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Unreliable friends
How do you deal with unreliable friends or friends that are not considerate of your time or money?
Did you end the friendship or did you confront them? Did things change for the better or worse once you talked to them about how inconsiderate they were being?
To be honest I find it difficult being confrontational. I’d rather step back and leave the person to think for themselves why I am being off with them. The times I have been upfront, they always try and turn it around like I’m making a big deal or they apologise for the sake of it.
Though, I’ve come to realise that taking a step back doesn’t really achieve much because I never really hear from them again or if I do speak to them they act like nothing has happened.
Some situations I have been in:
Did you end the friendship or did you confront them? Did things change for the better or worse once you talked to them about how inconsiderate they were being?
To be honest I find it difficult being confrontational. I’d rather step back and leave the person to think for themselves why I am being off with them. The times I have been upfront, they always try and turn it around like I’m making a big deal or they apologise for the sake of it.
Though, I’ve come to realise that taking a step back doesn’t really achieve much because I never really hear from them again or if I do speak to them they act like nothing has happened.
Some situations I have been in:
•
A friend lying as to why she couldn’t attend my birthday dinner last year. Apparently it was her niece’s and nephew’s joint birthday party, a couple of weeks/months later it was because it was her uncle’s party.
•
A friend cancelling on me at the last minute with some lame excuse or none at all, when I’ve spent time getting ready.
•
Arranging a night out, when it comes to confirming times I can’t seem to get hold of them until it is too late or not at all. This happened numerous times with the same person.
Reply 1
Some of my friends are not the most reliable of people and for some reason people letting me down gets me really upset. For the first few times I just got on with it but after that I made sure they knew how upset I was. I have become more honest with my friends over the past year, which isn't always a good thing but I try not to do it in a bitchy way to try and keep the friendship.
Reply 2
I'm the same, when people let me down I get all upset. Sometimes I think I can't be bothered with them and I deserve friends that are considerate.
i.e. Let me know in enough time if they cant make it somewhere, not just as when I'm about to leave my house.
i.e. Let me know in enough time if they cant make it somewhere, not just as when I'm about to leave my house.
Reply 3
Unfortunately friendships seem to be inherently selfish. I just deal with it by investing less effort and emotions into friendships - that way I'm not destroyed when people let me down. Better to have a greater number of have fun/ have dinner/ make jokes friends than a few that you open up to properly. I know that goes against what a lot of people think, but I've been shown too many times that friends have no real loyalty to you and will drop you/ upset you too easily. I'd rather invest true emotions into relationships with partner/family than friends.
Reply 4
Personally I balance confronting them and letting them dwell over what they did to me. If they don't understand they did a bad thing, then I would tell them what happened.
I found that some people have a lack of empathy to place their feelings above their own, so sometimes you tell them, and they don't understand what the problem is.
If they continually do it, just end the friendship in the most comfortable way you can....
I found that some people have a lack of empathy to place their feelings above their own, so sometimes you tell them, and they don't understand what the problem is.
If they continually do it, just end the friendship in the most comfortable way you can....
Reply 5
At the rate I'm going though, I probably won't have any friends left. I don't know if it's because I'm too sensitive, too quick to end a friendship or I'm friends with the wrong people.
Unreliable friends don't get to me as much as they did as I don't expect much from most of them anymore.
As I get older I realise that my friends are probably more acquaintances than genuine friends. Does anyone else agree with this?
Unreliable friends don't get to me as much as they did as I don't expect much from most of them anymore.
As I get older I realise that my friends are probably more acquaintances than genuine friends. Does anyone else agree with this?
Reply 6
I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm overly sensitive and the slightest of issues will bother me a lot with my mates.
Maybe you should give your friends the benefit of the doubt now and then, and let the friendship grow over a period, if thing's are still the same I think it's better for you as an individual to move on, and take more chances at life and make new friends.
I agree, now that you said that I can see that some of my friends are temporary to a degree, but that's how life is and you have to try to be flexible....
Hope that helps mate
Maybe you should give your friends the benefit of the doubt now and then, and let the friendship grow over a period, if thing's are still the same I think it's better for you as an individual to move on, and take more chances at life and make new friends.
I agree, now that you said that I can see that some of my friends are temporary to a degree, but that's how life is and you have to try to be flexible....
Hope that helps mate
Reply 7
I've let down friends and been let down.
In my case, I let mates down generally because I make arrangements then when it comes to doing it I can't be bothered and would rather sit in and do nothing or save my money.
In my case, I let mates down generally because I make arrangements then when it comes to doing it I can't be bothered and would rather sit in and do nothing or save my money.
Reply 8
i had a problem with a friend who i felt was unaware that she was constantly asking and not really giving back to the friendship. my other friend had the same problem with the same person. while i confronted her and tried to work it out, she blew up and tried to end the friendship. Although they ended up remaining friends, it caused alot of unnecessary pain, where as my friend and i grew stronger int he end beucase we got to openly work on the problems. i would say that you shoudl try to work it out first, and if your friend is really not willing to work it out with you, then you should consider if you want to remian friends. things wont change though if they don't know your not happy with it.
Reply 9
Yeah I've been majorly let down in the past, but if it's not just a one-off and half the time you don't feel that great being around them then it's definitely a sign to move on. A few yrs ago I had a really good friend who gradually became more influenced by other ppl and started being a bit bitchy when I hadn't done anything wrong, and at first I thought, well I don't want to resort to that level and be bitchy back because that's not gonna help anything. I tried talking to her but I got one of those apologies-for-the-sake-of-it and wasn't happy.
Just start spending time with other ppl that you are friends with and always treat you well cos honestly you'll feel the difference. Right now none of my close friends would do anything bitchy or make me feel crap, they're 100% supportive.. The ppl you surround yourself with make such a difference to how happy you are. No point wasting time waiting for someone unreliable to treat you well.
Just start spending time with other ppl that you are friends with and always treat you well cos honestly you'll feel the difference. Right now none of my close friends would do anything bitchy or make me feel crap, they're 100% supportive.. The ppl you surround yourself with make such a difference to how happy you are. No point wasting time waiting for someone unreliable to treat you well.
Reply 10
hey i have a problem along the same lines and i dont know if ive done the right thing....
basically if i'm out with my friend say at night she might call her parents to go home or stay at a bf house or whatever when ever we've made plans, its put me out alot of times drunk!, she never says sorry and acts like this isnt a problem, i dont normal say anything and just get on with it,
but about 2 months ago it was my bday , true to form 30 mins before we were gonna pick her it i called her she said she wasn't going (grr)
then about 1 month go it was her birthday i had plans which i rearranged to suit her, i met up with her in town then before we were going to a club she said she had to go meet a friend and that she would meet me in the club, i said fine call me if anything changes....so i went to the club, looked everywhere, called her, then about 1hr later i got a text of another friend saying they went to a different club!i was drunk and had no way of getting back again, lucky i found afew mates and got a lift back with a drunk driver who got pulled over by the cops it was horrible!!
i texted the other mate saying " thanks for letting me know and tell beth* thanks for recking my night, pissing of, leaving me on my own"- is that too harsh i was drunk??
the next day was her bday, she called me but i never picked up, i didnt want to be mean on her bday,
anyway ive dropped her present round, and she texted me thanks , and being talking to me over msn, she hasnt said anything like sorry!
but the other day i bumped into a mate who said she was pissed of cuz i was slagging her off (i think it was the text) and then i droped beth in it by saying they went to a different club to me when beth told her she went home early, i didnt know that tho!!
i dont know if that makes any sense, but what should i do???i have plenty of mates, and she dont, should i just forget bout it?have a go? just be nice?its not just me that shes done it too but i think me the most cuz i trust her easily
i feel guilty bout the whole thing but im really pissed off!
basically if i'm out with my friend say at night she might call her parents to go home or stay at a bf house or whatever when ever we've made plans, its put me out alot of times drunk!, she never says sorry and acts like this isnt a problem, i dont normal say anything and just get on with it,
but about 2 months ago it was my bday , true to form 30 mins before we were gonna pick her it i called her she said she wasn't going (grr)
then about 1 month go it was her birthday i had plans which i rearranged to suit her, i met up with her in town then before we were going to a club she said she had to go meet a friend and that she would meet me in the club, i said fine call me if anything changes....so i went to the club, looked everywhere, called her, then about 1hr later i got a text of another friend saying they went to a different club!i was drunk and had no way of getting back again, lucky i found afew mates and got a lift back with a drunk driver who got pulled over by the cops it was horrible!!
i texted the other mate saying " thanks for letting me know and tell beth* thanks for recking my night, pissing of, leaving me on my own"- is that too harsh i was drunk??
the next day was her bday, she called me but i never picked up, i didnt want to be mean on her bday,
anyway ive dropped her present round, and she texted me thanks , and being talking to me over msn, she hasnt said anything like sorry!
but the other day i bumped into a mate who said she was pissed of cuz i was slagging her off (i think it was the text) and then i droped beth in it by saying they went to a different club to me when beth told her she went home early, i didnt know that tho!!
i dont know if that makes any sense, but what should i do???i have plenty of mates, and she dont, should i just forget bout it?have a go? just be nice?its not just me that shes done it too but i think me the most cuz i trust her easily
i feel guilty bout the whole thing but im really pissed off!
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