Parents with high expectation

10

I'm not naturally bright like my brothers. My parents have extremely high expectations for all of us.

My eldest brother has graduated university, have a decent job, quite well paid, just bought a house, basically he has got his life together. But my parents are still very depressed and disatisfied with him because he is in the IT field (my parents discourage us to work in the IT field) and he did not study medicine (they wanted him to study medicine, but he rebeled against it and now they are kind of forcing my other brother to study medicine), and he's really stingy with money.

My worry is, my parents are so disatisfy with him that I know it would be worst with me. All I want to do is to make my parents proud of me. But, with all my acedemic achievements, I can't even guarentee I would achieve what I want, let alone my parents'.

pfft... Chinese parents!

Reply 1

CorpusNinja

15

i would have thought your happiness would rate high amongst their priorities. evidently not. and what's wrong with the IT field? if you're good at something go all the way surely?
also seems like parents opinions of you are central to your life. doesn't have to be like that you know.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

My parents also have unreasonable expectations of me. They make me feel as though I will have failed if I dont get into oxbridge- and they only have 2 gcse's between them!. They only do this though because they want the best for me. Anyway, I find the pressure quite motivating.

Reply 3

Sanity Panda

In the end I'd think they do care about your happiness, although that doesn't mean they can't be disappointed either.

I think the main thing that you can do is get them to realise that you don't like the pressure they're giving you. Make them realise that you can't achieve their expectations and its getting you down.

They'll eventually come to realise, my parents just hope I perform my best now rather than achieving X grade. I have chinese parents too btw, so I can see where your coming from.

Reply 4

ash86

You know I'm Indian, and it's the same story (well not really and i'll explain why). You see every parent's want their child to be THE best and second to none. They get dissatisfied if you dont try and mess up and make a complete mess of yourself when you know you could have done a lot better...but if you have tried and tried and what you have achieved so far is from hard work and with such aim to satisfy your parent's then they are never dissapointed of you...ofcourse every1's parent's say you know I wish my son did better cause they only want you to do better no matter what your limitations but they are not "dissapointed" with you. So dont worry about dissapointing themm, infact do what you do best, carry on doing it, and make them proud by being the best in what you do.

Good Luck
God bless

Reply 5

allymcb2

8

I can understand why they would have high standards but actually trying to dictate in WHICH field you made your achievements is just them being controlling and prestige grabbing ignore them.

Reply 6

Just some guy

10

Follow your own dreams - your parents will hate you for it but it's the best thing to do in the long run - you can live your life for your parents. Just be direct, they can't vent at you forever.

I kind of know what it's like - my Brother's at Cambridge and about to become a professional singer, and my Dad wanted me to follow in his footsteps but I just don't enjoy singing, so I after a while I just refused to sing. I'm now about to study Physics ( :biggrin:

) at Southampton and it's taken a while but he now realises I'm doing what I have a passion for and that's it's probably for the best.

Good luck with it all, try and get them to understand that Medicine isn't the only respectable profession there is!

[edit]or you can just do what my Dad did and run away to another country :p:

[/edit]

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

Anonymous

My parents also have unreasonable expectations of me. They make me feel as though I will have failed if I dont get into oxbridge- and they only have 2 gcse's between them!. They only do this though because they want the best for me. Anyway, I find the pressure quite motivating.

I know how you feel. I got into Ox and my parents are on about all the financal prizes that are available for best degree and student journalism etc. They are going to think they wasted their money if I leave with a 2.1. (Only 10% get firsts). Methinks they are gonna be disappointed....

Reply 8

graveyarddreams

13

I understand how you feel. My family's chinese too, and though they are perhaps no where near as strict as the average chinese household (well, compared to the other chinese familie's i've come across anayway), they do have high expectations. They have an oxbridge or nothing mentallity which greatly pisses me off, as i know there's no way i'll ever get into oxbridge. They gave the impression that i'm a total faliure. Also it doesn't help that all their friend's kids pass their GCSEs with however many hundreds of A*s, and they hear them boast about how their kids got into oxbridge with no problems at all, so i appear quite inferior in comparison. They also try to persuade me to do Chemistry related subjects, and i cannot even bear thinking about carrying on with Chemistry after A levels. I can't live up to their expectations, i realised that a long time ago. Like you, I feel constantly like i can't even achieve what i want for myself. But i'm trying. My advice is, with whatever pressure and limitations your parents have put on you and your life, strive to do what inspires you. (Unless you aim to be rich, then perhaps a doctor is best :biggrin:

. )

Reply 9

NeverBeNormal

Im chinese too! Wow we should make a new TSR club :biggrin:

Anyways onto the subject at hand: I have to say that my parents also seem to have a ridiculous expectation of me and my brothers getting amazing grades ie. A's in every subject. They also wanted me to do medicine but I told them a doctor's a lot of responsibility and that I didnt think im fit to be one. They said who cares a doctors an easy job and i was just awestruck and silent for a good long while before i responded to that. Seems chinese parents have an obsession with medicine (chinese guy at my school lives near me and hes planning on doing medicine...although i think its cuase his parents are telling him to)

It seems chinese parents boss their children alot even though my parents arent really that strict although they are always annoying me about saying im soooo disobedient just because i dont do wat they tell me to do 100% of the time: its absolutely absurd. I am your son, true, but i am first and foremost a human being with all the rights and priveliges associated with it and that includes freedom.

The one difference between me and the other 2 chinese posters here is that...well...i do tend to get the grades >< I'm pretty much a straight A person who got 5 A's in my Highers and predicted to get 4A's in a level maths,physics,chemistry and english. But i assure u its probably worse for me....im expected to be so brilliant and to do amazing and if i feck up my a levels my dad will quite literally castrate me :frown:

Parents with high expectation

Related discussions

Articles for you

How The Student Room is moderated