonymous
Welcome to life, things like this always happen. Don't think you're the only one. A lot of people are cruel and selfish, and won't hesitate to kick you aside as soon as they have no more use for you. I've had plenty of "friends" stab me in the back quite a few times.

Consider this experience a lesson learnt, and move on. Stuff those lot now, and go make some real friends. There are some really good people out there too, surprisingly.

:ditto:, couldn't have said it much better. It's true. Don't let yourself get too affected by this though, please.
alexandra
they might be organising a surprise party for you and might use not contacting you as a fascade! You never know..!
But then again, if you genuinely feel 'used' then whats the point being with them? As someone else said, it looks like the other people you dont really know care about you more, so maybe change your hang-out group instead.
Definately disappointing and you have every right to be sad.. cheer up, we care for you :smile:


Suprise parties are over hyped, some freinds of mine where aranging a suprise party for a freind, they know each other far better then i know them. Well when the person whom we are meant to be suprising comes in, they didnt look at all suprised, they just looked rather indiffernt to us being there. Thou maybe it was the 5 second lag between her walking in and us shouting suprise, if by us i mean sevral people not includeing me :p:
Reply 16
I would definately be angry! It's totally out of disorder!
hello_its_me_
in the last couple of months she has been a bit like that but not so bad.

i love your morals... have some pos rep :smile:



i'm probably being extremely stupid here but what's ''pos rep''? positive repuation?although with that guess, i don't understand the sentence lol! :smile:
It depends how u want to view this.

In my group of mates theres a 'thing' about eveyrone trying to be the first person to txt the birthday girl/boy at midnight, therefore everyone does it! But if in your group of well, so called 'mates' txting isn't such a big deal then dont make it one.

I still think they should have made some effort though. Maybe give them a call and let them know its upset you, and if they seem apologetic (genuinely) then it may not be sucha big deal, but if they dont give a flyin **** then they aint worth it at all. Friends should always want to wish eachother a happy birthday and buy each other presents etc, so find out why, u never know they could be planning you a surprise party..
Sianey
I hate my birthday for that reason. It's right after New Year, and people just don't bother at all. I organised just a girly get together this year, a week after New Year. A few people couldn't make it, and text me to say so. Others decided to go to another party, and I was stupidly hurt. Now I guess it just shows who my real friends are. And shows you the same thing.


bieng honest here i've just done that to a mate of mine...its her 18th today (i did txt her) but her party's not till the 1st July. which is the same night as my summer ball at college.....i know this sounds really mean but i decided to go to the summer ball instead of her party, because its the last time most of us from college are all going to be together. and the ball was organised first. so although its wrong, i think sometimes it is justifiable.

i'm not trying to excuse what your mates did, as i can imagine how much it'll hurt not havin your birthday acknowledged. but maybe its because its during the exam period( i'm assuming you're in yr 11/13) and is down to stress. cos i very nearly forgot to text one of my mates on her birthday this month (16th june) as it was smack bang in the middle of A-levels and i was going crazy with revision.....my point, don't get angry, ask them about it first then if they have no clear reason, you have every right to get angry, i know i would. good luck x x