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Love but no lust?

Hi, this problem has been bothering me for quite sometime. Whenver I spend time with my girlfriend, I love talking to her and we have an amazing time- but I just dont feel any lust towards her. Even when we kiss, its like I prefer the pecking to any french kissing. And this problem is really drifiting us apart. What do I do???? :frown:

Reply 1

Glory

1

To be honest, i dont think you love her. Maybe you love her in a friendly way and nothing more. I dont think you can have love without some form of lust, for a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship.

Reply 2

Renza

11

Anonymous

Hi, this problem has been bothering me for quite sometime. Whenver I spend time with my girlfriend, I love talking to her and we have an amazing time- but I just dont feel any lust towards her. Even when we kiss, its like I prefer the pecking to any french kissing. And this problem is really drifiting us apart. What do I do???? :frown:

Sounds like my situation 2-3 months ago with my last boyfriend who I'd been going out with for almost two years. I didn't have much sexual desire to do stuff with him. I enjoyed hugging him and pecking but I think I was confusing our relationship with love when really we were just very very good friends. It may have been somewhat different months/a year before then but in the end, we were very good friends.

Reply 3

Fleece

15

:dito:

You can't have love without the lust. Well, not romantic love anyway. And why should you have to?

My ex and I were like this after about a year and I realised it couldn't really be salvaged and I wanted more.

Sometimes there is nothing you can really do about it - sometimes it's better just to accept that you've moved onto being friends and let go.

Reply 4

zav

14

You need some form of lust in a relationship otherwise you are just really close friends.

Maybe you should sit down and talk to her about it, i don't think it will improve over time.

Reply 5

Fleece

15

zav

You need some form of lust in a relationship otherwise you are just really close friends.

Maybe you should sit down and talk to her about it, i don't think it will improve over time.

Yeah thats true. Things started going that way with my ex after about 6 months but I kept trying and it was another 7 months before i split up with him... Part of me regrets not splitting up sooner, because there's more at stake when you stay together longer.

Reply 6

HipsAndHearts

10

Buy her a kinky outfit.

Reply 7

*Claire*

1

Sound slike what happened to me, I'd been going out with my bf for 3 1/2yrs but felt we had moved into best friends. Be careful tho cos often when u break up its tricky to be close friends so make sure you are certain. I have moments of jealousy over his new gf!

Reply 8

Clarence

14

Try and talk to her about it. Im sure she will understand that things have just come to an end....good luck! x

Reply 9

strawberry

13

I was in love with my ex...and my sex drive is pretty low. But at least, I still had a few urges to bring things a little further. No drive at all is very very strange and could indicate the lack of love.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks guys, I think Im just gonna give it a try. I cant breakup with her, I mean, I just wouldnt be able to bear not being with her...guess ill try and work it out somehow...

Reply 11

blissy

15

But that's just co-dependence, not love. You need the lust.

Reply 12

*Ridwan*

1

beautify each other. So when you are sexy to each other - lust should follow

Reply 13

cinder

10

You may as well just be friends....that way you can enjoy a real relationship.
Its time to move on.

Reply 14

*Ridwan*

1

Cologne, perfume, jewellery, lipstick, blushes, earrings, chains

Or the Lynx effect!

Reply 15

Fleece

15

Yup. Listen to Blissy... In one of my very first posts on TSR I was asking a similar question and Blissy gave a good answer, which was what I should have done then. As it was, I decided to give it a go and on and on it went. This sort of thing, sad as it is, can rarely be remedied.

OP

Now I feel guilty :frown:

It's a really crappy situation I know, but once you get past the initial break up you might feel relief like I did.

Reply 18

*Ridwan*

1

If a girl looks sexy to a guy and teases him etc - wouln't that be sexy thus lustful?

Reply 19

Sanity Panda

Depends... Could the anoymous just not be into the whole lust feelings? Have you ever felt lust towards other people?

Some people just have very low sexual desire.

Love but no lust?

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