Ridiculously high standards

Anonymous

There's often a cliché that guys will sleep with anything but my problem is the opposite: I'm a bit like Chandler in Friends and find flaws in pretty much any girl I meet.

yup. I'm like that.. in terms of relationships. For a one nighter or whatever - i'm not amazingly fussy. But yeah.. relationship material.. needs to be perfection.

Reply 3

Glory

Im the same also, im female of course, but i always said i wont sleep with someone til i remotely love them. I think im getting to the stage where im in love with my current boyfriend.

Reply 4

OP

squirly

I'm a girl but I'm the same. I'm just trying to learn to be a bit more open and not overanalyse everything - so what if I don't marry him, why not see how things go, you know? Don't rule someone out immediately just because of x y or z. Give her a chance and get to know her. If you don't like her once you've spent a decent amount of time with her then fair enough, but by being the way you are you could well miss out on something really special.

Well just by looking at your profile photo, I'm sure more a hot girl than I am a hot guy. I think I must have bin really lucky a few times and now I can't help but think that I should find a gal who's just as attractive. I agree, it's superficial but it's not just about looks necessarily, it's a lot about personality too. Even if I did meet someone I really learned to like (and this has happened before), I would still keep telling myself I could be with someone I'd find more attractive. It's like I'm on a quest for the perfect girl and can't settle for second best.

Reply 5

Anonymous

would still keep telling myself I could be with someone I'd find more attractive. It's like I'm on a quest for the perfect girl and can't settle for second best.

been there, done that, it's a deathtrap. I find, that If you leave it long enough with the same girl then they end up looking so great in your eyes that you wouldn;t even consider anyone else.

Reply 6

.butterfly.x.

11

I have very high standards and I am not pretty at all which is probably whats suprises people about why I am so fussy. But I am getting better as someone who I completely ruled out 2 years ago is now one of my good friends after getting to know him and if he did ask me out, then I would definitly say yes now.

Reply 7

OP

HagerVor

been there, done that, it's a deathtrap. I find, that If you leave it long enough with the same girl then they end up looking so great in your eyes that you wouldn;t even consider anyone else.

I bin there millions of times too. But that's what I look for: a girl to make me forget all other girls. A total ideallist. My friends have even told me, well tried to tell me nicely, that I should maybe settle for someone not so attractive, just for the sake of having someone.

Reply 8

Anonymous

I bin there millions of times too. But that's what I look for: a girl to make me forget all other girls. A total ideallist. My friends have even told me, well tried to tell me nicely, that I should maybe settle for someone not so attractive, just for the sake of having someone.

it takes time for the perfect woman to appear truly perfect in your eyes.

Reply 9

OP

HagerVor

it takes time for the perfect woman to appear truly perfect in your eyes.

ok but that's just cos we have to be realistic in the end that we say that. We give up on chasing what seems as perfect because it's just too difficult, settle for 2nd best and after a while, become so attached that we're convinced the person is right for us. A lot of guys have an image of the perfect girl but reality sneaks in and tells them that they can't have that, i.e. a girl as intelligent, as attractive, as amazing as they want.

Reply 10

You might have the image of your perfect woman in your head now, but that will change when you actually meet your perfect woman.

Reply 11

Chumbaniya

17

I find myself with a similar problem, but probably less recently than I used to. It's probably why I've never been in a relationship (I once turned down the girl generally acknowledged to be the hottest - sorry to have to use that naff word - in the school due in part to me being absurdly picky). I think I'm improving though - you pretty much have to, over time - and I'm meeting a lot more girls and being a lot more realistic about them. Ironically, however, this has led to me meeting someone who actually ticks all the boxes (watch this space :p:

). If you can't bring yourself to become much less picky, at least try and give girls more of a chance before you start ruling them out.

Reply 12

OP

HagerVor

You might have the image of your perfect woman in your head now, but that will change when you actually meet your perfect woman.

It's not defined in taht way. Just you expect a girl to be attractive toa certain extent, to have a personality in a certain way.

I've had plenty of relationships, most of the time it's seemed like I settled for second best. I was very rarely totally crazy about them.

You realise that your limiting your self and then when you meet someone you can realisticlly expect to attract, you convince yourself they're perfect, because you get to know them, become attached...

Reply 13

Anonymous #2

squirly

I'm a girl but I'm the same. I'm just trying to learn to be a bit more open and not overanalyse everything - so what if I don't marry him, why not see how things go, you know? Don't rule someone out immediately just because of x y or z. Give her a chance and get to know her. If you don't like her once you've spent a decent amount of time with her then fair enough, but by being the way you are you could well miss out on something really special.

Look over here guys! *points*
It's the average jo's saviour! :bumps:

Reply 14

Anonymous #2

haha my tag
sorry guys
If only I could find the edit post button.....

Reply 15

username30638

13

Anonymous

There's often a cliché that guys will sleep with anything but my problem is the opposite: I'm a bit like Chandler in Friends and find flaws in pretty much any girl I meet but I'm hardly a stud myself. Most guys around me, who would be considered as more attractive, would be happy to go for girls who aren't so attractive.

I know what you mean, and I'm very similar. But I don't think it has anything to do with having a high opinion of yourself or being arrogant, because I'm neither of those things and I doubt you are either.

When it comes to relationships and stuff, I won't get involved unless I'm totally sure about the girl. It does somewhat limit you, but the way I see it, what is the point of being with someone just for the sake of it? I'm not desperate to be in a relationship at the moment, and I'd much rather wait to be with someone I have genuinely strong feelings for. Being at uni, there are so many opportunities to get together with people simply because they are available, but what's the point? The relationship won't last if your heart's not really in it.

That was all rather spontaneous, so I'll probably read it again in a second a cringe. :redface:

Reply 16

stoney

12

jeff's_dead

I know what you mean, and I'm very similar. But I don't think it has anything to do with having a high opinion of yourself or being arrogant, because I'm neither of those things and I doubt you are either.

When it comes to relationships and stuff, I won't get involved unless I'm totally sure about the girl. It does somewhat limit you, but the way I see it, what is the point of being with someone just for the sake of it? I'm not desperate to be in a relationship at the moment, and I'd much rather wait to be with someone I have genuinely strong feelings for. Being at uni, there are so many opportunities to get together with people simply because they are available, but what's the point? The relationship won't last if your heart's not really in it.

That was all rather spontaneous, so I'll probably read it again in a second a cringe. :redface:

thats so true man. At the end of the day theres no point being in a relationship for the sake of it. I also agree with whats been said earlier about creating this perfect woman then realising that she'd be way out of your league anyways so you settle for second best. To the OP pickyness for the afore mentioned reasons prob puts u at a dissadvantage, just try giving girls a chance the chemistry may not be there right away

Reply 17

Anonymous #3

Anonymous

Well just by looking at your profile photo, I'm sure more a hot girl than I am a hot guy. I think I must have bin really lucky a few times and now I can't help but think that I should find a gal who's just as attractive. I agree, it's superficial but it's not just about looks necessarily, it's a lot about personality too. Even if I did meet someone I really learned to like (and this has happened before), I would still keep telling myself I could be with someone I'd find more attractive. It's like I'm on a quest for the perfect girl and can't settle for second best.

The thing is, you should like them more as you get to know more about them rather than manufacturing an affection as time goes on. I'd say keep on the look out, talk to more girls in more specific locations (e.g. friends of friends, girls in the same society as you) rather than any old girl in a club/pub. If you honestly can't find a girl who you find sparkly, attractive and who's in to you then perhaps you're setting your standards too high. But remember, it's difficult to find someone who's a proper match for you :smile:

Reply 18

tanusha-tomsk

18

I'm in love with Chandler :biggrin:

My fave character. Your problem is you haven't met me... oh wait, you'd probably find me way to fat and pronouncing it "supposebly" :wink:

Reply 19