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What my gf said today...
Right. My gf is in the UK right now, and she wrote me an e-mail today. In it she said something about some 'pakis' were following her and her friend while she was in the park. Now, She's white, and British and I'm Indian. I know she isn't racist, but I still found that painful to hear, especially from your girlfriend. I'm really hurt by it, even though she didn't say it to me. I didn't like it at all. So, I sent her a reply saying that I was really disappointed by what she said. What do you guys think?
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Definitely disappointing, especially as you are Indian! Does she just not realise it is an insulting term? The other day I called my half-white half-Indian girlfriend 'half-caste' and she got upset, but I truly didn't realise it was used as an insulting term.
If she knew it, it seems very odd..
If she knew it, it seems very odd..
yeah i think what you did was right. if it was painful for you to hear then it is good that you expressed your feelings in a controlled and calm way. it sounds that she used the term in a deragatory way and i wouldn't like that either, it is known to be potentially insulting so she should have been a bit more reserved using the term.
WokSz
Right. My gf is in the UK right now, and she wrote me an e-mail today. In it she said something about some 'pakis' were following her and her friend while she was in the park. Now, She's white, and British and I'm Indian. I know she isn't racist, but I still found that painful to hear, especially from your girlfriend. I'm really hurt by it, even though she didn't say it to me. I didn't like it at all. So, I sent her a reply saying that I was really disappointed by what she said. What do you guys think?
I think you should make it very clear to her that what she said offended you and that it is not acceptable. To be honest I would not want to go out with someone who talks about people like that. Remember if you didn't know her she might call you a 'paki'.
Aeris
Is "paki" considered to be a derogatory term? She was probably just upset and scared.
more often that not, yes it is. im sure she might have been upset and scared but that is not an excuse to using insulting language and she was probably not upset and scared while typing the email.
Paki is short for Pakistani............Or am I missing something?
zain88
more often that not, yes it is. im sure she might have been upset and scared but that is not an excuse to using insulting language and she was probably not upset and scared while typing the email.
Stop saying how she was upset and scared. It makes no difference- she is either a racist or not.
Amnesia
I think you should make it very clear to her that what she said offended you and that it is not acceptable. To be honest I would not want to go out with someone who talks about people like that. Remember if you didn't know her she might call you a 'paki'.
exactly what I think.
It's made me really put off from her, to the point where I'm actually thinking of whether I should be with someone who can even say such a thing...
QUOTE=Pav27]In the UK, but no where else it seems.
to be honest, it depends in which context and tone it is used. but because it known to be used often in a negative tone/context then it is generally known to be derogatory. but if people know that it may be derogatory then they should try not to use it even if they don't mean to be. there's no point in trying to make people believe it is an ok word to use.
to be honest, it depends in which context and tone it is used. but because it known to be used often in a negative tone/context then it is generally known to be derogatory. but if people know that it may be derogatory then they should try not to use it even if they don't mean to be. there's no point in trying to make people believe it is an ok word to use.
Amnesia
Stop saying how she was upset and scared. It makes no difference- she is either a racist or not.
i am not defending her. i did not want to directly oppose what aeris was saying so i was trying to validate aeris' point in that she may well have been scared and upset but that doesn't give her a reason to be offensive. basically i said the same thing as you just said to me. please read posts carefully.
zain88
QUOTE=Pav27]In the UK, but no where else it seems.
to be honest, it depends in which context and tone it is used. but because it known to be used often in a negative tone/context then it is generally known to be derogatory. but if people know that it may be derogatory then they should try not to use it even if they don't mean to be. there's no point in trying to make people believe it is an ok word to use.
It's not an ok word to use, just like any rude word is. Racism is bad no matter what form it's in. I'm not just saying this for minorities, but also against white people. I would hate it if someone insulted a german person by calling them a nazi. 'Paki' is a rude word.
All this shows is that she has racist tendencies, and I, in no way, want to be associated with such a girl.
amie
Perhaps she didn't realise how offensive it is? If not, then she's just plain stupid for saying it to you in an email!
I didn't know how offensive it was until I read this thread, maybe she doesn't know either.
I didn't know how offensive it was until I read this thread, maybe she doesn't know either.
she does, I've explained it to her tons of times, and her mum has often told her not to use words like that.
WokSz
exactly what I think.
It's made me really put off from her, to the point where I'm actually thinking of whether I should be with someone who can even say such a thing...
It's made me really put off from her, to the point where I'm actually thinking of whether I should be with someone who can even say such a thing...
I think you should confront her forcefully over it either by phone or face to face and see if she has an explanation. I am certain that she knew that the word was offensive otherwise she wouldn't have used it. In my opinion she has already shown herself to have racist tendencies- would you really want to go out with someone who might be racist about you behind your back?
If she knew, then she had no reason to say it what so ever. It wasnt like a phone conversation or something, where it just slipped out, well even then it's no reason to say it. Woksz you said you dont want to be assoicated with a girl who is racist like that, or uses racist terms, well then you know she is...Up to you what you do now....
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