Go to the bar and get a drink that I wouldn't normally get down the local pub. Something like a jug of Sex On The Beach, because when in a club it's acceptable.
Attempt to dance, but then realise my new found jug of alcohol is likely to spill, so leave the dance floor.
Head outside to the smoking area for a cigarette and then begin chatting with complete strangers, because when you're at a smoking area and in a club, it's not weird.
Decide that it's that time of the night to go to the toilet, not because I need the toilet, but because I probably need to touch up my lip gloss, sit on top of the toilet and hold my shoes in my hands for a while because my feet are in agonising pain and then attempt to leave the toilet bare foot.
The bouncer then tells me that is a stupid idea because I'll probably end up with glass in my feet.
The bouncer is right and if I were sober I would know that without his help, I'd also be able to put my shoes back on without the supervision of two friends holding on to my arms.
The realisation that I have no drink in hand and my feet have had a small rest hits in, so I decide the dance floor is now calling me. Dive to the middle of the floor and decide I'm now Beyonce, voice and moves.
Find I'm being groped left, right and centre by men and women, because in a club it's assumed that's the done thing.
Discuss with the current group of friends whether to attempt the bar for another drink, or head to the next club.
Head to the next club and repeat.