The Student Room Group

Mini Crisis

I feel like I'm at crisis point. I'm at the end of my A2 exams and today they went disastrously. After weeks and weeks of endless work my brain's gone into meltdown. I even failed to read even the most simplest of tasks: instead of underlining multiple choice I circled it; I failed to read and answer questions and I so DESPERATELY want to be a success that I'm trying way too hard and ending up in despair when my exams aren't the 'perfect' success I want them to be. There's always something else to write; some other angle I could have approached it from and I constantly berate myself for what I failed to do. I got 6 As at AS but it was a fluke. I didn't revise half as hard as I have done this year. I'm sick of the pressure of trying to match up to myself last year. If that wasn't bad enough, I have grade 7 piano on Friday and I've neglected my scales. I just feel so tired and so stressed; my head feels like it's filled with sand. I've done so much work and through being so utterly STUPID in my exams I've tossed it all away.

I had my last music lessons that I will have for 4 years on Saturday and I felt nothing. I just felt numb. I know that I do really feel something underneath but that I'm surpressing it by doing so much work; it's too painful to deal with. I don't even want to go on holiday this year because then I'll have to deal with my inadequacies. I got a rejection from Oxford this year and to be honest it's affected me more than I'd like to admit. I feel like a failure. I've always been really competitive and it's what's motivated me but as a result it was a really hard knock, particularly when everyone else close to me got offers from where they wanted to go.

I know I'm really lucky to get an offer from Durham, but I have no love for it. To be honest, I hated the open day, although when anyone asks I always say 'oh, yeah, Durham, I'm really excited'. I just question what it's worth- I don't have the energy to toil through another 4 years but I don't have the confidence to get a job or take a gap year. I'm sick of feeling so lost. I'm sick of feeling like I'm a burden on my family- my mother is facing financial hardship next year and what am I doing? Going to Uni- how SELFISH is that?? My mum encourages me to go but I just have no enthusiasm for it, although I don't know if this is fear motivated by the Oxford rejection- I don't want to get attached to it so that I feel really disappointed when I get the grades.

I just feel really lost and like I'm the only one who's not going 'Yay, uni!!' I feel like I'd be an outcast, like I'd be inadequate and that I will be the poorest student there (my family's on £8000 a year. We're on benefits because my brother's autistic and my mum's a carer). I feel so out of my depth and I know change is good, but it's so difficult to deal with all these changes: leaving 6th form, leaving home, my singing teacher's left, I've leaving music behind for 4 years until I can afford to have lessons again.

I so desperately want to make something of myself. I want to make my mother proud- I know my mother will love me no matter who I am and she's great: really liberal and tolerant, and it's my OWN perfectionism that makes me want to make my family proud. I feel like if I don't get at least 3As I can never look my family in the face again. I feel suicidal.
Reply 1
I know it may sound like the last thing that is going to help but take a step back and just take a breath. By the sound of your post there is a lot going on at the moment for you so it's important to try and keep a cool head and not let things agitate you.

Concerning putting pressure on yourself; there is nothing wrong with this, but once you take it to the extremes it's no longer beneficial and ends up being counterproductive. If you have put the work in for a subject go into the exam with confidence - you know your stuff - keeping that sort of attitude not only will help you to do better but will remove some of the stress of exams which means you'll be happier while getting good grades.

Lastly, I don't think there is anyone who is not worried about university. Although people can pretend to be merely excited and without a care in the world, it's a new environment and especially if you're going without any other people you know may seem a daunting prospect. My advice at the moment would be to forget about it; take things step by step, focus on your exams now and your music, you have all summer to prepare for uni.

Good luck with everything, PM me if you need any advice or a chat and keep practicing those scales:wink: :p:
Reply 2
Anonymous

I know I'm really lucky to get an offer from Durham, but I have no love for it. To be honest, I hated the open day, although when anyone asks I always say 'oh, yeah, Durham, I'm really excited'. I just question what it's worth- I don't have the energy to toil through another 4 years but I don't have the confidence to get a job or take a gap year.


University doesn't have to be toil + its about more than just getting the degree. The uni experience can help your confidence no end, so for me it would be the obvious choice...

Anonymous
I'm sick of feeling so lost. I'm sick of feeling like I'm a burden on my family- my mother is facing financial hardship next year and what am I doing? Going to Uni- how SELFISH is that?? My mum encourages me to go but I just have no enthusiasm for it, although I don't know if this is fear motivated by the Oxford rejection- I don't want to get attached to it so that I feel really disappointed when I get the grades.


Your mum wants you to go to uni so you don't have to have the same financial burdens in the future. Not going would be selfish in my opinion.

Anonymous

I just feel really lost and like I'm the only one who's not going 'Yay, uni!!' I feel like I'd be an outcast, like I'd be inadequate and that I will be the poorest student there (my family's on £8000 a year. We're on benefits because my brother's autistic and my mum's a carer). I feel so out of my depth and I know change is good, but it's so difficult to deal with all these changes: leaving 6th form, leaving home, my singing teacher's left, I've leaving music behind for 4 years until I can afford to have lessons again.


I'm not saying your financial situation is ideal, but there are loans and things available. I don't think you should feel guilty AT ALL if you do decide to go to uni.

Anonymous

I so desperately want to make something of myself. I want to make my mother proud- I know my mother will love me no matter who I am and she's great: really liberal and tolerant, and it's my OWN perfectionism that makes me want to make my family proud. I feel like if I don't get at least 3As I can never look my family in the face again. I feel suicidal.


You KNOW your mother will love you no matter who you are.. but you FEEL like if you don't get the grades she won't. Well I think its safe to say your family won't mind so much if you don't make the grade.
Reply 3
dont worry about scales. im working for my grade 7 and i well cant be bothered with them. i've never done any work on scales and have always passed the exams. most people mess them up.

and it doesnt matter about your background, when you get to uni, people will accept you for who you are. And if you got 6 As last year, you're not gona do badly are you.

my parents know im not going to do well this year, as i've done no work, but they accept me for who i am etc.

i know this might seem like im trying to make all your worries sound trivial,b ut im not. i really wouldnt worry if i were you, but i can see where you're coming from with it all.

Just relax
Reply 4
I'm sure you're mum's already completely proud of you. You shouldn't put so much pressure on yourself and try to relax a bit. If you don't want to go to Durham then reapply somewhere next year. You kind of sound like you could do with taking a year out and relax a bit and get away from the stress of exams. I'm a perfectionist and I would love 4 As, but I know there's no point obsessing, there's more important things to think about. If I get a couple of Bs then I know it's really not the end of the world.
Reply 5
Aww. Firstly, you have to congratulate yourself on your achievements. You've done very well, don't beat yourself up over it! Your mum is proud of you, it's not selfish. You want to do better for yourself and I'm sure your mum feels it's not selfish. She'll be very proud.

I've felt like this at times. You put pressure on yourself to achieve. But, honestly, you get what you deserve. I think you probably did well, as you said "it was a fluke", so you have some kind of natural flair. So, despite not doing absolutey great this year, I'm sure you have done in other people's respects!

I myself was rejected from Oxford & I still think about it sometimes today! But, honestly, even the best of the best get rejected from Oxford. It's by no means a reflection on you. Saying this, I think the best thing for you is a gap year. You should not be coerced into going somewhere you don't quite feel happy! I knew I'd be happy or like Warwick, but if I had been rejected from there I would have reapplied because Oxford felt so close to me and like home. I'd visited so much and made so many friends! But, similarly at Warwick I felt comfortable. Don't feel you should be coerced.

Also, if you had a gap year, perhaps you could save some money for yourself so you didn't feel inadequate? You could also give your mum a little something just so she knows you are thinking about how difficult it may be! University is an investment and she knows you will be able to put something back into the pot once you've finished! :suith: And, you're by no means inadequate. At university; yes there are loaded people but also there are people with next to nothing. We all have debts at the end of it (or most of us do) and I haven't come across a completely filthy rich student yet. Just remember; you got your place, you're as deserving as any upper class student! It's brains not money that get you there.

Just take a step back. If you didn't get he grades, then retake. It's just grades and should not make you reach boiling point! Take a step back, if you don't get grade 7, you don't. It's not life or death. You're healthy (I presume) and living. That's all that matters. Grades won't make any of us eternally happy. Just remember that!

You'll be fine...you will! Take some "me" time! Chill out. Everybody deserves a break and nobody on this mortal planet is wonder woman/man :biggrin:
Reply 6
Thankyou so much for all your kind replies- it has really helped me to step back a little bit and get a clearer persepctive. I was just in a panic earlier and being ever so slightly melodramatic. It's easy to feel like it's the end of the world when you've been cooped up in an exam room for three hours wanting to burst into tears over an awful exam. My 'problems' are pretty trivial and now I've calmed down I can see that I mustn't get so pent up about it. It's just a feeling I've had for a while- that I feel suffocated and completely lost and like I'm the only one who doesn't cope with it.

I'll just see how the results come out and deal with it then. I shouldn't waste my energies stressing over something I can't change. I talked to my mum about it and she helped me to see things in a clearer light- that no-one's going to think any less of me if I don't get As because everyone's seen that I've been working hard and haven't dossed. They don't say this year is difficult for nothing!

Thankyou- your advice is much appreciated and I feel like the pressure's been lifted a bit :smile:
Rep to all come your way shortly!
Anonymous
Thankyou so much for all your kind replies- it has really helped me to step back a little bit and get a clearer persepctive. I was just in a panic earlier and being ever so slightly melodramatic. It's easy to feel like it's the end of the world when you've been cooped up in an exam room for three hours wanting to burst into tears over an awful exam. My 'problems' are pretty trivial and now I've calmed down I can see that I mustn't get so pent up about it. It's just a feeling I've had for a while- that I feel suffocated and completely lost and like I'm the only one who doesn't cope with it.

I'll just see how the results come out and deal with it then. I shouldn't waste my energies stressing over something I can't change. I talked to my mum about it and she helped me to see things in a clearer light- that no-one's going to think any less of me if I don't get As because everyone's seen that I've been working hard and haven't dossed. They don't say this year is difficult for nothing!

Thankyou- your advice is much appreciated and I feel like the pressure's been lifted a bit :smile:
Rep to all come your way shortly!

Glad to hear you're feeling better and calmer... I would have posted before, had I read it! I shouldn't worry about scales, I really didn't know mine for my gr7 piano and I passed, by the time I got to grade 8 I still didn't know them and still managed to wangle it! Blagging's always good for AB music exams :smile:
If you really really don't want to go to uni, then don't. I just wasn't ready for the academic commitment it takes, but refused to let myself realise it for the same reason as you - I was scared I didn't have the confidence to take a gap year. I thought uni was the only way forward. I dropped out after 1 term, but it did me the world of good and I'm now going back to a different uni and different course this year. I'm not saying don't go, because I'm certainly not anti uni, but just remember that it's not the be-all and end-all and there's always another way if you're not happy.
Chin up, good luck with the results and piano exam, and PM/msn me if needs be.
:smile:
Ooh and the orson quote in my sig always cheers me up!
Hey
i had a really similar feeling a few days back.
Changed my mind about uni, what course etc.
Was terrified of peoples reactions
But its all done now
I really found that taking a herbal anti stress pill such as kalms helped me to keep a cool head while sorting stuff.
Hope this helps